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26 June 2011 Angelina Jolie vs Jewel Kilcher

Page history last edited by Archer844 12 years, 6 months ago

Angelina Jolie 04.jpg Jewel Kilcher 08.jpg

Site: The Asylum Arena. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Posted by Results By Sim/Words By Wiz on 6/26/2011, 1:36 am

BEFORE:

"Jolie loves to talk, and that's all she's done pre-fight" Jewel says, shaking her head. "She loves telling everyone how great she is, and reminding everyone that she beat me in a couple of close decisions about a hundred years ago. But, that was then. This is a whole different now."

"Jewel is an example of exactly what's wrong with the FCBA," Angelina sniffs. "Some second-rate pop singer and game show host! The 'C' in FCBA is supposed to stand for 'Celebrity', but judging by the current champions, the front office definition of 'Celebrity' is far, far too loose. Hayden Panettiere? Elisha Cuthbert? Adrianne Palicki? Amanda Righetti? A bunch of second-rate TELEVISION actresses! Not a star in the bunch! They should all be weeded out of the FCBA, and, perhaps, when I'm done with Jewel, I'll gather a group of REAL stars like Charlize, Reese, and Cameron Diaz and we'll start a Crusade to reclaim the belts from these heathens! And, furthermore..."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Back at ringside..."

McCarthy: "What the HELL was she babbling about? I ALMOST want to pull for JEWEL after hearing that crap!"

O'Dell: "Well, stand up and cheer then, Mac, because that's 'Intuition' on the speakers and here comes Jewel. The blonde making her way to the ring, climbs in...there goes the robe...a purple bikini tonight..."

McCarthy: "Why did she come out FIRST at a Front Street event?"

O'Dell: "I'm told that Jolie has a clause in her standard contract that requires she be allowed to enter second."

McCarthy: "What? That's it! I'm picking Jewel by KO!"

O'Dell: "And that's the 'Tomb Raider' theme, and here comes Angie in a pink 'Jolie Rex' robe. Not sparing a glance for the table. Climbs inside and disrobes to reveal a pink two piece..."

McCarthy: "If only she could fill it out!"

O'Dell: "Well, Mac, we're about ready to get started. Last chance to change that pick..."

McCarthy: "I think Jolie is way too cocky. Jewel's won eight of her last ten fights, and one of those losses was to ME. Kilcher's not in MY league, but Angelina needs to show her some respect. I think Jewel's going to knock her out!"

O'Dell: "I can't believe you're picking Jewel, but let's find out if you're right. Round one underway here and Jolie southpaw, snapping out a jab, circling Jewel counter clockwise as the blonde tries to close."

McCarthy: "Angie's taller. She has a little reach. She's using that right now. Jewel's eating jabs, keeping that guard high, trying to get into range to do some damage."

O'Dell: "Angelina sticking and moving. Looking quick and sharp. Landing consistently. Jewel trying to bob her way inside, but not having any success at this point."

McCarthy: "Angie keeps turning Jewel, using that stand and pivot style. Jewel not solving it right now. That's the bell, and that's the end of the first. Jolie clearly getting that one."

O'Dell: "Jewel back to the corner getting advice from Britney. She's in charge tonight with Jewel and Neve both in action..."

McCarthy: "Brit knows more than both of them put together. She'll come up witrh a strategy to deal with this."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Underway in the second and Jewel right after Angelina, but Jolie back to that right jab. Preempting Jewel, working that counterclockwise turn. She's not hurting the blonde, but she's scoring points."

McCarthy: "And that's what she wants here. Jewel's stronger, sturdier. Jolie doesn't want to bang with her for ten rounds. She'll do that in spots if she thinks she needs to, but if she can score like this, well, she'll take it all night."

O'Dell: "And take it she is. Jewel getting off only in spots here. Angie working a few straight lefts into the arsenal. Trying to bang them through Jewel's guard. The blonde mostly catching those on the gloves, but Angie's scoring plenty. That's the bell and another round to Jolie, Mac."

McCarthy: "Sure is. Angelina's fighting her fight right now. She's looking supremely confident, and why wouldn't she? She's beaten Jewel twice already and she's won the first two going away tonight."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "Into the third frame now, and Jewel looking to find a way past that hard right jab. Angelina lands a good one right there. Jewel catches a follow up left on her gloves, short with a counter left hand. Angelina doubles up on the right jab here. Circling counter clockwise, pivoting, turning Jewel. The blonde trying to get to the body a little, but short. Can't find the range."

McCarthy: "I hate to admit it, but Angie's doing a number on her. This is good stuff from Jolie."

O'Dell: "Solid right hand nails Jewel. Follow up left lands to the side of the head. Jewel steps in, but Angelina ties up, gets a break, back to work on the outside, sticking and turning. That's the bell, and a third straight good round for Jolie."

McCarthy: "No panic in the Front Street corner. Brit talking calmly to Jewel here. The blonde's got to find away to change things up, though, because, much more of this and Jolie's going to run and hide with this thing."

ROUND FOUR:

O'Dell: "Round four underway and Jewel working her own jab now, trying to cut off the ring on Angie. Jolie still working from the outside, still turning and pivoting, but Jewel controlling that movement a bit with a solid left jab."

McCarthy: "She's getting Jolie's attention a bit with it. Snapped the head back, dug a good right hand into the ribs as a follow up. Jolie back with a nice straight right. Jewel lands a jab of her own. The blonde willing to take one to give one, and that's a good strategy with Angie. She doesn't have the J-Mac chassis! Can't take a licking and keep on ticking!"

O'Dell: "Angie still having success from distance, but Jewel stepping into Jolie's body with those scooping right hands. Landing her own jab. Scoring better than she has all night."

McCarthy: "Jolie snaps out a right jab, Jewel counters with a left, bangs a right to the body, and there's the bell...Oooh...Angie gives Jewel a shove after the bell!"

O'Dell: "Earned a glare back from the blonde and and now Angie and Britney are jawing..."

McCarthy: "Jolie better get back to her corner. She doesn't want any of Brit!"

ROUND FIVE:

O'Dell: "Well, things have calmed down in there and we're underway in the fifth, after the referee gives warnings all around."

McCarthy: "And Jewel back to cutting off the ring with that jab. Let's the right hand go to the body. Scores before Angie can get away. Then resets."

O'Dell: "Blonde pressuring. Still taking the solid right jabs from Jolie, but giving as good as she's getting to the head, and scoring much more to the body."

McCarthy: "Jewel banging that right home, working hard in close, Angie having trouble getting back to open canvas. Jolie lands another right jab. Jewel snaps her head back with a straight left. That's the bell and there's an exchange of glares, but it's pretty clear Jewel got the nod in that one."

Posted by Results By Sim/Words By Wiz on 6/26/2011, 1:39 am

ROUND SIX:

O'Dell: "Sixth round underway and this has the potential to get nasty, Mac."

McCarthy: "Sure does, Jenny. There's a lot of hard-eyed looks going back and forth."

O'Dell: "And right now there are a lot of good right jabs coming from Angelina. She's re-established mid-ring and is ringing up Jewel with those solid jabs. Jewel still trying to close, but not having much success. Good follow up left hand, Angie! Got Jewel's attention."

McCarthy: "The blonde's not hurt, but those are effective punches, and they score points! Another good left off the right lead for Jolie."

O'Dell: "Jewel keeping the pressure on, but not able to get much done here. Another left for Jolie. Jewel lands a couple of hooks to the body, but Angie counters with a right jab, turns counter clockwise, back to work on the outside as the bell rings. Another round for Jolie. She's got a two point lead through six, Mac, and I'm sitting next to someone who'd know what to do with that!"

McCarthy: "Yeah, give me plus two after six, and I'm going to show you twelve minutes of boxing and defense and then wait to get my hand raised. Jolie, however, is no J-Mac."

ROUND SEVEN:

O'Dell: "Round seven, and Angelina's using the J-Mac blueprint. Snapping out that nice right jab, turning the blonde counter clockwise, slick stuff. Snaps a left into Jewel's face, punching through a keyhole here, Mac."

McCarthy: "Right hand lead, left hand follow up, both land clean. Angelina's dead on the range here. Jewel still pressuring, but she's not getting there. Short and late on everything."

O'Dell: "Jewel busting up a bit here. Not hurt, but taking a lot of punches. This is good, classy stuff from Jolie Rex..."

McCarthy: "Wait...ANGELINA is Jolie Rex? I thought Jolie Rex was her dog!"

O'Dell: "Another one-two from Angie. Good, accurate stuff from Jolie. Scoring in buckets here. Jewel lands a left jab, can't follow up. Jolie already gone behind that right jab. Nice left lead Jolie stopped Jewel in her tracks. Angie circles away from a right hand counter. There's the bell and that's five out of seven for Angie."

ROUND EIGHT:

O'Dell: "The eighth is underway and Jewel aggressively after Angie here. Jolie still landing that right jab. Jewel again having success with her own jab. Locating with that left, landing to the body with the right in follow up."

McCarthy: "Jewel's chopping some meat with that right hand. There's another and you can HEAR that banging into Angie's ribs!"

O'Dell: "Jolie circling away, but Jewel landing again. Doubles up on the jab, hooks to the midsection, backing Angie up for the first time. Good left hook to the kidney, follow up right hand hurt Angie! Jolie's rocked! Jolie in a tight guard. Jewel all up in her grill, banging at that body, driving Angie to the ropes for the first time, pounding right hands off Jolie's gloves!"

McCarthy: "Angie just hanging on here, clinching, trying to trap Jewel's arms, but the blonde fights free, back to the midsection with a left-right. And there's the bell and none too soon for Angie. Best round of the fight for Jewel!"

ROUND NINE:

O'Dell: "Moving into round nine now, and Jewel is boring in on Angelina. Jolie trying to keep her off with the jab, but Jewel's walking through it now, looking to bang to the body."

McCarthy: "Good hooks to the flanks by Jewel. She's digging in, finding Angie, backing her up. Jolie still finding the range with the right jab, but Jewel getting to her now, smothering her."

O'Dell: "Jewel is lathering those lats right now, backing Angie into the ropes. Jolie tying up, but Jewel shrugs her off, digs the left to the ribs, right to the chin..."

McCarthy: "Jolie's hurt! Knees wobbled!"

O'Dell: "Jewel knows it and she's head hunting. Rocking Jolie with hard shots upstairs. Angie catching some of them on the gloves. Jewel buries a right to the ribs, big left hook and DOWN GOES ANGIE!"

McCarthy: "Jolie really rocked by that one. Pulling herself up on the ropes, taking the mandatory eight. Says she's OK to go and the ref's going to let her."

O'Dell: "Jewel right back on board, banging to the body, driving Angie back into the ropes. Nasty left to the ribs, short right. Angie wobbles and GOES DOWN AGAIN!"

McCarthy: "Jolie's on her knees. Will take eight before she gets to her feet. And there's the bell! The ninth is in the books, and it's a huge round for Jewel!"

ROUND TEN:

O'Dell: "My card has us all even going into the tenth, Mac..."

McCarthy: "Mine, too, but the big question right now is, can Jolie survive this round."

O'Dell: "We're about to find out. There's the bell and Jewel is right back after Jolie..."

McCarthy: "Angie doesn't look good here. Looks wobbly..."

O'Dell: "Jewel walking through Angie's jab, going to work on that midsection. Heaping hurt into the ribs. Angie tying up, trying to shove the blonde away and get some room to punch, but Jewel too strong, not getting moved, banging away to the body, bunching Angie up. Right hook clean! DOWN GOES JOLIE!"

McCarthy: "Nasty punch right there. Angie to her knees. Again takes eight before she gets to her feet. Referee going to let it continue."

O'Dell: "Jewel more than happy to keep going. Walks through a right jab, blasts a hook into the belly, rocks Angie backward with a right cross..."

McCarthy: "LEFT UPPERCUT! DOWN GOES ANGIE!"

O'Dell: "Jolie flattened by that one! Rolls to her knees. No quit in her. Back to her feet. Takes the eight. Ref waives Jewel forward. The blonde snaps Angie's head back with a left, sends her reeling back to the ropes with a right hand...AND IT'S OVER! The referee has seen enough! He's pulling a stunned Angie away! And the winner by TKO10 is Jewel Kilcher!"

AFTER:

McCarthy: "Let's go up to the ring and Jenny O'Dell!"

O'Dell: "I've got our winner, Jewel, and I want to ask this about Angelina..."

Jewel: "No disrespect to you, Jenny, you're a Hall of Famer and you deserve it, but I don't want to talk about Jolie. I wasted her, period. What I want to talk about is the bantamweight rankings. I've won nine of eleven now and there were good fighters in there. I've got another title run left in me. Rank me, boys. Because I'm not going away."