(Result:Simguy/Words:Simgrrl)

(Held ONE WEEK BEFORE the rest of the Academy PPV)

Before: Cat Bell grins "For those of you, like Tess Valmore, who want to see me fighting regularly in Tijuana, I'm sorry to disappoint you, tonight is just a one-time thing!"

That's right boxing fans, it's Cat Bell and Minnie Driver... LIVE FROM TIJUANA! British actress Minnie Driver's an 'independent' but one with friends in high places. One of those friends, Catherine Zeta Jones, arranged with an old friend in Mexico (from her "Zorro" days) to promote this special fight in an arena in Old Tijuana. Driver, Catherine and Driver's trainer, Liz Hurley, arrived a month in advance so Minnie could acclimate herself to the heat and humidity.

Bell flew in just two days ahead of the fight from Ontario, Canada where she just wrapped shooting on her latest "Good Witch" movie. Bell assured the media she was "...ready to go. I got in a bit of work on location and I did a lot of training for 'Last Man Standing' which was just released last month - don't miss it; it's a fun ride. That, plus my regular sparring at the Academy will hold me in good stead. Besides, I don't expect any trouble from Minnie Mous...er, Driver."
This is a rematch of the 1-21-11 down-to-the-wire fight that marked Driver's return to the FCBA after an eight year absence. (See the first fight HERE)

Tess Valmore wrote in her blog, "...this fight is just another in a long line of examples of the pitiful state of 'Ginny's Academy.' It was reported that Bell wanted to fight several has-been's, wannabe's or never-were's [i.e., (Melinda) Clarke, Hunter, Driver, Falchi, Fuentes, Thurman, Silvstedt, Nadine, Visser]. That list is a total embarrassment to the legendary (Hall of Fame) brunette and I can't imagine how Bell must feel; seeing her own stable's opinion of her is so low as to consider this level of comp for her next fight. If I were Bell, I'd announce my retirement now...just to save myself the humiliation of having to spend my twilight years mud wrestling, oil wrestling or tussling in apartments with young women who just want to be able to say they fought me. The 'Cat Bell brand' still has some value - but at the rate it's going, her brand will be as worthless as US Government bonds by August."

Driver, as expected, is upbeat and excited about a chance for redemption after a 1 point, split decision, loss to Bell in January. "I wasn't terribly upset at losing - not after not being in an FCBA ring for nearly eight years. I'd been active in England and Europe off and on for most of that time, but since January, I've really trained hard for this rematch; put in hundreds of rounds; dropped a dozen pounds and sharpened up considerably. The woman Bell is facing tonight is nothing like the soft, out-of-shape, hausfrau she barely edged out in a hometown decision six months ago."

Bell, respectfully, disagrees with both women. "Sure, I'm older and a little slower than five or ten years ago, but I'm also smarter. I've accepted there are some things I can't do as well as I did in my prime, but I'm still competitive at welter and I'm better'n 90% of the women there. By picking my opponents, fighting smart (and taking the lion's share of the purse) I can fight at a high level another 4-5 years. Of course, most of my time is spent training Charlize and Candice - plus I'm doing more rasslin' now than before. I accept there are limits on what I can do.

"Driver's built her whole career on her physical resemblance to me. She's brunette, like me; she's buxom, like me; she's 5'10", like me; she was born in England, like me; she's a mother, like me. Seems everything I do, Driver copies; she just doesn't do it as well as me! I can't imagine why anyone wants to see her fight after the way I humbled her before, but there you are. They gave me 80% of the live gate so I can take her to school again...why would I turn down the opportunity to do something like that!"
* * * * *
Brief delay. Girls forced to wait nervously in the wings for several minutes while the cleaning crew shovels up behind the donkey show, then waiting some more while the ring is lowered into place. Cat heard barking at her cellphone, demanding someone (her agent? Ginny?) "...never book me in one of these damm shows ever again!" When the girls finally climb the steps and are called to the center for the referee's instructions, crowd gets their first face-to-face comparison and it's stunning. Cat in a small, tight, white bikini; white gloves/black shoes; short black hair straight & loose. Driver in a royal blue bra style bikini similar to the first fight, but a full size smaller bottom (top still filled to capacity, thankfully); white gloves/shoes; her dark hair in a tight slugger's bun with ringlets framing her angular face. Bell looking bigger, softer, than the first fight - a sharp contrast to Driver, whose stockier body outweighs Bell's by at least ten pounds, yet is tighter, harder and looks more firm. All the training Driver claims to have done certainly helps her appearance, if nothing else.
Liz Hurley/Catherine Zeta Jones as seconds for Driver;Theron/Sharon Stone in Bell's corner.

During R1: Both big women out of their corners with evil intentions; forgoing the usual feeling out to trade bombs at long range before falling into a big woman's clench all thunderous thighs, bouncing backsides and bulging bosoms as they twist and turn thumping away with either hand to the flanks. Little Mexican MC/referee has his hands full (lucky guy) as he struggles to separate the two, each of whom likely weighs more than he does. Second minute, Cat gets some separation with her jab, uses it to set up a sweet overhand right that sends ripples down into Driver's glutes. Minnie grabs Cat around the waist and bearhugs her, burying her face in Cat's shoulder and hangs on for dear life; ignoring the referee's plea of "Leggo Missy" until her head clears. Minnie heaves Cat back, then hammers a left hook low into her side that brings a bleat of pain. Driver powers a straight right to the point of Cat's chin that snaps Bell's head back and she sits on the middle rope - probably the only thing to save her from a knockdown! Driver wedges her left shoulder under Cat's jaw and pounds Bell's belly bulge with breath-stealing power punching. Cat forced to wrap her arms around Minnie's head and hang on to the bell. Both women sway, spellbound, at the bell before heading to their corners where their seconds swarm over them while the swarthy referee towels sweat from his weathered Mestizo face.

R2: Bell's not fully recovered from the first and Driver's quick to capitalize. Min with the lead right, Bell reacting sluggishly; takes it high off her left shoulder and ear. BELL'S HURT! Big brunette rocked again by a powerful left hook, right cross combination that sends her reeling back against the ropes earmuffing. Driver steps with, digging into Bell's soft middle with both fists as Cat bends forward head-in-gloves, elbows-tucked, rolling shoulder and bobbing head desperately as Minnie tee's off with mean intentions! Cat rocked by an up-the-middle uppercut that straightens her upright and bends her backward over the ropes. Minnie with her left glove under Cat's chin, just bludgeoning away to the body with that right hand. Little referee pulling and tugging on MD's hips to no avail and she continues to hammer Cat's lush body as the crowd roars! DOWN GOES CAT! Accumulation of body blows buckle Bell's legs, but it's two more huge uppercuts that short-circuit the wiring and send her corkscrewing into the canvas knees first, then over onto her face. Driver steps on Bell's bulging butt cheeks as she goes to the nearby corner. The referee hurries after her, yammering in Spanish, grabbing her arm and pointing to the opposite corner. Driver looks down at Cat's writhing backside and tosses her damp, dark, locks dismissively as she struts past the downed Hall of Famer. Cat reaching for the ropes...loses her grip and flops onto her cleavage with a grunt... tries again and pulls herself to her knees, crawling around looking for her mouthpiece (which is still in her mouth). She barely makes it to her feet and the fight resumes - despite protests from Zeta Jones and Hurley that she should have been counted out with a red-faced Hurley screaming, "She was down for fifteen goddam seconds, you incompetent beaner basterd!" Bell staggering to the ropes, her butt on the middle strand as Driver storms in, looms over her and bashes breadbasket with both fists! Bell groaning, grunting, groping blindly as she tries gamely to hang onto whatever part of Minnie Driver she can get her gloves on. BELL'S READY TO GO! Bell buffeted from one foot to the other, her backside sliding along the ropes as Driver tears into her with no regard to her own defense; blindly focused solely on the complete and total destruction of the hated brunette Bell. Cat's legs are about to go when she's pushed back against the turnbuckle and pinned by Driver's belly-on-belly weight as Minnie digs in behind Cat's elbows with either hand; gutting the aging superstar. Bell: Driver turns and struts away, arms raised in triumph like she's on a red carpet; leaving the disheveled wreck of Cat Bell in her wake. Theron hurriedly through the ropes, almost falling as her foot snags the mid-strand. She catches Bell under the arms, embraces her and holds her until Stone gets there. Together they carry/drag Cat back to her stool where she slumps on her stool while they two worried blondes work on her with Endswell, smelling salts and ice packs.

R3: How tuff is Cat! There's not near enough time to fix all that's wrong with Bell and all too soon she's being pushed up on unsteady legs and sent out for the next round! Cat falls into a clinch right from the get-go and Driver's too exhausted from the number of punches she threw the previous round to take advantage. Bell desperately hanging on, holding Driver around the upper torso, pinning her arms, chickenwinging and - when the ref is constrained to interfere - spinning them both around like finalists on dancing with the FCBA stars. Once, they actually knock the poor Mexican off his feet! Cat waltzes, cha-cha's and tangos her way to a point edge in the round simply by "dictating the pace" and thumping a few lackluster punches to Driver's flanks rather than anything substantive. Still, it's a classic 'stay alive' round for a wily veteran who keeps herself in the game thru 3.

R4: Toe-to-toe brutality. Both brunette's digging their toes in and fighting like it's the last tango in Tijuana. A flurry from Cat gives her the early edge, only to be reeled in and surpassed by a 'stand and deliver blows' rally from Driver in the second minute. Bell, seemingly on her last legs, rallies late to light up Minnie in the closing seconds, battering her at ropes to bell. Shockingly, despite the second round collapse, Bell finds herself within a point or two nearing the halfway mark!

R5: OMIGOD! STOP THE FIGHT REF! Driver leaping out of her corner, hammering Bell with a dozen or more unopposed punches. The Big Cat reeling drunkenly under the fusillade of blows, back on her heels, careening from corner to corner. Bell staggered, then dropped to one knee in the opening minute of the round. Referee gives the big brunette a standing eight, checks her gloves and eyes, then waves Minnie back in! Driver like a woman possessed; going 'all in' with a whirlwind of furious power not seen in Mexico since the Revolution of 1910! Bell's knees constantly unhinged as she's battered from turnbuckle to turnbuckle by a woman possessed! Driver not pausing, throwing everything but the donkey at her hated rival as Bell can't seem to find it in her to make a stand. BELL GOES DOWN AGAIN! Second minute in and Bell's knocked over backward, landing hard flat on her back, arms/legs spread-eagled. Again, the manic Driver pauses to bend over Cat, shaking her fists at her and screaming, "I'm better than you, old woman!" While the referee wrestles Driver to a neutral corner, interrupted by Minnie shoving the old man and adjust her top - which seemed to be inadvertently caught by his cufflink - giving Cat Bell precious time to clear her head and stagger to her feet, reeling to the ropes and holding herself up with her arm over the top rope. Minnie Driver intent on finishing the job, charges in and drives her shoulder into Bell's precious pecs, almost knocking her backward through the ropes. Bell hanging on for dear life, gives up her body to keep herself upright...and pays a terrible price! Driver coming up the middle with everything but the kitchen sink; hammering Bell's belly with both hands, then as Cat is forced to clinch Minnie maliciously molests Bell's proud puppies; ramming her fists up under her cups left-right-left-right. By the time the referee pulls her off, one of Cat's puppies has escaped the cage and the other has three paws out. Thankfully, the conscientious referee halts the action while he uses both hands to "put things back in place" - a kindness that draws strong verbal rebukes from both Zeta Jones and Hurley who are livid at his lack of concern for Driver's impending victory! Closing seconds, Bell battered to the mat again and this time she's only saved by the bell. With Catherine Zeta Jones and Hurley both confronting the referee, redfaced and literally spitting mad, Stone and Theron scramble in to drag Cat's battered body back to her stool where they do some triage on their semi-comatose charge who managed to survive the round (barely) on pride and legs alone(!)