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23 July 2011 Rachel Bilson vs Cassie Scerbo

Page history last edited by Archer844 12 years, 5 months ago

Rachel Bilson 04.jpg Cassie Scerbo 02.jpg

Site: The Asylum Arena. Philadelphia, Pennyslvania

Posted by Results By Sim/Words By Bazz on 7/23/2011, 11:19 pm

The crowd assembling early at The Asylum. Any fight with Cassie Scerbo involved brings out celebrities and boxing aficionados alike. Former nemesis and now good friend Tom Cruise rides a private elevator up to his even more private luxury suite with David Beckham, John Travolta and Will Smith on a boys night out.
“Don’t worry guys I’ve got plenty of that Wiz guy’s butter brickle ice cream in the freezer up there and Scerbo never fails to entertain! It’s going to be a great night!” Top Gun lets out with glee.
“Tom man this is so cooooul.” Travolta answers with his usual long lazy drawl as he follows with his signature mookish gait. “Hey David where do you get those suits you wear man? I’ve got to get some of those.”
“Johnny you’ve got to get one of those bodies first. Until then back off the tight suits.” Will Smith answers for Beckham ever the chop buster.
“Yeah Yeah whatever Will. So David how do you get back and forth from Europe? You know I could fly you sometime. It’ll be goooooud. Just ask Will.” Johnny offers the soccer star.
Just before he answers Beckham sees an animated Will Smith shake his head and draw a line across his neck with a face that is right out of a comedic scene from “The Prince of Bel Air” all behind Travolta’s back.
“Well ugh I actually am friends with Richard Branson and he would get all twisted if he found that I had ever flown anything but his Virgin Atlantic.” The English clotheshorse hurriedly explains. The Fresh Prince gives Beckham the thumbs up sign for the quick escape.
Meanwhile Olivia Munn settles into her seat at ringside. She discreetly checks under her coat for the two large cups of Cozy Shack butterscotch pudding. The top of each cup features its two newest celebrity spokespersons, Cassie Scerbo and Munn herself resplendent in boxing gear sharing a cup of pudding and making a tidy profit from the butterscotching of Munn’s pool. Olivia looks to her left and furrows her brow at the sight of a gaggle of flyweights filing into her ringside row and taking every other seat. They include Nessa Hudgens, KBell, Ashley Tisdale, Ashley Benson, Miley Cyrus, Lucy Hale, Kristen Kreuk, Ellen Page, Shakira and a half a dozen others from the lightest weight class. Hudgens then strides to the announce table where she joins Jennifer O'Dell as guest commentator for the fight.

At the podium Rachel Bilson goes first. “You know everyone in the flyweight division has been gunning for Scerbo and Panettiere for quite some time and tonight will be the first step. Scerbo goes down and next up its Pannytime for me.” Rache states as nonchalantly as if whatever she says is a certain truth.
“Well The Bison sure has a nifty schedule planned for the summer. I wonder when she plans to find the time to get the talent she’ll need to beat me because The Bison sure doesn’t have it now.” Scerbo retorts.
“STOP CALLING ME BISON!” comes from Rachel Bilson’s side of the podium like a horrifying shriek. Security jumps in to hold back the enraged flyweight obviously besides herself that she doesn’t have a snark sufficient enough to top being put alongside a grazing cow. The prefight goes to Scerbo.
As the fighters go to mid ring for instructions Cassie Scerbo senses something’s up. She turns in mid stride, stops and glares at the long row of flyweights and then just as quickly continues to the referee.

“Oh dear God! I knew she was after me! I’m a dead man walking!” One Bartholomew Algonquin Parsley Alahandro Hay screams in horror from the row just behind the flyweight contingent.
“Settle down honey! I can work things out with Cassie. We’re buddies.” Tess Valmore tries to calm her fellow reporter.
“You have no idea! It’s like being marked by the Hells Angels!” Smackey bellows like the next victim in a Freddie Kruger movie.

Rd 1 Fighters diametrically opposed in their boxing styles. Scerbo dancing in and out trying to outquick Bilson with combinations. Rache coming in strong with her neck bulled trying to bang Scerbo around. Scerbo moving about trying to gain access to the Bilson fortress built with shoulders and forearms but she’s finding no luck. Meanwhile Bilson’s straight ahead style has the Bazz blonde backing up but she’s easily shucking the brunette’s punches. The round comes down to Rache chasing down the elusive Scerbo chopping away with powerful swings while Cass retreats and tries to counterpunch. Neither girl does much scoring let alone any damage. Scerbo way too quick and Bilson’s defense more than adequate against Scerbo’s counterpunching yet it’s the brunette’s aggressiveness that takes the round.

Rd 2 Scerbo takes Bilson through an episode of Dancing with the Stars moving the brown haired beauty around the ring with her speed and crisp combinations. Scerbo moves in and out on Bilson showing perfect form leading in on her left leg and bouncing flurry after flurry off of her foe’s noggin. Rache confused and out of sorts never having handled anyone this quick this side of Panettiere. Suddenly it’s a gross of thudding blows that leaves Bilson looking to the ropes to stay alive. She wobbles about like a slinky as Scerbo attacks against the ropes with wide punches to the body. Crowd into it as Bilson recovers, starts her power punching that Scerbo has to respect being knock out worthy swings.

Rd 3 Scerbo out strong again. She’s jitterbugging and throwing some crisp punches. Rache’s head snapping back as Scerbo’s quickness is frustrating the brunette to no end. Bilson begins to settle down and throwing up the mitts around her face for protection and snapping out her own jabs starting to keep Scerbo at bay. The result is the smaller quicker Bazz blonde circling the longer reach of the brown haired O.C. girl looking for any opening but not finding much. Jabs followed by buggywhip right hands land on Bilson’s arms and hips with little effect. Meanwhile Bilson trying to keep up the aggressive movements through the round. A good back and forth between the two flyweights at the end of the round as defenses momentarily break down and Bilson lands a couple of hard rights to Scerbo’s jaw but Scerbo’s battering of the brunette’s body and face with some wicked combinations is the highlight of the round.

Rd 4 Bilson having survived Scerbo’s blitzkriegs for one more round comes out with a swagger. Brunette shooting out strong jabs followed by deliberate but powerful right hands. Bilson flat footed looking for leverage against the speedy flyweight. Scerbo putting a big pout on the O.C. girl with relentless left leads followed by stinging right hands. Yet a couple of Bilson sliding rights catch Cassie’s torso and slow her down. Little blondie forced to cover up and go back to work against the ropes. Rache grinning wide as the mitts are finally meeting flesh. Scerbo handling the pressure no sweat but Bilson gains confidence and continues strong after the bell sounds. Scerbo complaining vehemently the referee has heard it all before and issues a warning to Bilson’s corner who nonetheless racks up another round.

Bilson getting encouragement from her corner. The heavy handed approach is starting to show results. Scerbo getting a stern lecture from Monica Brant in her left ear and Poindexter Del Crunchy getting his two cents in on the right one. Pick it up or Pointy will pull the plug on the mediocre performance. Meanwhile all is well in the Cruise luxury suite as a second meat course of rack of lamb is served. Travolta making sure that everyone in the booth sees his Chumly the Walrus initation as he sticks two rib bones out of his mouth like tusks this further confirms David Beckham’s decision to continue flying Virgin Atlantic.

Bilson/Scerbo Part II

Posted by Results By Sim/Words By Bazz on 7/23/2011, 11:23 pm

Rd 5.6.7 Scerbo gets the message and the results show. Blonde ponytail flies up and down with each jab. Bilson getting touched all over her face. Scerbo adds a buggywhip right hand to the menu and Rache is in full retreat. Brunette backed into the ropes taking a heaping portion of hup! hup! hup! Scerbo not slowing down an iota and the crowd is going wild. Everywhere Bilson tries to hide Scerbo’s fists find her. Blondie busts up Rache, backs off until the O. C. Girl thinks it’s safe to come out of her hole and then she bores back in again. Scerbo putting the D in dominate through the three rounds beating up the brunette in every corner of the ring. Finally Bilson gets chance bolting to her right, ducking under the machine gunning Scerbo and escaping to mid ring. Scerbo gives chase landing a left, right and uppercut combination and just like that Rache is up against the ropes again. As round 7 ends Cass just can’t help herself turning with expert abruptness and. . . OH THE HUMANITY! IT”S A PONYLASH! Rachel Bilson’s eyes bug out and she lets out a screech through gritted teeth at the indignity of it all. “I will not be treated this way! Look at me in this bikini! It’s leopard print and I’m hot!” Bilson screams like a lunatic as she is dragged to her corner.

Rd 8 Scerbo continues to have the upper hand at the outset of the round. The blonde tyke shuffles around her foe peppering her with jabs and jackhammer right hands. Bilson fights back more deliberately. As the round wears on Rache gets back to touching up Cass again. Bigger brunette mauls Scerbo into the corner and bangs away on blondie. Scerbo covers up rather effectively while Bilson unloads. There are only a smattering of the many punches getting anywhere near Scerbo’s face or torso. Despite the aggression Bilson can only rack up points and seemingly even things up with Scerbo for the round.
Rd 9 Three round surge by Scerbo has Bilson desperate. She stalks the Bazz flyweight around the ring swinging wildly trying to catch her with a knockout shot. Meanwhile Scerbo dances on the outskirts, a firefly around a lamp, striking when the opening is there. Again Bilson the aggressor while Scerbo stays away and entertains the crowd with her antics her imitation a little bit Ali a little bit Sugar Ray. Meanwhile Pointy knowing that nothing is in the bag yells for Scerbo to get more aggressive. Despite her manager’s orders Scerbo uses her quickness to make it next to impossible for the slower Bilson to get to her. Every once in a while the blonde would engage with a combination to Bilson’s body or head but the round belongs to the brunette by far.
Rd 10 Poindexter Del Crunchy has more than a couple of words with his flyweight about finishing up the fight and as a result Scerbo is more involved for the final round. She uses her hand speed to attack her foe but Bilson is still the aggressor and connecting more often. Ever present bulled neck and rolled shoulders shows a bigger girl working hard against Scerbo. Bilson jabs at her bouncing forward on left leg looking for a knockout opening but it just isn’t there. Scerbo hasn’t lost sight of the need to protect herself. She still keeps her distance and hits up her opponent when she can. Bilson frustrated and desperate. She’s trying to take down trees with her chopping swings on Scerbo but the blonde tyke is just staying out of reach. Round ends with Scerbo adding insult to injury snapping off a nifty left right combination and connecting to Bilson’s head all while in full retreat. Comes back One Point Duke for Scerbo.

After: If Scerbo seems surprised that the decision was that close Bilson is apoplectic that she’s lost. She stomps her feet in protest and gives the referee an earful until he administers a firm shake of the young brunette’s arm and admonishes her to behave. Scerbo shrugs as the ref raises her arm. A victory is a victory in her book and besides Rache proved to be a tough out. Scerbo turns to congratulate her opponent on a good fight and to tell her she’s definitely potential top ten worthy but all she gets for her trouble is a yank on her ponytail and a snarling Rachel Bilson. Meanwhile the assembled flyweights move into action from the first row.
“Bison, what the hell are you doing?” Scerbo yells as she tries to disengage herself from Bilson’s clutches.
“You’ll see you limelight stealing wench. You’re going to get a life changing wedgie from us. AND STOP CALLING ME BISON!” Bilson screams hysterically.
“The hell with that! I’m not letting anyone give me a rear admiral! What the….?” Scerbo’s objection is interrupted by the sight of over a dozen flyweights climbing into the ring.
Poindexter Del Crunchy sees the trouble and calls in the troops with a hand held radio and then leaps into the ring with Monica Brant. Both of them try to cut off the surge of flyweights massing on the Bilson side of the ring but like swarming bees some of them get through. Nessa Hudgens and Ashley Tisdale get to Scerbo and Bilson who are continuing their wrestling match.

“Time to pay the Piper Scerbie!” Nessa states as she grabs a hold of Cassie.
Still able to muster some humor Scerbo responds with “No way Perabo is hanging with you mutants! She’s much better looking!”
“Remember me Scerbonator?” Ashley Tisdale grabs at the Bazz flyweight .
“Yeah! I kicked the poop out of you last PPV!” The remark only gets a harder hair pull from Tisdale.
Pointy has a bushel of flyweights seemingly under control along with Brant who is pushing them out of the ring as they kick and scratch two at a time. The big Scotsman is walking around with four girls in his arms squeezing them as hard as he can while KBell and Lucy Hale are at his knees biting like a couple of bobcats. “Sweet mother of Mary these wee little ones are razor fanged hellions!”

Meanwhile an unlikely ally enters the ring with a folding chair. Olivia Munn comes roaring through the ropes swinging away. “Scerbo and I are going to make a fortune in pudding and I’ll be damned if you small fries are going to mess things up!”
Munn takes down Ellen Page and Shakira with her first swing of the folded chair, a perfecft uct that bangs off of each head, and then with the recoil DOWN GOES POINTY! DOWN GOES POINTY! Olivia mistakenly gets the big Scotsman’s large head with the chair and all 6’-7” of him goes down like a Califormia sequoia. The action in the ring momentarily stops as the thud thunders throughout the arena.
“Oh bloody hell I used to watch that man lay waste to some pretty tough rugby players when I was growing up. Gentlemen that man is going to wreak havoc when he gets up!” David Beckham advises from high up in the Cruise suite.
“Hey the TV stopped broadcasting the fight and is playing Swan Lake IV: The Revenge Of The Pigeons. Didn’t you play pigeon #3 John?” The Fresh Prince can’t help smiling over at Travolta.
“I was the narrator. My third cousin Alphonse was the director. My mother threatened to disown me if I didn’t do it. It was before Pulp Fiction. You know tough times.” Travolta smirks at the comment but keeps his eyes on the brouhaha down below.

Meanwhile the flyweights who have survived the fall with Pointy climb out from under him like roaches and head towards Scerbo who is now being held by the Bilson, Hudgens and Tisdale trifecta. The flyweights are seconds away from hanging Scerbo by her bikini bottoms. Security has been slowed to a crawl as a result of an informal pie eating contest with the behemoths from HBO back in the Bazz buffet room. The rather corpulent crew is still trying to button their pants in order to get into the action. It’s down to Brant and Munn fighting off as many flyweights as they can when suddenly a 5” stiletto heel black pump goes flying across the ring and lands with a thud on Tisdale’s head.

“Oweee! Oweee! She gave me an oweee!” Tisdale screeches as she slumps to the floor and points over to Tess Valmore who has climbed into the ring.
“You leave my buddy Scerbo alone! And I’ve got another pump locked and loaded!” Tess yells, a giant amongst the surging flyweights. The girls heed her warning for a second and then resume the pillaging.
The few second delay does its job as Poindexter Del Crunchy roars back to life shaking his head. “I’m going to be chewing on bloody flyweights for breakfast lunch and dinner for a week you wee little lasses!”
He wades into the mass of shorter girls grabbing them up like hors d’oeuvres. Just then a long blue line of Scottish tartan blue blurs its way down the aisle towards the ring. It’s the entire Bazz Fight Club racing into action. Security tries to stop the throng but Alana De La Garza, Aly Michalka and Olivia Wilde control the moose herd with batting eye lashes and a simple hello allowing the rest of the crew to make it down to Scerbo. Bloodgood reaches the ring first and makes short work of Hudgens and Bilson throwing them off of Scerbo and collecting her club mate and getting her back to the corner. Any thought of battling the fight club ends as Lis Rohm, Bridget Regan and Angie Everhart face off with the crew of winded flyweights. One look at the light and welterweight talent aligned against them sends half the girls scrambling out of the ring.

“The rest of you girls have 3 seconds to move it or me and the girls are gonna turn you into clam chowder!” Angie Everhart announces. The ring empties as if someone put a cat into a room full of mice.
Meanwhile Scerbo hasn’t lost her spice. She grabs Rachel Bilson as she races by on her way out. “Sorry Rache but your due for a promotion, to rear admiral!”
The brunette squeals as Cassie reaches behind Bilson and lifts her off the ground by her leopard print bikini bottom. Scerbo presents the flyweight to each corner of the arena which draws a standing ovation from the savage crowd. Just then security prances down to the ring arm in arm with a smiling contingent of De La Garza, Wilde and Michalka. Order is restored and security leads away a weeping Rachel Bilson complete with stretched out leopard print bikini bottoms.

Both crews are served with paperwork from the commissioner’s office that lists possible infractions that look like a menu from a Greek diner. Meanwhile the flyweights escape into the night having lost out on a prime chance at achieving a still mysterious goal.