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23 July 2011 Post Fight Midsummer Night Scheme

Page history last edited by Archer844 12 years, 5 months ago

Posted by Boxing World Online on 7/23/2011, 11:49 pm, in reply to "Midsummer Night's Scheme At The Asylum"

The Man In The Hat sits on the dais surrounded, as usual, by pulchritude. To his left are Anna Torv, Gemma Arterton, Cassie Scerbo, Pink, Britney Spears, and Avril Lavigne. To his right sit Serinda Swan, Katy Perry, Ke$ha, Neve Campbell, Jewel, and Brooklyn Decker.

Man In The Hat: "All right, before we get started, let me thank Av for another great card. Super job, kid. Now, Cable Boy..."

HBO Reporter: "Um...what's Scerbo doing here? Isn't this a Front Street press conference?"

Man In The Hat: "Cassie is an HONORARY member of Front Street and she asked if she could come. I don't like tellin' the kid 'no'. And, now that you have her attention, I was you, I'd ask her a question..."

HBO Reporter: "Cassie, were you surprised the fight was that close?"

Cassie: "I was surprised the decision was. I thought I was further ahead. But, I knew I had her late and I wasn't going to trade with her. Besides, one point or ten, it's still a win."

Man In The Hat: "Cable Boy II...go!"

Showtime Reporter: "Katy and Ke$ha are both still undefeated. Are you happy with their development?"

Man In The Hat: "Big K was very good tonight. She tends to get excited early. Takes a while to settle down. She did it quicker than ever tonight, and when she settled in, she made no mistake and took Swift out of there. She's still got plenty to learn, but she's looked better every time out. Katy had more guts than brains tonight."

(Laughter)

Man In The Hat(looking at Perry): "Kid, you know I love ya, but you also know all Pinder can do is brawl. Which is why our fight plan was to box. You lose the plan on your way over here?"

(Laughter)

Man In The Hat: "Seriously, though, ain't everyone can beat a fighter at their own game. Katy could. And did. I'm proud of her. Oh, Lord, it's Brunette Magazine!"

Brunette Reporter: "Were you surprised how well Finnigan fought against Gemma?"

Man In The Hat: "I was NOT. See, part of the reason Finnigan don't get a lot of FCBA fights is because she's GOOD. And dangerous. She can beat you. She was a test for Gemma. And the Gravesend Gladiator might have missed a question or two, but she PASSED!"

(Laughter)

Man In The Hat: "All right. Equal time. BLONDE! Magazine..."

BLONDE! Reporter: "I want to ask about those late punches to the rack by Serinda against Carrie..."

Serinda: "Don't bother to ask about the low blows that pageant bytch threw..."

BLONDE! Reporter: "I didn't see any low blows..."

Man In The Hat: "Look, this could go on all night. Bottom line. Swan knocked Prejean out DESPITE the tactics Carrie used. Serinda was very, very good out there. She's now nine for her last ten. She's as good a light as I've got. Tess, dear, go ahead. And great job with theb post fight interviews."

Tess(smiling): "Thanks, Wiz. How surprised were you when it turned out to be McCarthy who was training Prejean?"

Man In The Hat: "Well, anyone who comes after a guy who has an arsenal of fighters like mine with a pea shooter has to be pretty stupid. And, when it comes to stupid, McCarthy's at the top of the list..."

(Laughter)

Tess: "What do you think she's up to?"

Man In The Hat: "Takin' a wild guess here...somethin' really dumb!"

(Laughter)

Man In The Hat: "Smackey, take us home."

Reporter: "Have you heard the rumors Lawless is considering retirement..."

Anna: "I hope it's not true. She can still fight."

Man In The Hat: "Look, Lucy can still win fights at welter, I'm sure. Tonight, she just ran into one of the best lightweights in the world. Anna was fantastic tonight. There aren't too many fighters on the planet who'd have beaten her."

Reporter: "So, who's your number one lightweight?"

Gemma: "Anna is. You saw her tonight. She was awesome."

Anna(barely audible): "Thanks..."

Reporter: "Wiz?"

Man In The Hat(smiling): "She's sitting right next to me."

Reporter: "Wait...what do you mean by..."

Man In The Hat:"That's it, gang. Off to dinner with Bazz and Beth. Now, get out of here!"

Posted by Boxing World Online on 7/24/2011, 9:42 am

Our reporter enters Front Street to find Rufus and Avril talking in the middle of an empty gym.

Reporter: "What's up, Rufe? Av?"

Rufus: "I'm waiting for Wiz and Ms. BlackBerry here to leave so I can lock the place up and meet Reg and Pauley at the Manor. Wiz has the Pirates and Cardinals on the satellite. And plenty of PBR."

Reporter: "He give everyone the day off?"

Rufus: "Yeah. But Decker's back in the office with him. And this little blonde PITA is waiting for last night's quarter hour numbers from HBO!"

Reporter: "Um...can't you get those at home, Av?"

Avril: "I'm going straight to the Manor from here. We're having a post-Asylum party. Bazz and Beth will be there. And HBO's crack in-ring interviewer. Maybe she'll invite you as her plus-one..."

Reporter: "You guys are hilarious! First, she doesn't TELL me she's got the interviewing gig until I see her in an HBO blazer and now...this. And I promised to take mother out to dinner today..."

Avril: "Oh, BRING her! There's always room for one more!"

A shiver runs down the reporter's spine as he imagines his straight-laced, non-drinking mother hanging with Wiz, Pointy and the crew...and dozens of scantily-clad women around the pool.

Avril: "UNLESS...you don't WANT your mom, the world's biggest 'Law and Order' fan, as I recall, to meet Rohm and de la Garza..."

Reporter(shaking his head): "Maybe I'll tell her PBR is an energy drink..."

Avril(looking at BlackBerry): "And here they ARE! These are great! Highest ratings yet! Putting Scerbo first was the key! Her fight got great numbers and set up the rest of the night! We'll have to wait for the demos, but the guest commentators helped, too!"

Reporter: "Congrats, Av. I'll see you out there, I guess..."

Avril: "I'm going now! Can't wait to show these to Cassie!"

Rufus: "One down, two to go..."

Reporter: "Let me see if I can hurry them along."

The reporter walks back to the office, hears voices, and takes his familiar seat.

Decker: "I'M the best lightweight you have, Wiz. The best IN the ring and the hottest OUT of it!"

Man In The Hat: "And I say AGAIN, Brooke, all SIX of my lightweights were sitting next to me on the dais!"

Decker: "And Anna and...HER...they were sitting RIGHT next to you! And SHE is the one you pointed at and did the damn foam finger impression for before her fight!"

Man In The Hat: "And, again, Swanny was the one fightin' flippin' McCarthy's hand-picked kid! Look, Brooke, how many of my lightweights didn't fight last night but were STILL at the press conference? Answer: YOU! Why do you think that IS? Let me answer it for you. Because you are a HUGE part of the future of Front Street and I wanted everyone, including YOU, to know that. OK?"

Decker: "OK. But, I'm not going to sit behind her, Wiz. I'm NOT."

Man In The Hat: "Brookie, you ain't sittin', period. You know how many fight requests I get for you? Don't sweat this, kid. You're a star, and it don't matter what anyone else here does. That's not going to change. And, speaking of changing, hang around a few minutes and Rufe'll give you a ride to the party...where you can change into that yellow bikini..."

Decker: "You DO love me in that, don't you?"

Man In The Hat: "Kid, every heterosexual male on the flippin' PLANET loves you in that. Now send Smackeroo in, will ya!"

The reporter enters and says, "Not a bad problem to have. Too many good lightweights..."

Man In The Hat: "Not a bad one at all."

Reporter: "You never DID clarify your remark about who your number one light is..."

Man In The Hat: "Did I forget to do that?"

Reporter: "And my guess is, you're about to forget again..."

Man In The Hat: "Good guess."

Reporter: "Can you do me a favor at the party today at least?"

Man In The Hat: "Name it, Lubo."

Reporter: "Can you go along with me that PBR is an energy drink?"

Man In The Hat(laughing): "Sure. And I wouldn't be lyin'. PBR and Little Debbie's. The Breakfast of Freakin' Champions!"

Reporter: "Easy stomach. Don't turn over now..."