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4 August 2011 Carrie Prejean vs Brooke Shields

Page history last edited by Archer844 12 years, 5 months ago

Carrie Prejean 01.jpg Brooke Shields 1.jpg

CELEBRITY BOXING AFTER DARK

Posted by Sceej Boxing on 8/4/2011, 2:13 pm

(Results & Outline: Simguy; Writing by Sceej)

(a little appetizer before the main course? Assume its ok to post this one in advance of what promises to be a very full and fun PPV?)

O’Dell: “Jenny O’Dell here and I’m joined by the great Britney Spears, who’s sitting in for my usual partner in crime, Jenny McCarthy, because Miss McCarthy is … well … guess the picture speaks for itself! We’re here at the Paramount Theater atop famed Madison Square Garden for the main event of HBOs Boxing after dark … music’s up and “Brick House” starts pumping through the arena and here comes J-Mac leading new protégé, Carrie Prejean …. excuse me … Carrie “the Dream” Prejean to the ring … mixed boos and cheers … and there’s Jenny Mac … flipping bird to a heckler … Prejean in her signature white bikini … white calf boots … white tassles on the boots … man, she’s working the ‘wholesome’ angle … and Britney, can you believe it? She’s wearing the Miss California sash and tiara? Didn’t she get stripped of that title? Give me a break!”

Spears: “Looks to me like a girl in search of a gimmick, Jenny, but what she really needs is a win!”

O’Dell: “Could say the same of Big Brook Shields, Brit. Both are 0 for their last 7 fights but unless it comes back a Tractorpull special, someone’s breaking that skid tonight. How do you see this one, Brit?

Spears: “Well, Brooke’s spotting Carrie about twenty years and Carrie’s probably spotting Brooke close to twenty pounds … if I recall, Brooke was a full 150 at the weigh in but Jenny, it was a hard 150 … girl’s a full six feet tall … scary big! Time was Brooke was the terror of the big welters and ruled the middleweights for the short time that class was recognized.”

O’Dell: “And Prejean’s only won a single fight …. ever … and’s been knocked out every other time she stepped through the ropes. I think we are both leaning toward …. and right on cue … theme from the Adams Family comes up … Brooke going with the tie in with her current Broadway hit … and here she comes to the ring …. looking pretty menacing … black bikini … black boots … doing her best 'Morticia Adams ... Big Brooke Shields!”

Britney: “Brooke looking to be the intimidator .. she heads right to the perimeter of Prejean’s corner and trying to force eye contact. Veteran Sceej corner man Scrubby McGee whispering in Prejean’s ear … keeping her calm … and Brooke is getting an earful from our buddy J-Mac … Jenny and Brooke both with those menacing grins … exchanging some profanity laced ‘how do you do’s” … and now ref want’s Brooke back in her own corner …”

Round 1: Brooke out of corner, methodical, purposeful, gloves on either side of her chin. Carrie immediately on her toes and circling. When Brooke looks to close, Prejean pumps the jab … doubling up … flicking jab. Catches Shields in forehead and cheek occasionally. Brooke trying to negotiate range … occasional jab to the toned Prejean midriff. Carrie times the Shields jab and counters with right hand lead … bounces off Brooke’s temple and the big brunette does an exaggerated shimmy ... feigning hurt … big grin at Prejean and sneers “That all you got?” … bell for the end of the round.

O’Dell: “Round to Prejean … by default, I guess? What do you think, Brit?”

Spears: “Prejean is probably thinking ‘fight safe .. get this into the later rounds … and then watch the older girl wear down’ … thing is, Jenny, if you don’t make Brooke work, she’s not going to wear down. And every round you spend in there with her, there’s risk. The punch is the last thing to go and Brooke has always had one punch knockout power in both hands.”

Round 2: Prejean out of corner fast … but right back up on her toes … and circling again … Shields unhurried … right leg back … creep stepping forward with left leg … slight side to side motion …. dukes at her chin. Carrie able to pop jab to top of Brooke’s forehead but it’s like a bug bouncing off the windshield of an eighteen wheeler. Brooke again with range finder jabs to Carrie midriff. Mid round, Brooke looks to time the Prejean jab and fires hellacious straight right … Carrie bends back and slips the punch but badly spooked … dances back well out of range … groundswell of boos from the crowd …

Spears: “You know, Jenny … there’s boxing ... fine … but this is starting to look a lot like outright running?”

O’Dell: “Hard to win a fight backing up … and there’s no way to win a crowd like that!”

Brooke Shields works crowd … stops following Carrie … draws imaginary line with her toe and stands there … beckoning with her fists … crowd cheers … Prejean unsure of self … looks toward corner … Brooke ups the ante by lowering hands and thrusting out her chin … inviting Prejean to take shot … McCarthy on apron, bellowing for Prejean to fight ...

O’Dell: “… and here comes Carrie! Left hook catches Brooke to chin! Left-right combination to the midriff by Prejean …”

Spears: “… and Brooke responds with a big hook to the liver … Prejean backing off … stricken … Carrie visibly sagging to right … Shields stalking and Prejean flicking jab … and there’s the bell … end of the round! Got to give the round to Carrie … busier …. scored with that jab but … that was one hellacious shot by Brooke Shields at the end of the round!”

O’Dell (chuckling): “… and J-Mac is trying some sales job! Screaming to the ref about a low blow … and now in the corner … trying to sell Carrie that Brooke is tired!”

Round 3: One minute just not enough time to recover. Prejean out of corner flatfooted … sagging slightly to the side like a second hand couch … right elbow tucked to cover that aching flank. For first time in fight, Brooke off stool energized and showcases her left jab – contrast dramatic! This ain’t the flicking Prejean jab … Foreman-esque Shields jab drills Prejean … head … shoulders … doesn’t matter where it hits … jab drives Carrie back and shakes her. Carrie with no legs … has to stand ground … swats Brooke left hook to temple … and again …

O’Dell: “Carrie emboldened that hook is landing … trading with … BLONDE GIRL DOWN … BLONDE GIRL DOWN … BLONDE GIRL DOWN …”

Spears: “Classic veteran move! Get the kid reckless and then … BOOM! Look at the replay ... see Brooke twist into that short right uppercut? And there go Carrie’s legs …”

O’Dell: “Prejean sitting midring … eyes wide with disbelief … McCarthy screaming for her to get up! Shields sauntering to corner … right hand leading cheers like a band leader … counts at seven … eight … Carrie up at nine … ref asks if she can continue … no answer … asks again … little nod from Prejean …”

Spears: “And here comes Big Brooke Shields! All grins and bad intentions! Prejean looking to backpedal but legs not there. Brooke extends hands to Carrie’s shoulders and walks her back to ropes … Carrie needs to spin … she needs to hook and spin out of there! Buy some time!”

O’Dell: “Brooke is taking Miss California to school now, Brit! Anatomy class! Kill the body and the head dies by itself! Brooke taking time … loading up left and hooking to Prejean’s ribs … pushing her back with crooked forearm and then bashing right to the body …”

Spears: “Shove n’ Slug 101 by Professor Shields, Jenny! She’s rattling Carrie even when she just pounds the forearms!”

O’Dell: “Prejean looks to clinch and push out but too much prime Brooke beef! Brooke gives up one step back then slings Carrie back into ropes ragdoll! And look at the hand speed from a big girl! Left right left combination to the ribs … left uppercut to sternum … Prejean sagging forward … looks ready to go … and Brooke reaches under arms and supports Carrie?”

Spears: “Somethings going on here, Jenny! Brooke just winked at someone ringside! I think she’s carrying Carrie …”

O’Dell: “ … ‘Carrying Carrie’? … way to turn a phrase, Brit! Brooke content to maul and wrestle … about a minute left in round … no offense from Prejean … Brooke thumps left right to midriff … ref looks in hard and Brooke stops punching … again up under her girl … supporting her … occasional thudding shot into Carrie’s guard … Carrie sagging forward .. butt in ropes …”

Spears: “… and right at the bell Brooke twists into gorgeous left uppercut that lifts Prejean damn near out of her boots! McCarthy and McGee into ring … Prejean needs help finding her corner … Shields nodding to ringsiders.”

Attempt to get mic into Prejean corner … frantic activity … McCarthy bellowing “… I don’t give a f*ck! She’s punched out … now get out there and … hey, get that f*cking microphone out of here!!!”

Round 4: Rickety Prejean helped off stool by Jenny Mac … ‘encouraged’ out with slight shove to the back … ‘She’s tired … she’s dead tired!’ - Jenny trying to rally Carrie … ignoring fact that Shields declined stool last round … standing in corner all menacing grin … Prejean looking to move but legs not there. Carrie flicks that tentative ‘don’t hurt me jab’ and circles on shot legs … Brooke stalking …

Britney: “Watched this same scene last night on National Geographic … lioness v gazelle … and it did NOT end well for the gazelle!”

O’Dell: “Brooke stalking … feints with the left … Prejean flinches … feints left again … now its Brooke boloing the right hand … Prejean transfixed … then straight right hand lead to the jaw and Carrie goes down!”

Spears: “Prejean on all fours … looking at ref ... looking at corner … Jenny Mac screaming for her to get up … counts at six … Prejean to one knee … seven … eight … nine … ten … Carrie up but it is over! Winner by knockout in the fourth round … Big Brooke Shields!”

O’Dell: “Prejean protesting to ref that she was up but I got to tell you, Brit, I don’t think she wanted anymore of this …”

Spears: “Agreed, Jenny … I’m not one to call ‘punk’ lightly but looks to me like Carrie didn’t want any more Brooke Shields in her life.”

Postfight: Scrubby cutting gloves off Carrie Prejean … trying to be encouraging … “Tough night, kid … you’ll get her next time ..” … Jenny McCarthy silent … tight lipped … occasional glare at ‘protégé’ … tension disturbed when Brooke Shields arrives in corner … freshly de-gloved and glowing …

Shields: “Mind if I borrow ‘Malibu Barbie’ for a second?” (taking firm hold of Carrie’s wrist)

Outraged Prejean snaps “Get your hands off me you … owwww” as big brunette twists Carrie’s arm behind back into hammerlock and helps self to a handful of blond hair. To mostly cheers, Shields takes Carrie for a scalding walk of shame …pausing her at various points to display her to satisfied ringsiders (unconfirmed rumors that a bounty was staked by New York theatrical community) … McCarthy looking daggers … unclear if target is Brooke, Carrie or both! On return to corner, Brooke deftly helps self to the ‘Miss California” sash … another trophy for her collection!