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28 August 2011 Shiri Appleby vs Jamie Lynn Spears

Page history last edited by Archer844 12 years, 4 months ago

Shiri Appleby 02.jpg Jamie Lynn Spears.jpg

"HOT AUGUST NIGHT AT THE ASYLUM"

Site: The Asylum Arena North London, UK)

Posted by Results By Sim/Words By Wiz on 8/28/2011, 1:15 am

BEFORE:

"You know, it's all about Jamie Lynn Spears, isn't it?" says Shiri, eyes smouldering. "Is she a prospect or not? Is she under too much pressure? Are her freaking SHOES too tight? And what I want to know is, why does anyone care? Because her SISTER is famous? Is Khloe Kardashian going to get a contract next? And here I am, a REAL actress with three dozen film and TV credits, an actress Weezer SINGS about, and I'm fighting in shopping malls! It's ridiculous! I don't have anything against Jamie Lynn personally, but I hate how pseudo-celebrities like her take opportunities away from REAL celebrities like me. So, I'm going to kick her a** tonight and prove which one of us should be getting FCBA fights."

"I'm not going to trash talk with Shiri," says a smiling Jamie Lynn. "Maybe she's right. Maybe she DOES deserve more fights. But I can't worry about that. Wiz says I'm supposed to do my best and have fun, and that's what I'm going to do. Of course, what's fun for me probably isn't going to be fun for Shiri..."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Back at ringside and we're moving to the flyweights now and...well. Wiz was serious about no pressure for Jamie Lynn. That's 'Follow Me', and the younger Spears is coming down first. Being led by her Hall of Famer sister. Who is not sparing a glance for one Jenny McCarthy."

McCarthy: "I don't know what she's ticked at ME about..."

Tess: "Just spitballing here, but it could be you trashing her sister and calling her friend Nicole a 'Dancing Hooker'..."

McCarthy: "I NEVER trashed...SHUT UP, WALMART!"

O'Dell: "Jamie Lynn into the ring, takes off the pink robe with 'Princess' across the back to reveal a pink bikini. And, would you look at THAT. A high five from Jewel to Britney, and Jewel's heading back to the locker room. Looks like big sis is going to run Jamie Lynn's corner..."

McCarthy: "Well, that's ONE way to get the Weirdo to stop blaming the corner person if the kid loses..."

O'Dell: "And that's 'Tripping Down The Freeway' by Weezer, and here comes the girl they mention in the song, Shiri Appleby!"

McCarthy: "HEY, APPLEBY, WHERE'S NORDSTROM'S???"

O'Dell: "Aaaaaand, J-Mac gets her first Italian salute of the evening. Anyone in the truck have Pam Anderson's number? Or Al DeRogatis'?"

McCarthy: "I don't know who Al DeRogaine is, but Anderson's number is 1-800-HAS-BEEN..."

O'Dell: "Mine is going to be 1-800- TEQUILA. In other news, Appleby drops the robe to reveal a cobalt blue bikini. The ladies get the instructions and head back to their corners. Mac, what's your take on the fight?"

McCarthy: "Spears has to be the favorite. I mean, she DOES have quality wins over Song and Spearritt. Appleby has wins over...well. NO ONE. But she got a great deal on sling back pumps at Macy's..."

O'Dell: "Is Beasley Reece in the building? Can some one get him on the line? He lives right here in Philly...too late, there's the bell and we're underway. Spears moving forward, snapping out her left jab. Appleby looking to stick and move. Misses a left. Misses a right. Not locating Jamie Lynn. Spears moving the head and the hands. No target there."

McCarthy: "Maybe they taught the kid something since the Simpson fight. Had to be Britney. Nobody else over there knows a thing..."

Tess: "Might have been Allison Mack. SHE knows enough to knock YOU into next week..."

McCarthy: "LISTEN, WALMART..."

O'Dell: "OH! BIG RIGHT HAND JAMIE LYNN. APPLEBY'S HURT!"

McCarthy: "Counter punch. Shiri missed a right. She overextended on it and Jamie Lynn made her pay!"

O'Dell: "Spears all over Appleby! Letting the hands fly. Shiri covering up, ducking and blocking most of it. Jamie Lynn landing a left to the head right there, but Shiri ducks a right and skitters away, still shaken. Jamie Lynn chasing. Firing everything in the arsenal, but a little wild. Appleby dodging and ducking most of it."

McCarthy: "Jamie Lynn really wants to finish, but she's too excited, too wild. Needs to settle down and let it come."

O'Dell: "Spears lands a left, Appleby ducks a right that would have knocked her into Jersey. Shiri clinching, wrapping around Jamie Lynn's neck. Spears shoves free. Misses high with another whistling right hand. There's the bell. Jamie Lynn's round, but Shiri survives."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Round two getting started, and Jamie Lynn coming forward again, but Shiri getting off first here. Just grazing Spears with a couple of lefts. Still not locating. Jamie Lynn not very busy moving, but not punching much..."

McCarthy: "She's a little winded, I think. Used a lot of energy chasing that last round, throwing a lot of wild punches trying to finish."

O'Dell: "Shiri slips inside, digs a couple of hooks to the body. Ties up. Holding the neck, and whacking the flank with her free hand. Spears shoves free. Shiri cuffs with a left to the side of the head. Jamie Lynn ducks the follow up right, shoves Appleby back. Shiri circles right, avoiding a couple of jabs from the younger girl, pounces with two more hooks to the body, bangs a right to the thigh there. Grabbing around the neck, pulling Jamie Lynn's head down, another shot to the thigh. Those are low. Referee needs to warn her. Back of the head on that one. Jamie Lynn shoves Shiri away again, but Appleby dodges a couple of jabs and is right back inside, bangs the belly, hooks some rack right there. That's the bell and that one was all Appleby..."

McCarthy: "And she got a glare from Jamie Lynn. Spears not happy about some of those punches."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "Britney was in Jamie Lynn's ear the entire time between rounds..."

McCarthy: "Guarantee you it was about dealing with that cheap stuff Appleby was doing. If you can't deal with it, you'll get a steady diet of it from everybody you get in there with..."

O'Dell: "Round three underway and Jamie Lynn using that left jab again. Shiri looking to counter, get back inside where she was so effective last round. Appleby short with a left, misses a right...DOWN SHE GOES! DOWN GOES SHIRI!"

McCarthy: "Right hand counter, just like in the first! Blew Appleby right to her back!"

O'Dell: "Count is seven. Appleby not moving. Eight, nine...IT'S OVER! The winner by KO3, Jamie Lynn Spears!"

McCarthy: "Well, that's ONE way to deal with it..."

O'Dell: "Wow! That right there is one-punch power, Mac! Reminds me of another girl named 'Spears'..."

McCarthy: "Let's check the replay and watch this happen. Here's Shiri trying to work inside. Misses a left just short. Here comes the follow up right. Jamie Lynn bobs the head away and Appleby overextends. And Jamie Lynn bangs a perfect right home just over Shiri's left glove. It was over as soon as that right hand left the holster."

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"

Tess: "I'm here with our winner, Jamie Lynn Spears. Britney had a lot to say to you between the second and third rounds..."

Jamie Lynn: "Actually, it was the same thing over and over again. 'Handle it.' She She wanted me to do something about those low blows and the rabbit punch. She didn't say what, but I figured she meant the same thing she did to Christina."

Tess: "Is Jamie Lynn Spears back?"

Jamie Lynn: "I don't worry about any of that. I'm just doing my best and having fun, like Wiz says. And tonight was a LOT of fun.