Posted by Simguy on 8/10/2007, 7:11 am.

Before: Lessons in Fight Promotion 101—first prefight conference for these two drawing only a smattering of press: one tank-top tugging, hair-pulling row later and the NEXT press conference draws like a main event. Girls are young, hot, tempestuous—rather than talk trash trash, they dish it up straight—threatening to upstage higher profile fights on the card with tawdry conference brawls. Once people are listening—Danneel delivers outrageous sound bytes like “The whole reason Kaley Cuoco moved up was because she heard my foosteps. She knew it was only a matter of time before I broke in, and she didn’t want to be KO bait.” Or even better: “Jaime Pressly? Aging hack. She’s a sham fighter and I would totally expose her in a boxing match, Jennifer Connelly? Please. Check out my abs: next name.” On and on, Britney, Dani, whomever, Danneel tossing out one name after another once her mic is on.

Ellison in black, scoop-top bikini with white polkadots, skirted bottoms—with red gauzy fringe; white gloves; white boxing shoes, (no socks). Danneel in orange sport top with thin straps; black stretch shorts; black gloves; black shoes (no socks). Ring instructions—Jennifer pushes a mitt into Danneel’s chest and the girls are shoving and carrying on even before opening bell.

During R1: Jennifer stalking flat footed—slightly pigeon-toed, scowling, hands at chest—right away Danneel looks more professional, more physically dynamic. Harris light on her feet—legs springy and taut—she steps to her right/pivots to her left—flashing out a stiff, ringing jab to Ellison’s face. Jenny just facing into poke—no head movement for blonde; when she answers back, it’s with a slapping, don’t-hurt-me left—easily evaded by Danneel. Harris getting comfy with her distance and timing over the first minute-second minute sees her stoop and shoot jabs tart to blonde midsection or big blonde party jugs—pivoting around the stick—still keeping Jen off the score board. Every scoring blow brings small smile of satisfaction to Danneel’s lips: she’s loving it on Jen early. Down the stretch—Danneel places quick, crisp straight right hands onto Jenny’s mouth—startling the blonde, shaking her up at the bell. Danneel tossing her luxurious red mane en route to her corner, beaming with the shutout first.

R2: Two-way action early as scowling Jennifer swishes away slappy rights and lefts to some effect—forcing Danneel to step back, time her response, Harris much straighter with her shots—jab clearly separating her from Ellison in terms of class—but blonde willful, spiteful in early going, coming forward and connecting with sheer I-hate-you exuberance. Harris bars the door late—pounding away on Jennifer’s face and rack that tart, stiff jab—Danneel  wheeling to her left, having fun knocking Jennifer’s head back at will.

R3: Similar stuff—Danneel’s feet and legs in control of the ring—she’s circling, darting in  and out, stepping away: everything happens when Danneel wants, not Jen. Ellison sulking—hands only chest high—face pinking up nicely under Danneel’s accurate poke. Blonde having some success answering with swishing lefts and rights after raking a punch in the face—enough to keep Harris honest. Danneel mixing it up well—the odd judicious right cross—even thrown as a surprising lead; jabs slanted into Ellison’s tummy or breasts while pivoting left; hooks off the jab, really bouncing hard off Jennifer’s face. Danneel crowing after good connects: “OH, that had to hurt!”/ “THAT’S gonna leave a mark!”; “Too slow, baby!”—on and on. Ellison wobbly butt at the bell—not from any one punch, but from the MANY she’s facing into.

R4: Ellison trying to be scrappy—but she’s outclassed: Danneel just too quick/decisive in her movement. Nice moment for Harris midway through: she’s darting lead rights in potshot fashion—forcing Jennifer to cover up earmuff and tilt forward. Danneel leans in close with her head; pivots-right 30 degrees around that left (front) plant leg and snaps a gorgeous, gouging hook off Jennifer’s tummy from the new angle. Really tuff, smarting lick—Danneel snatching at meat, bringing the fist back quick to her own chest—hard digging delivery hurts Jennifer badly enough that she can’t answer back immediately, has to stand there grimacing behind her mitts for a moment. Harris shouting “OH YEAH!” when she strokes that blow—face jubilant. Redhead lighting blonde up to the body and both vixens know it.

R5: First signs of collapse in Ellison: Danneel pushing the pace, obviously trying to hurt Jen and get her out of there. Harris’ jab scoring at will, dazing Jennifer—blonde ill-prepared for either the right cross or left hook follow ups. Danneel gets Jen in trouble with flashy lead right hands: redhead suddenly scoring to chin, then doubling—even tripling up—the straight right, unhinging Ellison’s knees and sending her reeling. Jenny’s legs have been sound up till now; now they’re no longer holding the canvas—spilling gangly blonde all around the ring. Danneel heartless-eyes narrowed, Lips snarling as she gets after Jennifer: Ellison refusing to go down despite taking a pasting 10-8 regardless: Danneel’s battering Jennifer.

R6: Danneel all over Jennifer again. Combative blonde no longer competitive—she’s cowering at ropes—hand sup at her eyebrows, palms out, crying as Danneel pounds away, Harris excited about cleaning up—neglects the body: just a few well-chosen bodyshots would probably be enough to drop wilting blonde. Redhead slamming away up top—much of the work partially blocked, but it’s so one-sided and brutal that it’s ruining Jennifer regardless. Ellison bravely standing, absorbing a terrible shelling: Danneel chests up and shouts “POOR BABY!” in bruised blonde face at bell. That’s it for Jen—she quits on her stool in tears: TKO6 Danneel Harris.

After: Harris with a preening walk-about the ring—hands high, face haughty with I-told-you-so grins. Kid definitely has ring presence—acting as though she’s just busted up Charlize Theron. “It was easy,” Danneel crows in postfight, “I told you it would be easy—she’s a tramp. Whatever—Ellison was just a showcase—my coming out fight. It’s my time to shine—I’m hot, I’m fit, I’m fast, and I’ve got skillz—these girls just don’t have a clue when it comes to Danneel Harris. But they will!”

Reposted by Archer 8/11/09.