Originally posted by Simguy on 5/11/07, 6:49 am.

Before: One of boxing’s oldest rivalries hasn’t lost it’s edge - security called upon to break up frequent scuffles and pushing matches whenever McCarthy encroaches on Campbell airspace. Spectacle aside - pundits wonder how sharp Jenny can be: Neve’s been fairly active post-Samdog; Jenny’s been a ghost for the most part. “Beating Neve’s like riding a bike,” McCarthy assures media in prefight, “baby, you NEVER forget how. I’m a step to her and get work done - you know? I’m kickin’ it mansion style on Neve’s sagging ass: when she starts crying, that’s when the fight STARTS!” Campbell nonplussed - irritated, of course, but used to it. “I don’t miss Jenny’s mouth, that’s for damn sure,” Neve says at the podium. “We’ve always been oil and water - there’s always been something about Jenny that makes me want to beat on her in private, no time limit - you know? That said, look, I’ll be honest with you: I know Jenny’s training habits, and I know she’s not ready for this fight. She’s carrying a little extra hip I see, and her arms aren’t as toned as they could be - she just hasn’t been working as hard as I have in the last couple of years. I’ve grown, I’ve taken the next step up: Jenny’s practically back to beach proficiency. Jenny take it from me: beach ain’t good enough up here.” Neve in black push up, bright yellow bikini bottoms, short tousled hair freshly showered and spiky, yellow gloves. Jenny in a lavender bikini top, floral print bottoms (pinks, mauves, blues), white gloves. Girls during stare down, neither offering to touch’em up despite ref’s pleas for good sportsmanship.

During R1: Jenny offers low - Neve anticipates, turning her hips sharply right to take blows on her hip/thigh instead. Campbell crouching - very compact stance: elbows tight, dukes at temples - she’s leaning inside the arc of Jenny’s wide, brawling swings. McCarthy. Teeth bared, looping wild rights and lefts, arms wrapping around Neve’s shoulders: brunette neatly neutralizing blonde power with simple distance management. Campbell issuing stubby jabs - shocking Jenny on her face, backing her up - Neve soon has position on blonde against the ropes. Tidy-kind work downstairs - Neve erupting out of her shell with snatching rights and lefts - bouncing leather off meat and bringing the hands back quick to defensive position. Campbell showing respect for McCarthy’s power and unpredictability - Neve staying low, weaving her head as she getting off - never sitting right in front of Jenny. JMac frowning, dipping her left shoulder and trying a firm left uppercut - not connecting. Midway through, McCarthy  grimacing, mouth-breathing-she’s absorbed some tremendous licks downstairs - now she’s pushing Neve in her shoulders, trying to buy some breathing room. Jolting hook takes Jenny on her jaw, stunning her: she goes face-in-gloves, wilting to her right. Neve whips a pair of crunching right hands in behind Jenny’s left elbow - vicious, smashing hacks bending blonde chassis - McCarthy stumbles to her right, clatters to all fours, tears welling. Jenny reaching left hand to clutch at her lower back - Neve pushed back by ref and warned - but those were clean, devastating right hands.

R2: Jenny shying away: Neve in and on her foe, herding McCarthy ropeside via stubby jabs, weaving in front, HAMMERING that body. McCarthy shouting in pain, reaching to tie up: soft blonde curls framing her face, drooping to her chest, her lips parted in a shellshocked “O” as she pulls down on Neve’s head. Campbell won’t have it - working hard to Jenny’s breadbasket with thudding, chugging rights and lefts a-bumping those abs: Campbell’s buttocks push onto ropes as she sags forward. Neve erupting out of Jenny’s halfhearted clinch, gutting McCarthy a rising right to the sternum, then doubling it, packing the right in behind left elbow again: McCarthy sighing in pain, cringing, unable to answer. Quick-slap hook brushes Jenny’s cheek, startling her, then Neve DIGS the money hook downstairs to liver, jamming it in behind McCarthy’s right elbow: “UHHHHHH!” from Jenny Mac as she crumples forward with the shot.

Hard working Neve: lips tight, eyes hard - she reaches in under Jenny’s arms, stacking her upright - blonde head lolling from limp neck. Oh the bodywork, Neve Campbell: Neve keeping her forehead under Jenny’s chin, shoulders rotating, punches short n’ muscular - just snapping, snatching at quivering blonde tummy and rib meat. Poor Jenny! McCarthy reaching in weak behind Neve’s elbows, trying to tie up - Campbell pushing and slugging her way free, staying on torso. JUG! Neve straightening up, chugging away to Jenny’s bulging rack - lusty, rising rights and lefts bunch up the meat as crowd goes into frenzy. Jenny slumps into ropes, head lolling back, throat bared, arms down - JENNY’S QUITTING! McCarthy sobbing - jugs completely on sale and getting pancaked - Neve humming on all cylinders, just helping herself and THE REF JUMPS IN! TKO2 in thudding fashion, Neve Campbell.

After: Jenny cradled to safety a sobbing, shattered wreck - she’s simply butchered by a razor sharp Neve Campbell tonight. “What the hell do I have to do to get a Britney Spears, or an Evangeline Lilly, or a Jessica Alba, or a Scarlett Johansson, or a Rachel McAdams in the ring?” Neve bleats in postfight - still pulsing with KO juice. “Where the hell is the Neve Cambell superfight, huh? How many blondes do I need to flatten - FLATTEN - before I start getting included in big-money talks? You saw what I did to Jenny McCarthy tonight - you saw it: I’m special, ok? I’m next level elite - I’m top of the food chain, and I don’t know how else to prove it. I’m going to say it: the whole bantamweight division has the Neve Campbell flu, and they’re calling in sick. It’s pathetic!”