Welterweight Champ Theron vs. Lightweight Champ Hurley (Non-Title) by simguy 6-14-03

Before: Egos running rampant as movie stars and world-class beauties collide to decide in many people's minds the best all-round talent in the game today. KruZherS trotting out previous victories over Hurley as proof positive of the inevitable outcome, and then there's the "KruZher Kurse" - a formidable obstacle for any Technetium fighter to overcome.

"If Liz couldn't cope with Cameron's legs," questions Charlize in prefight, "what's she gonna do with mine? Diaz already wrote the script - I'm going to execute it to perfection."

Liz dismissing all the arguments against her with a disdainful flick of her wrist. "First of all - Charlize, as Cat Bell before her, fought and beat the emaciated 118 pound Liz Hurley - not the full bodied Goddess you see before you today. As for Charlize' over-rated legs - my renewed commitment to body punching will more than answer for them. On her best day, Charlize couldn't move with Halle Berry - and I think we all know what my rib-work did to THAT girl."

Union Jack bikini Liz, matching gloves - Cream bikini, white gloves Charlize.

Refusal to touch gloves causes delays - both beauties remain adamant until the ref gives up trying.

Rd 1: Liz taking it to Charlize' midriff in systematic fashion, circling right, edging forward to carry the left hand thick to the midsection, swivel-pivoting off the blonde as Charlize leans forward to accept the deposit. Hurley stepping in and out, attacking from all four corners, landing heavy single shots square to the gut, drawing grunts from the blonde as Theron turns on the spot, hands at her cheeks, giving away tummy. End of the first minute - Liz stuffs another shocking left to the gut, gets Theron's hands to twinge lower - Hurley dips left to pull a banging right hook across Theron's cramped face. CHARLIZE GOES DOWN! Theron stiff, disappointed, shook up on her backside - she gets achy to her feet for a woozy 8. ON COMES LIZ! Hurley with the left hand at her chest, right hand low at her side - she strides on into Charlize, burying the left hand rigid between the breasts, then lashing the right up and against Charlize' golden flank. Theron covering up, bending forward - Liz just putting a loose limbed lather on the welterweight champ, licking up underneath, slashing free across the back. Midway through, Girls trade left hands POP on the jaw and HURLEY'S ON SPAGHETTI LEGS! Liz reaching out to the clinch - Theron with a galloping burst of lefts and rights against the torso beats the Brit back. Hounding pursuit from Theron as she slings a long overhand right, steps into a sweeping left cross as she walks forward - Hurley cratering, clattering backward - she hits the far ropes, elbows in, gloves up. THERON HEAPS IT ON! Charlize gritting her teeth, SHAKING Liz in the waist with thick left/rights, getting in behind those elbows, crippling the brit. Bruising, blonde-on-brunette beat down at the ropes - Theron storming off the canvas to heap it back on her foe to the bell. Ref bodies Charlize off - Liz swooning, tremble-bodied - scored 10-9 only for Liz as Theron proves a heroine off the mat.

Rd 2: Liz out boxing, flat-footed, right foot outside of Charlize' left, just rotating to the right, turning the blonde midring. Hurley with both hands up, palms out, feinting with her head - lots of little techniques to keep Theron flinching. Hurley dropping the jab down in a pawing motion, then flicking it backhand, quick from chest height, sometimes stepping it in strong to Charlize mouth - Theron having a tough time making her reads. Charlize turning, playing Hurley's game, hooking her in the right shoulder and trying to get the straight right up the middle. Down the stretch - Hurley's quick right hook counters over Theron's left jab, nipping blonde behind the ear and Theron staggers forward off balance. Liz stepping with, lapping at Charlize waist the biting right hook, then leaning into a straight left poke to the chin that drapes Theron dramatically back against the ropes. Theron groggy, raising her mitts to her temples to ride it out - Hurley steps-to and bites down into the flanks and midsection of her girl. Lashing, long armed strokes, buckling Theron, numbing her, ROASTING HER JUGS as she sags at the ropes. Bell sounds - Liz helps herself to a late clouting right across the mouth - prompting outrage from the KruZher corner.

Rd 3: Liz in control - pestering Theron with righty jabs, numerous looks, fading back easy from Theron aggression, anticipating it, countering it with snapping check right hooks. Hurley constantly fitting her left hand thick to Theron's midsection and blonde doesn't like it: Charlize folding forward behind her gloves, taking loud, thumping bricks to her belly. All Hurley as she gets her pace and range, circling casually, whittling Theron down and CHARLIZE LANDS A SNEAKY LEAD RIGHT ON THE MOUTH! Punch greasy-quick off the shoulder, catches Liz flush and puts a jolt in tanned British legs - Hurley wrapping up and hanging on for dear life as Charlize struggles to free herself at the bell. Theron steals the round with choosy power shots - straight right hands are a key punch for her against Liz.

R4: Charlize eyes bright, jabbing at Liz lead shoulder, making the Brit commit defensively, then trying to spot that right hand. End of the first minute it happens - Charlize able to step left off her jab, drop the right hand onto Liz' right cheek - Hurley put wobbly butt as she falls in to clinch. Ref breaks 'em up - Theron stomps forward, looping the right slightly wide to thump Liz in the breasts, chopping down with the hook, backing her girl to the ropes. Liz sets up in good order, pointing the right shoulder at Theron, left at her chin, right hand low. Theron swatting and chopping - Liz bending at the waist, leaning back into the ropes, leaning forward to nudge Theron in the hips - masterful stuff to survive at the ropes. Charlize takes the round but can't catch Hurley flush - gets a reminder from Jones, "Touch this bitch in the body - don't be a head-hunter in there."

Rd 5: Shutout Liz Hurley - classy stuff from the lightweight champ. Feet: Liz' right foot outside Charlize' left. Movement: slow rotation to the right, Liz turning Charlize. Liz worrying at Charlize with right hands: the pawing, distracting jab, the quick flicking jab, the stinger knocking Theron's face back; right hooks licking under Charlize elbow, sometimes thumping off blonde ribs to double up on the ear, Liz pivoting to the right around it. Punctuating it all - that heavy, supple left in the gut - Charlize taking it sullenly, hands up at her cheeks, face all tight with hurt - Liz carrying the punches into her girl's body, eyes alight with hard-working satisfaction.

Rd 6: Liz working Charlize over, patiently, methodically, skillfully. Theron's face a constipated mask of hurt - body punches really taking it out of her, putting concrete in her legs. Hurley nice and loose as she steps-to, thumps heavy right/lefts off her girl's ribs or waist, then swivels to the right to reload. Hurley occasionally turning the right uppercut on the inside, picking Theron's head up nice, then punching her square in the tits with that slinging come-back left. Desultory punching from Charlize - she's not shutout, but she's pushing leather, labouring in there. During the break - Janet slaps Charlize' face, puts her hands on Charlize' ribs and shouts, "You're not hurt! You're bodies too strong for her! You get on her and SCRUB goddamn it!"

Rd 7: Charlize with a good first minute, but Liz so cute, so adept at turning, rolling with the punches, everything's glancing off her shoulders or getting picked off by her parrying hands. Liz lures an aggressive Charlize to the ropes, lays over on her left side to slip punches then slings back a vicious left counter, catching ALL of Charlize' chin! Theron stomping back on her heels, then babystepping forward, buttocks glum in cream trunks as she finally stoops forward hurt and Liz takes over. Liz off her front foot - REEFING right hooks against Charlize left flank - loud, supple power, shaking the blonde - Charlize staggering woozy to her right in a little semi-circle around the Brit. Hurley turns over the right uppercut off the body, lifting Charlize' face up woozy from gloves, then digs to the solar plexus that awful, flat left hand. Theron wobbly to the ropes, now reaching for Liz, trying to tie her up. Ref issuing breaks, pushing sweaty, hungry Liz off her foe - Hurley wading back in, lashing at Charlize' struggling waist, getting supple on the inside with rising lefts and rights to the jugs. Charlize open-mouthed, broken down at the bell - Hurley chests up and lets her hear all about it as the ref gets involved.

Rd 8: Liz DIGGING at Charlize with those gutting, Halle-hurting right hooks, up under the left breast, gouging into the ribs - Hurley bending supple into the punches for maximum leverage. Theron shouting in pain, giving ground, but she drops a well-timed right to catch Liz coming in. Hurley doubleclutching, suddenly hurt and Charlize goes to HER body, dropping her head to pump lefts and rights in a Sharon Stone Gallop to Liz' belly. Hurley giving ground with a groan, slumping to the ropes - she rides a limp left hand up around Charlize shoulders, trying to smother her - Theron eyes closed, just slugging through the sweat, shoving leather into the offending hip, ribs and tummy of her foe. Scrounging, hardhearted stuff scrubs Liz raw along the ropes, leaves her shabby - Theron getting a hearty slap on the ass in her corner from Jones who has wanted that all night long.

Rd 9: Liz working that gentle wheel-to-the right, plying Charlize under the elbows with that nasty right hook - but Theron's not having it. Charlize coming forward, punching straight rights to Liz' chest, then knocking back her head with them - Hurley rubbery legged, open-mouthed to the ropes. Charlize wearing on Liz, scoring stubborn straight rights from her chest - Hurley riding either arm around Charlize shoulders, just trying to bog the action down. Mean-spirited trench warfare down the stretch, girls grinding away head to head, Liz trying to turn her body, slip a punch, then cram away receipts to Charlize breadbasket as Theron works for late points.

Rd 10: Liz fades to the ropes, luring Charlize in, then touching her up with a brilliant series of supple counters-off-the slip. Charlize backs off, cheeks and jawline smarting from Liz' clever hands, blonde successful in luring Liz forward, making her initiate and Theron manages to time Liz for some stern straight right hands. Down the stretch - who wants it more? Not a lot of contact as girls feint and maneuver midring, but Liz has Charlize flat footed, taking that nagging right hook in the side and coming back with tired frowns rather than punches at the bell. Comes back UD10: LIZ HURLEY!

After: Demoralized Charlize all puffy, beat up in her body, shoulders slumping slightly at the announcement - Hurley raising her hands and crowing - her brilliant year just got a little bit brighter as Theron succumbs to Pax Brittania. Liz getting to Theron early, putting her down, roasting the body - it's classic Charlize-beating strategy executed to a T. Tech suits whooping it up as Liz struts to a beaten Charlize and treats her to a haughty royal rebuke - dressing the blonde down with a verbal tirade as ringcard girls on the floor nearby clap and cheer. Obviously, Theron's recent bullying of these hard working, anonymous beauties doesn't sit too well with the rank and file.