Charlize Theron vs. Cameron Diaz (V) UNIFIED LIGHTWEIGHT TITLE by simguy 8/17/02

Theron addresses the press. On Garner: "There are a lot of pigs at the trough - Jenny's one of them. My advice to her is this: be patient. I know the clock is ticking on that thirty something bod of yours, but believe me, when I get to you, you're going to wish you hadn't drawn attention to yourself."

On the Hurley/Diaz controversy: "It's easy to take Liz for granted - Cameron stumbled, no question about it. But there's no more beautiful sight in this sport than me beating Diaz weak-kneed at the ropes - I'm taking her first for the fans. I'm not ducking anybody, it's just they'll only let me fight one girl at a time!"

Diaz hurling bolts of her own. "Theron's poor man's Cameron Diaz act is coming to an end big time. What's she going to say when I stretch her out again? What excuse is she going to use this time? Answer? Nothing. Charlize is going to have to admit some harsh truths to herself about the two of us when this is over."

Charlize in black bikini, shoulder length straight locks, Diaz in messy blonde tousle, gold spangly Charlie's Angels bikini.

Round 1: Tough talking Cam Diaz showboating, making it look classy and slick, but she's running. Theron business like, stepping off the ring, putting her jab on Cameron, thrusting in straight right hands to the body. Diaz refusing to mix it up, coughs up a shutout by default as Theron smirks in disdain at the bell.

Round 2: Cam still leggy, flicking out the jab from her hip, trying to twist into an Ali-esque right hand. Theron strong on her girl - thumping jabs to the chest, straight right hands to the sternum, thrilling hooks up top - Diaz just barely bending back to make punches graze. Cam cute at the ropes, shoe-shining and spinning off to avoid the shutout - but Theron the boss through two.

Round 3: Charlize pressing the action, stepping over to cut off the ring, slowly tightening that noose. Cameron with her left hand at her hip, backhanding jabs, right hand at her cheek, chopping down at Theron's chin. Cam gets nice spank of Theron's left cheek bone, but Charlize walking through it, getting lanky on the body with both mitts. Elbows in, short, clubbing arcs wide to the ribs - Theron's cudgeling Diaz groggy at the bell.

Round 4: Theron advancing, stepping in harsh with the jab, now banging back Diaz' head as Cam reacts a split second late. Charlize' right hand SLAMMING into the stomach and ribs - straight, shearing blows that have Diaz grimacing, buckling to the ropes. Cam flat footed now, achy, stiff, draws her elbows in, backs to the ropes, has some luck with pesky counters as she strokes Charlize' jaw the hook. Down the stretch, Theron just ignoring whatever's coming back - setting down, pitching it in. Diaz hobbled at the waist as Theron digs in. Girls trade galloping licks up into the midsection as they hunch forward - Diaz sags back into the ropes hurt! Girls trade chopping rights on the chin and DIAZ GOES LIMP! Theron pouncing, putting punches together - Cameron helpless as her face is battered by heartless lefts and rights and THE REF STEPS IN! It's OVER! KO4 Charlize Theron in spectacular fashion!

After: Diaz ALL jazzed up - what a beating. Theron doing a nice Cat Bell imitation, taking away Diaz' speed, taking away her legs, taking away her heart and finishing her with thunderclap punching. Charlize taking Diaz on not just a walk of shame but a CONQUEROR'S walk of shame - Diaz sobbing, dazed as she's pulled around the ring on display - quite possibly the most humiliating night of her life. BLONDE! magazine proclaims "The Goddess is Back!" - cover depicts Charlize turning away from a broken Diaz, ref moving in - Theron's face the picture of smug triumph.