Charlize Theron vs. Rachel Nichols by simguy 3-17-07

Fight polarizing the FCBA, with Rachel receiving telegrams and letters from fellow igenues and TV stars, while CT receives unusual support from her A list peers encouraging her to put her foot down.

"Nobody thought Terry Farrel would beat Charlize when they tangled," Nichols says at the podium. "Terry knocked her out. Nobody thought Cat Bell had a chance to beat Charlize: now, nobody thinks Charlize can beat Cat. Being an underdog is just a label - it's just a state of mind. I know in my heart that I'm every bit the woman Charlize is and I'll prove it to her. I'm not here to scrape out a round or two: I'm here to put Theron on her back!"

Charlize smug at the mic, shaking her head and grinning: "Ingenues!" CT chuckles. "You gotta love 'em. Well guys, I wish I could tell you that I was breaking curfew and not doing my road work for this one - to build the suspense and all - but Kim's not having it. Rache - I feel for you babe: normally, I'd sleep on you, but Kim wants you beaten. I mean really put down, you know? Beaten so that you're never, ever the same afterwards, and that takes work on my part. So, they're making me get up at 5 freakin' AM for this fight. They're restricting my diet - I'm already on weight for God's sake. And I hate that, you understand what I'm saying? I hate having to get up at 5, and work my butt off, for some no-name little hag who thinks she's gonna get over on me. And that's all adding up to be a very long night for you, kid. Oh, and just in case there's any confusion at all here: you're no Cat Bell. Don't ever compare yourself to her again."

Charlize in white bikini over top a white fishnet body-stocking covering her ankle to wrist (cutting gently into golden brown tanned flesh); white gloves; long blonde battle braid. Rachel in slick puncher's ponytail; neon pink bikini over neon baby blue fishnet body stocking; pink gloves. Ring instructions: when ref's done - CT bends in, laying an impulsive kiss on Rachel's cheek; Nichols stoic, eyes blazing, trying not to react.

Round 1: CT out VERY loose - right hand at her chest, left at her side - wide, sliding stance as she dips torso to either side, chin tucked. Rache scowling, face tense, dukes up - she pings a jab series (missing) but cracks Theron a glancing right hand to chin as Theron's backing up. Charlize easy to ropes, slipping underneath Rachel's plowing mop up attempt, gathering the girl up around her hips and turning her into ropes: Theron smothering Nichols on the cables for a ref's break. Back to midring - CT creep-stepping all lanky and smooth - nothing protecting her head except sinuous torso moves as she looks to Rachel's body with lashing rights slung wide from the chest or clouting lefts up off her thigh. Nichols face-in-gloves as she tilts into shellack: Rachel grunting in pain, shuddering as her body gives out dull, thumping noises - like CT's belting her with wet sandbags. Theron nice and easy, stroking home limber-limbed licks, sliding to the right, gently turning Rachel midring while lavishing on the hurt. Sumptuous thumping has Nichols paralyzed, knees a-knocking by the bell. Big smile Charlize - she makes a gigantic overhand circle with her right arm as she passes by Rachel's right shoulder en route to KruZherZ Korner, clapping Nichols on her firm backside without looking.

Round 2: Rachel shaking off the body-shock, legs still a little queasy, but she comes out battlin'. Pinging jabs as CT bobs and weaves - Theron still keeping her hands ridiculously low as she slips punches/pivots around her left heel. Nichols disciplined - she's spraying jabs, missing, but stepping-with CT; persistence rewarded when a FIRM right hand swivels Theron's head, wrenching a gasp from the crowd. Charlize steps in a fence-post hole, visibly surprised - she goes to ropes, bends over face-in-gloves as Rachel wades in with shivering right/left shellack to that Oscar-winning waistline. CT frowning, pulls Rachel onto her chest for a cuddling ref's break - Rachel's nostrils flaring, eyes blazing as her blood is up. Middle minute sees a series of brazen Nichols rushes met with brutal, lashing body work from Theron - CT with her hands down at her sides - she's just striding in, dipping either shoulder, and stroking lavish whip-stroke to Rachel's flanks and tummy. CHUP! CHUP! CHUP! Nichols suffering, but stubbornly wading through this, trying for CT's chin as Theron shows a supple torso in moving her head. Final minute - Rachel's hurt in her body again, folded up face-in-gloves midring, looking very stiff: CT with carte blanche to strap away and step around, just hauling wide, slinging lariat-style leather into her foe's slender torso. Bell: tears standing in Rachel's eyes as she cringes to her corner. Theron? Sunny and mild.

Round 3: Rachel grimacing, frowning with body-throb: smallest of smiles on CT's lips as she struts to midring - right at her chest, left negligent at her thigh. Rachel pushing out one-twos - grimacing as she does so: hurts her to punch with her ribs all bruising up. CT fading back, rolling her torso-right, then countering with gorgeous, sloshing right hands underslung to Nichols' stomach CHUP! Big beefy whacks belting out from Rachel's body, bunching her up: CT smiling, sliding 'round the girl's left flank as Rachel's near doubled over. By round's end, Nichols is stumbling with hurt, face crimped in agony - CT just lifting thick lefts and rights up into Rache, sidestepping her, staying on her to the bell. CT passing by Rachel's left shoulder, claps her a healthy right hand on the backside, sending sullen ingenue wincing to her corner.

Round 4: CT at play - she knows she's got Rachel crippled: time to have some fun. Theron shying away, hands down, luring Rache to ropes: Nichols pushing out one-twos, missing as CT bends at the waist and slides out of range. CT pushing Nichols behind either elbow to turn her off balance, then slapping her rump - Charlize gently muscling Rachel around. CT always, always on that body - not hurried or rushed - just healthy strapping licks: CT with her hands at her sides, twisting on her hips, turning her shoulders to drag sweeping shellack into Rachel's tortured flanks and ribs. With Nichols hobbled, gasping, sobbing out behind her mitts - CT falls in to clinch, walking Rache to ropes and making her take weight for breaks. Theron kissing Rache hard little pecks on the cheek or forehead upon releasing her from clinches - Nichols sullen at the touch of her foe's arrogant lips. Bell: Rachel's shopworn, punished - grimacing and griping on her stool during the break.

Round 5: More Charlize having her way: poor Rachel can barely get off - her punches just pushing, prodding affairs. All the hurt flowing one way - from Charlize into Rachel's body - Theron conspicuously leaving her foe's pretty face untouched for the nonce. Grim reality is Rachel stooping rigidly forward face-in-gloves, getting lashed, then turned as CT lopes to either side in flat-footed puncher's stance. When Rache does punch - CT slips it, then pushes her chest onto Rachel's shoulder or chest - Theron just standing there all big, hands at her sides, daring Rachel to do something. Nichols hanging on when hurt - CT enjoying the body contact, walking Rache to ropes and leaning full atop her until ref's break. Poor Rachel! Cheeks flushed, expression bedraggled: CT's having her way and both girls know it. Bell: CT's slipped a punch, wriggled in behind Rachel and hugged her up around her belly. Theron's face happy, smiling, with her chin nestled into the join between Rachel's neck and her right shoulder. Nichols face anguished, lips curled back: she can feel CT's breasts hot at her back, CT's soft cheek warm against hers, and Rachel can't do a damn thing about it.

Round 6: Rache getting off - CT sliding out of range, bending low, giving angles - Theron all prowling footwork and pilates defence here as Rachel spends up the last of her money. CT sliding into positions, and when her hips are set - she'll lash a thick, whacking body shot home, drumming Rachel, drawing sympathetic groans from the audience. The BEEFINESS of these blows - just a huge, hollow, thumping coming out of Rachel as punches take her in the flanks or rip across her waistline. Nichols staggering forward face-in-gloves - CT just sidestepping and strapping home: systematic reduction of Nichols as grim as it is beautiful. Theron bright eyed - loving it: she'll hurt Rachel to the body, then lay in on her, using bodyweight to ease the girl around. CT just leaving scent on Rachel like a purring cat rubbing a pant leg here. Round ends with Nichols sobbing behind her mitts, elbows in tight to her body as she leans forward: CT has her arms round the girl's arms and body, holding her gently for a quick kiss on Rachel's left ear, followed by a right hand slap on the ass as CT's passing en route to corner. SMEK!

Round 7: More of the same - Charlize just lascivious with Rachel, hurting her because she can - Nichols trudging through it, unable to answer. Midway through, it's all too much: Nichols debilitated, shudders, sloooowly sinks to one knee as she hugs her battered ribcage. Nichols gasping, panting as Theron steps away BEAMING - camera zooms in on Charlize' perky breasts to reveal pert nipples standing to attention behind their cups. Rachel bravely beats the count - still terribly, terribly hurt in her body - Charlize steps-to and continues the lashing, but she's obviously being very careful not to stop Rachel outright here. Boos from the audience as Theron's heartless carrying of Nichols becomes overt: CT strutting back to her corner all smiles - hands out wide to either side, palms up.

Round 8: Sad shellacking of Rachel Nichols goes on and on and on: swyngeing attrition being dished out by Theron. CT operating at will here - hands at her sides - she's just leaning in close, hauling either hand up into Nichols ruined midsection or tortured flanks. Rachel's legs failing now - she's down in the first minute to all fours - down again in the second: each time a queasy, agonizing descent - Nichols' face pale and stricken. Rache gamely up, fighting off the numbness, but there's just too much Charlize: Theron back on the body, lavishing it with leather, spoiling it, romancing it - poor Rachel stumbling around, turning, taking body-whack whichever way she goes. It's all too much - CT slide-stepping around, whaling her girl senseless: Rachel goes to her knees a final time, sitting back on her haunches crippled, hugging her throbbing body and crying pathetically on the spot. CT struts, and why not? That's KO8 Charlize Theron.

After: Boos mingling with rapturous applause as fight splits the audience right down the middle: some appreciate Charlize' brutal mastery of Rachel - others are appalled. More boos and hysterical cheering as the Victoria Secret Body Saddle is brought into the ring - Krusher technicians busily helping Rachel up, strapping her in as the poor girl's blubbering and looking around all lost and helpless. A final cinching and buttoning and she's all saddled up: Rache squeezing out tears, leaning into the cushioned shoulder straps shudders as CT mounts up.

Theron crouching in Rachel's back - knees on special pads ramped upon either Nichols' hip - serene Charlize takes the reins of Rachel's blonde hair and steers her left, urging her forward at the trot. Poor Nichols stumbles forward - crying - legs trembling under the weighty majesty of Charlize - staggering bare foot gait makes it twice around the ring before Nichols pitches to all fours, ridden hard into canvas by CT. Theron dismounts, grinning, helping Rachel to her feet - more boos erupt as Catherine Zeta Jones, Angelina Jolie, Eva Mendes, Cameron Diaz, J-lo, Kate Beckinsale, and other A list celebs are allowed into the ring. EVERYBODY'S GETTING A RIDE! This is a travesty - what about the no-third-party rule? Mega stars flaunting their clout, making a mockery of the rules as Rachel is ridden repeatedly to ground. Hollywood's elite normally bitter rivals, temporarily unite to send a firm message to Hollywood Have-Nots: "This is what happens to uppity starlets who get too big for the their britches."

Finally, the poor lass can't go on - Rachel's on her side, sobbing for breath, legs trembling and twitching as her hands clutch at shoulder straps. All around Nichols, the greatest collection of Hollywood royalty since the Oscars mills about - everybody feeling good about themselves.