Charlize Theron vs. Catherine-Zeta Jones (IX) by simguy 12-18-04

Combatants putting the 'C' in FCBA - massive media throng as A list beauties square off. Theron resplendent, in terrific shape, sticking to the tough regimine she's set herself despite the doubts of many. "The only way Zeta Jones can beat a top lightweight is if you help her out a little," says a breezy CT. "Girls who don't train hard for Catherine get exposed, but I've done the road work, I've done the sit ups, I've got a winning fight plan - I don't see me stumbling here."

Jones with Ocean's 12 sassy shoulder length hair not the physical specimen her blonde foe is, but CZJ doesn't look concerned. "Charlize has always had gaps in her style, has always made glaring errors in the ring, but most girls aren't professional enough to take advantage. I will pick her apart the way I've always done - I'll expose her sloppiness, her arrogance and give her the beating she so richly deserves."

Theron in black Hanes bra and panties, CZJ in red bikini, hipster bottoms, twist tie halter top.

Rd 1: Masterful counterpunching from Jones - she's tight in the pocket, moving her head, scoring to Theron's ribs as Charlize misfires over the top. CT wincing, legging out to regroup - when she does CZJ steps-with and puts the jab on blonde, harassing Theron while she's trying to think. Hard body punching, clinical ring generalship post a shutout for Jones in the first.

Rd 2: Theron going to the jab, creating distance, putting on a gaudy show of leg this round. Jones not as adept at slipping CT's stick - blonde stabbing it in on face and chest, then pivoting away - Jones crossing her arms, bending and tilting at her waist, getting scuffed up. Charlize with a dangling left also taking the time to dig long hooks to Catherine's flank - pale bodied Brit doesn't like it one bit.

Rd 3: Jones makes a timing adjustment, scoring short, savage right hands over Theron's jab and CHARLIZE GOES WOBBLY BUTT! CT forlorn, stepping in fence post holes - Jones pounces with lefts and rights to the chin, bludgeoning Theron straight back to ropes. Charlize supple, hands in gloves, looking to slouch forward and slip under punches - Jones straightens blonde with a stabilizing left and LIGHTS HER UP A RIGHT UPPERCUT! Theron jerked straight back - mouthpiece launched into the stands - she's swaying hurt, staring woozy into abuse and ON COMES THE PUNCHING! Ram stamping jug muggage has Charlize' open mouthed, crisp lefts and rights pound away on gorgeous Theron face, crowd roaring as CT's leg stiffen, defence melts. JONES HAS GOT HER! Cathy feeling it - settles into a furious, but measured pace - hooking Theron hard to the body with shivering lefts, clanging away short to chin, bulling blonde upright with a brawny shoulder. Charlize drooping, taking, eyelashes fluttering - she's getting HAMMERED and not answering back. Down the stretch, arms humming - Zeta Jones screams at the ref to stop the fight - groggy Charlize automatically reacts with a pawing slap, brushing Jones' lips - does no damage but keeps the ref from pulling the trigger. Jones mops up huge - getting her head under Charlize' chin and digging to that body with choo-choo train jug mugging - busted up blonde trying to tie up limp around Jones' elbows.

Rd 4: Jones arm weary - not punching early as she waits to recover. Theron badly banged up, flat footed - trying to find Jones with a pawing jab then lean in with the right - she's falling forward, giving up her height and letting Catherine be safe on the inside. CZJ just slipping punches, easing in close with her shoulder, using extended left elbow nudges to manage Charlize around the ring. Final minute - Jones bends in with a clanging right to the chin to knock Charlize' knees together - blonde dukes at temples, leaning forward - Jones swats ear to move Theron over, then detonates a brutal hook behind the elbow to buckle long blonde legs. Theron sobbing aloud as she falls forward - Jones retreating in good order, helping herself to short arm uppercuts as she steps back, walking Charlize into damage. Bell: Theron cut in the mouth, face lumping up nicely - she staggers to Jones' corner by accident and gets the bum's rush out of there, drawing protests from Sharon Stone.

Rd 5: Theron's chin on sale - Jones all dialed in, scoring clean right hands over Charlize' tired jab, stepping in close and getting compact, biting hooks - Charlize accordion-legged, staggering and reeling but refusing to go down. Catherine able to go over to lead - just walking Charlize down and mauling her along the ropes. Jones shoulder-cycling the jab into Charlize as blonde leans forward dukes at temples - Cathy turning on sudden right uppercuts, left hooks to the body, left hooks to the jaw. Jones mopping up jug just because she can - Theron sagging against the ropes, not answering back. Charlize a sad ruin of the woman who began the fight - beaten unrecognizable by Jones' hammer-handed attack - blonde just draping forward off the ropes, trying to swamp Catherine, slow the punishment. Round ends with Jones scoring SICK left hands to the waist and sternum - arching her back to get up in there as Theron groans in stupor.

Rd 6: Jones open-mouthed, shabby with exhaustion - left low, right at her chest, she's looking to conserve energy with potshot counters. Theron flat footed, stumbling forward, but mustering wallop - she gets a tired right cross onto Jones' jaw as Cathy's laying over on her right side - brunette lumbers into the ropes, crossing her arms and starting to rope-a-dope. Theron turning into a middleweight - groggily palming Jones' shoulders, holding and hitting - she's riding a left on Catherine's shoulders to stabilize brunette for hamhanded right uppercuts and slogging rights across the back. Jones shouldering Theron off, bending at the waist, lifting her elbows to ward off punches - blonde just on autopilot, breaking on Catherine like waves on beach. Hateful glares exchanged at the bell - Theron still tragically hurt, Jones trembling from exhaustion.

Rd 7: Battered Theron catching a second wind, conditioning kicking in - she starts to wheel to her left, peppering Jones with jabs landing like wet sandbags against Catherine's face. CZJ busting up now - moving her head late, getting tracked. Cathy able to time stick, slide inside it and counter-hook to chin, but Theron's soaking up the shots better - not a lot left on Jones' strokes. Down the stretch, Theron times Jones for a change, catching Cathy coming in and nailing her a blunt little right hand on the ear - Cathy backs straight up in alarm and takes a CRASHING hook across her chin! Headsnap Jones, hands in her lap - she crumples, then splatters flat out on her back as crowd roars to it's feet. Charlize swaying on the spot, brushing dumbly at hair in her face, staring down - Jones groaning, all used up, can't get off her back. KO7 via attrition, Charlize Theron.

After: Theron re-establishing her cement chin BIG time in this fight - Jones hits Charlize with everything in the arsenal and can't get leggy blonde off her feet. CT's face puffy with punishment, lips swollen and parted, eyes closing to slits in postfight - rounds 3 to 5 some of the worst sustained punishment she's ever taken.

"Plan A went out the window when she hurt me in the third," Theron mumbles in postfight, "I wanted to box her but I just couldn't find my legs. I just had to gut it out - my heart and chin bailed my legs out this time rather than the other way around!"

CZJ bitter in defeat, launching an immediate protest that the fight wasn't stopped earlier. "The man STOOD there and watched as I battered her," Jones complains. "What does somebody have to do to earn a stoppage over Charlize? Shoot her?"