Posted By Simguy 2/18/2005

Before: "I'll carry Jessica just about as much as I did Charlize in 'Monster'," Ricci quips in prefight. "Trust me Jess: if they ever hand out Oscars for ass-kickings, you'll be a shoo-in once I'm done with you!"

Simpson seething, but not all that gifted at repartee - lots of glares, pouty indignation and clenched teeth from blonde as Chrissy wipes up the dais in prefight. Pundits expecting rousing bumper-car punching from both curvy juggernauts - purists may as well go to the concession stand.

Simpson in tan suede bikini, western fringe, Ricci similarly tawdry in black suede bikini, western fringe.

During R1: As promised - girls wade into each other all jiggles, mindlessly belting each other senseless. Both loading up and winging, chins up, chests out - rights and lefts swinging, bodies falling into each other and shoving off. Midway through, Jess gets into a groove, bashing Chrissy's jaw right/left/right as Ricci stumbles forward and STAGGERS TO ALL FOURS! Simpson stooping forward and hooting in derision - ref bundling her back as Christina takes a hurtin' 8. ON COMES JESSICA! Simpson POURING herself into Ricci's bulging rack - blonde setting her feet, twitching her shoulders side to side, just bashing short lefts and rights tidy against Ricci's helpless hooters. Christina stunned, flabbergasted at the jug mugging - BUT SLAMMIN' BACK IN KIND! Jess has her turn, Chris leans and chugs away with similar rapid, short-arm lefts and rights - no backswing - all twisting torso and shoulders behind the bumping blows. Bell: girls intent on flattening the offending bosom in front of her - ref has to tug slugging vixens apart as crowd roars in appreciation.

R2: Ricci hurts Jess with right hands, pounding away to jaw as Simpson blunders recklessly forward - Chrissy able to shove Jess upright, body her back and go to town on those mouthwatering blonde melons! Ricci treating herself to great heaping mittfuls of jug, swabbing away in close with that swishing side to side motion and JESS WON'T HAVE IT! Simpson stunned, but trudging into Ricci - hectic, bashing back and forth sees both women slip into a punch-numb stupor. Ricci scrubs her way into Jessica's rack, bumping Simpsy flat - then Jess wades in, backing Chrissy up - then it's Ricci's turn. Girls fall in together, getting sloppy late as furious pace, ruinous punishment adds up - both lifting repeat right hands into struggling tummies while laying in mouth-on-shoulder.

R3: Jessica hurts Ricci with blunt right hands on the ear, then a walking barrage of lefts and rights to the head, driving brunette into ropes. Simpsy riding her guard onto Ricci and smearing her sideways, then packing leather into tender gut, juicy jug, shiny flank. Simpsy piling her body onto Ricci to smother the receipts, slugging then crowding in a wriggling blonde blanket attack. Ricci reaching under Simpson's arms and easing her off, then punching Jess in the body crude right hands - no science at all as compact vixens plug away. Jessica in a groove late - head down, shoulders rotating - she's just pumping up into Ricci's pudgy paunch. Chrissy drooping, arms over Jessica's back, Ricci's mouth open in silent protest and CHRISTINA GOES DOWN! Ricci on all fours, wheezing with punishment - Simpson shouting "ATTENTION K-MART SHOPPERS!" as ref moves in. Bizarre.

R4: OH they CLANG away. Stupid, face to face slugging - girls heaving away from the hips, overswinging, tumbling into each other. Fight careens off all four sides of ring - now Ricci on top, now Jessica. Time and again, girls tuck into one another's racks with sheer hate, muscling in there tight and scrubbing, pumping, chugging away. Both crying freely, snarling as hurt piles up. Final minute - Jess bends in with a tidy hook, clipping Ricci's chin even as SHE'S trying to hook: Chris staggers stunned into the ropes, limbs suddenly limp as Simpson surges in. Jessica pushing up on Ricci's right shoulder and POUNDING away belly free right hands. It's all too much - Christina groaning, sinks to her hands and knees - Jess takes the opportunity to lift her knee into Ricci's ribs to roll brunette onto her hips. Ricci blubbering, trying to climb ropes - ref holding Jessica back.

R5: Jessica driving in on Ricci, stacking brunette in her home corner, jostling and bumping up on her, then going trunkline with heroic blonde punching. Busy chugging action - Jess' head under Ricci's chin - fists pumping into weary tummy meat - Ricci takes another knee as Simpson shrieks in jubilation. Quaking 8 Chris, Jess wades on in, now looking to finish. Simpsy dukes up, leaning in with head and guard - trying to brace Ricci, then slug her body, swat her ears, jawlines. Ricci leaning forward in similar posture, fronting her guard on Jessica - timing little uppercuts onto blonde chin, hooking Jessica's liver. Slug n' bump sees girls reverse positions - Jess in the ropes and Ricci starts putting punches together. Right hand on the ear, left uppercut - another right hand - Simpsy holding it together behind her gloves, just stooped forward and taking. Chrissy wedges in under Simpsy, propping her up with a shoulder and Ricci starts DIGGING: multiple lefts, multiple rights - brunette just getting all up in there and SIMPSON GOES DOWN! Jessica breathless, on hands and knees - CHRISSY POUNDS A CHEAP RIGHT HAND TO THE BACK! Ref bundling Ricci off - Simpsy wailing in protest, straggly blonde hair in her eyes. Achy 8 Jess - Ricci wading in hard-eyed to gobble up the dregs. Jessica slumping into the ropes, face in gloves - tummy and tits go on sale as Ricci sets her hips and rips away unmolested to the bell...AND BEYOND! Ref has to pull 'Tina off her prey as Simpson snivels in hurt.

R6: Pace slowing, but not the ferocity - both girls damaged goods but hungry for victory. Sloppy, high risk slugging - Ricci looping righty over top, gets hung up on Simpson - Jess able to slug that chugging right hand to body and trunks, bumping Ricci's hips back. Hot n' groggy in close: Jess with her cheek wet on Ricci's shoulder, eyes closed, lips working the word "Tummy...Tummy..." with every plugging punch to brunette midsection. Girls riding guards onto each other, pushing each other back, smearing each other sideways. Constant, willful, jug mugging - as soon as one fits a tasty hook or smutty right hand in there, the other answers back double and soon they're trading whole-hog to rack. Down the stretch, Jessica breaking down a little starts to stumble forward - Ricci stepping back in good order able drift lefts and rights across the chin PUTTING SIMPSON ON ALL FOURS! Jessica trembling with hurt and disappointment, legs shivering as she gingerly stands - she covers up cowering as Ricci pins ears back, lets hands romp all over blonde at ropes to bell. Chrissy hauled off once again: eyes blazing, chest heaving: all she wants is more Jessica.

R7: Ricci's feeling it - she's coming forward, bullying Jessica, breaking her spirit, riding her into ropes and bludgeoning her. Nothing back from Simpson - she's grumpy as she covers up and takes in her ribs, blubbery as she crosses her arms, leans forward and takes it on the chin and flanks. Ricci breaking on Simpson in waves, slugging, bodying up and driving Jessica into ropes - blonde growing ragdoll as punishment adds up. Chrissy loving it to Jessica's trunks and belly - not intentional lowblows, but the pace, exhaustion, adding up in both women - accuracy not high on anyone's list tonight. Simpsy hurt, but showing grit - she keeps her feet, takes it bell to bell and sags in the ropes late as Ricci gorges herself with fistfuls of jug at the break.

R8: Not a lot on Jessica's punches - Ricci wading through it, clubbing Jess right hands upside the head; chinchecking Jess the little left uppercut, then gutting her the hard left hook to liver. Simpson pressed to the ropes and bullied once again - she just can't get Ricci off her chest. Chrissy palming and smothering, holding Jess down and punching her stomach right hands, wriggling to shift weight in order to get multiple left hands up underneath. Midway through, poor Simpson breathless, distraught - she sinks to her knees under the non-stop barrage - Ricci crowding in close to loom over top and taunt as Jessi rolls to her right hip, reaching up with a plaintive left hand against Chrissy's dominant stomach.

R9: Jessica beats Chrissy to a series of raunchy lefts and rights to the face - Ricci beaten steadily backwards, finally covering up as back hits ropes. Jessica workmanlike - palming Ricci, pushing up on her, then ripping hooks to waist - systematically abusing body to bring those hands down. Christina drooping forward, sobbing from body shots: Jess arches her back, picks up chin a gorgeous left uppercut and spills Ricci backwards into the ropes! ROMP! Jess squirming away to pound rights and lefts in a sudden torrent to Ricci's chest and face - shellshocked brunette beaten to a seat at the ropes, gets her inner thighs trampled as Jessica stomps for balance. Snivelling 8 Ricci - deep breath Jess as she steels herself, wades on in. Jessica giving it to Chrissy hard in the body, driving up with shoulders and elbows to stack Ricci upright and prevent the clinch. Jessica going jug with heartless abandon - tight right hands over and over, tidy hooks - always muscling Ricci back into the ropes to prevent her from covering up. Chrissy distraught, groggy, unable to protect herself - she suffers a romping Jess Simpson shutout as blonde pours it on to the bell. Simpsy's turn to gloat, loving the throbbing hurt emanating from Ricci's battered torso.

R10: Both beauties sobbing for air, baring parched throats during the break - trainers trying to massage life back into numb legs, humming arms. Battered vixens stagger to midring, fall in together, then bump and slug at close quarters. Face blank, all autopilot slugging - tummies and tits on sale as girls bash away mindless. Jessica getting the better of it toe-to-toe, steadily forcing Ricci to ropes, but Chrissy never giving in, keeping her head in close to Simpson and hoisting punches into that offending blonde midsection. Down the stretch: all jug, all the time, back and forth. Mouths hang open, eyelashes flutter as first Chrissy, then Jessica takes her turn shrugging short lefts and rights to opponent's bulge. Bell - neither girl aware - they're still mashing melon when ref finally pries 'em apart. Comes back one point duke...Jessica Simpson!

After: Ricci wiping at disappointed tears - Simpson hands on her mouth as SHE breaks down into wracking sobs of jubilation - draining brawl a crowd-pleaser to be sure. "I liked that Ricci brought it to Jess all night long," says a beaming Jessica Lange, "and Simpson threw it right back at her. We know Jess can pound a defenceless girl like Lohan, but this bout shows she's all about heart and grit under that gorgeous exterior. She basically made Christina quit tonight - that's all we ask of any Krusher." Simpson pounding away with fists and crazy non-sequitrs: pleasing combination of ditz and dukes endearing her to fans in ever-increasing numbers.