Posted by simguy on 4/2/2005

Before: Everything coming up Heigl these days - long awaited welter title bout said to be all but signed with division tyrant Ali Landry, now a jug-mugging showcase against busty Jeri Ryan. "There's been a lot of criticism of these kinds of bouts in past," acknowledges Heigl, "but for fighters like me, a jug mugging bout is terrific exposure. Ryan was a great lightweight, but she can't compete chest to chest with me - I'm VERY confident I'll handle her business." Ryan aching to redeem herself after a shocking loss to young Kelly Brook in a similar contest, but facing some of the same obstacles in this fight. "Jeri's one of the best technical boxer-punchers in the sport," says one BLONDE! correspondent. "She gets caught up in going jug to jug with other 'big' girls, but the net effect is she's lowering herself to their level. Youth and mass count for a lot in this kind of fight: experience, judgment and timing not so much. You have to wonder if a sleek, rangy fighter like Ryan can really get it done against naturally beefier, more corpulent women." We'll see. Ryan in scarlet bikini - Heigl in beige crochet bikini.

During R1: Sloppy gypsy-girl stuff - fighters rushing into each other's arms, falling into a natural cauldron (left hands pulling tight behind the opponent's head, right hands a-plugging) - it's tugging, twisting, slugging mayhem. Blazing hussies whirling off balance, clatter to canvas at one point - both immediately reach for each other to establish cauldron on their knees! Mindless pumping right hand action, girls struggling on knees to pack in the extra punch. Ref breaks it up, separates 'em - they're right back in flashing-eyed, snarling-lipped. Fight burbles along the ropes as girls take turns pancaking one another against strands, stuffing hateful leather into throbbing jug to end a pell-mell first.

R2: Girls falling into one another's arms - not a lot of productive punching, mostly twisting and bullying, trying to squirm for position, get a body on the opponent for more holding and hitting. Heigl slowly emerges dominant, pressing Jeri to ropes, stabilizing her with bodyweight - Kathy riding her left arm around Jeri's head while pumping home righty to jug. Ryan seated in ropes, arms crossed, staying calm - she's blocking most of this, just letting Heigl crowd and abuse her. Heigl systematically bludgeoning away, alternating her free punching mitt while holding with the off arm, sometimes wriggling her arms under Jeri's to break up the guard. Ryan essentially unhurt, but it's an age-old axiom in jug-mugging contests: "If your back is to the ropes, you're losing."

R3: Jeri proves you CAN jab in this kind of fight, spreading Heigl out with a spearing stick between the breasts, then LIGHTING HER UP a crashing, all-in right cross to cleavage. Ryan leaning into the stroke, pounding mitt off meat and wrenching an agonized shout of pain from Heigl. Kathy staggers into ropes, covering up, wilting and ON COMES JERI! Ryan tight-lipped, palming, grabbing, squaring Kathy up and ROMPING HOME TO JUG! Jeri setting her feet, giving herself a little room - she's driving up with her legs, chugging away rising lefts and rights as HEIGL SHUTS DOWN! Kathy momentarily paralyzed, sobbing - Ryan getting into Heigl with the best pancaking attack of her career - poor Kathy's breaking down. Jeri slowing tempo to maintain her intensity, palming her left at Heigl's shoulder to anchor her for digging rights, anchoring right to scour away lefts. Glorious rampage has Heigl's cheeks wet with tears, but down the stretch, KATHY SLUGS BACK! Kathy wading off the ropes with hateful lefts and rights - short, plugging blows stunning Jeri, driving her backwards - Ryan belted the length of the ring to hit far ropes in a fog! Ryan astonished, covering up crossed arm - Heigl baring her teeth and HOISTING leather up into jug - she's all thrusting legs, rotating shoulders as she answers, and answers, with vigour! Kathy pumping on past the bell - ref has to body her back - hurt, accusatory glares, snarling lips as melon maidens mince gingerly to waiting stools.

R4: Heigl emerges from the rubble of the third as the stronger vixen, getting on Jeri, bodying her thick to ropes, pounding away hamhanded out of the cauldron. Ryan sponging, sitting in the ropes eyes closed, mouth open, trying to keep her arms crossed against her chest as Heigl snuggles in close and crams away righty. Heigl cuddling with her left arm, left cheek moist against Ryan's forehead - that right hand just bashing away mindless against Jeri's arms, stomach, chest. Kathy wriggling her arms in under Jeri's to break up the defence, stack her up for more punishment - wear and tear starting to show on Ryan's strained face, humming hammies.

R5: Heigl clearly the aggressor - Jeri with a hunted, calculating look as she walks to her right along the ropes, shadowed, stalked by Heigl. More thoughtful fare - Katherine just walking Jeri down, but not engaging - both girls taking a moment to breathe. Heigl reaching in with her left and trying to drive home single right hands - Ryan turning away from the right to take it on her shoulder, attempting to clinch as Kathy falls in. Sporadic stop and go - Kathy looking like the bigger, stronger vixen through 5.

R6: Heigl breaking in waves upon Jeri, pressing and hounding her all around the ring. Long sequences of Jeri stooped forward, hands at her chest - Kathy working in tight, shoulder-shrugging short lefts and rights in bashing patterns against gloves, chest, shoulders, steadily pounding her way through to jug. Ryan staggering under the assault, sliding along the ropes with a parched, drained expression - legs are shot and she's not punching back at all. Midway through, awful pounding lefts and rights shaking Jeri, ruining her - she turns her back, wraps up the ropes in both arms - Heigl straightening up, blowing a tuft of hair out of her eyes and asking the ref to do something, but man just waves her on in. Heigl wrapping Jeri up around the belly and trying to reef her off the ropes, then grabbing her up around the throat, gradually prying her off the strands, stacking her up and resuming the dreadful mound pounding to the bell. Ryan dazed, weepy-eyed - Katherine's hamhanded fists taking a terrible toll through 6.

R7: Too much Heigl. Ryan stiff, cringing off her stool, shopworn and wilting - she's stampeded to ropes and bullied as Heigl takes a moment to jostle for position, then helps herself to aching Ryan jugmeat. Katherine working out of the wrap, left arm strong around Jeri's back, slumping proud blonde forward, then pumping right hands in to humble Ryan's rack. Jeri trying to block - Kathy using the right to push Jeri's left shoulder and bicep back, clearing the way for a belting stream of mindless right hands. Halfway mark, Jeri's mouthpiece tumbles off her teeth, legs quaking - ref has seen enough. Katherine pried off her prize and shoved back, Jeri breaking down, hugging her traumatized breasts - she goes down TKO7 to brawny Kat Heigl.

After: "J-M-D! J-M-D!" Crowd chant immediately rewarded as Heigl hurriedly tugs off her gloves and hops over to a still-pulsing Jeri Ryan. Ryan sees it, turns halfway into the ropes as Heigl bodies onto her - job of work for Kathy to muscle Jeri into position, then snuggle her up tight in the reverse sleeper. Rhapsodic smile Kathy Heigl: left arm snaked strong behind Jeri's head, left hand cupping that rounded right bicep, right hand cupped atop damp blonde skull. Kathy backing into a turnbuckle for support, cinching and adjusting Jeri at times, letting her jugs do the hard work of using Ryan up. Ryan's hands plaintive, probing at Katherine's hips, pushing on her thighs - all she can do is suffer. Finally, sated Heigl releases with a flourish, allowing Ryan to sink to her knees, then sprawl on her back, mumbling incoherently, face shiny-wet with Katherine's jug-sweat. "I'm pounding my way through Samdog!" Gushes an exuberant Heigl in postfight. "First Jeri, then Ali, and if Kelly wants some - I'd love to make it a triple crown!"