Posted by Simguy on 5/2/2008, 7:11 am.

Before: “Hayden doesn’t have the tools to beat me,” a very confident Kristen Bell announces in prefight. “Don’t get me wrong—she’s a good little scrapper—but you need real skills and polish to compete with me, and I’m not seeing Hayden developing along those lines. It’s funny: Sarah’s classy, but lacks the backbone to beat me; Hayden’s strong, but lacks the class to compete with me. I guess that makes me a Foxfire-Killer!”

Hayden rising to the bait: she’s been beating up “skill” fighters her whole life and isn’t impressed by KBell. “How much skill did Lacey have when she put Kris on her back?” Hayden smirks, landing hard against Kristen’s ego. “Kristen may be skilled—but she’s nu superwoman: I’ll walk her down, find her and hurt her. If she beats me, it’s not going to be with finesse. She’s gonna have to dig down and find her inner slugger if she hopes to go 10 with me!”

Kristen in pink bikini; small white gloves. Hayden in dark blue bikini top; light bottoms with dark blue border and strings and a dark floral patterning; small white gloves; ponytail.

During R1: Bell startles Panny: quick jab; sharp hook—Krissy getting in close and turning the latter over today. Hayden on her heels: Kristen hopping forward in her stance pats jabs to mouth, follows up a straight right off the face. Hayden hits the ropes: Krissy hooks tummy with a shout; doubles up that hook to jug; chops the right hand to chin; picks Hayden up a carving left uppercut. Kristen dances away, eye gleaming, little dolphin-mouth smirking as Panettiere gives her head a shake. “Bustin’ you up, Hayd!” KBell chirps, bringing a scowl to Hayden’s face. Panny stalking forward, dukes at her cheeks: Bell darts in jab-t—tummy—darts back out of range; steps to her right, feints Hayden, then moves away. Hayden forward, but getting beat to punches: Krissy darting in with that jab to tummy, staying low, sneaking around to either side—bewildering. “Stitchin’ you up, baby!” Kris chirps. Panettiere frequently forced backwards, covering her head under sudden squalls of KBell punching. At the bell, Kristen shouts: “HAH!” strutting cocky to her corner with a stinging shutout. Hayden? Windblown.

R2: KBell with another pre-emptive jump, snarling as she flurries against Hayden’s hiugh guard, backing Panettiere up. Much of it blocked, but at the end—ringing left uppercut picks Hayden’s chin up sharp. Hayden releasing late—Bell sliding out of range, singing “Too slow!” to further vex her foe. Krist luring Hayden back to midring—then champion renews her aggressive, in-out stitching attacks, Constant jabs pepper Hayden keeping her covered up and crouching, Sharp right hands penetrate, finding Hayden chin’s again and again. Tidy tic-tac-toe combinations rip Hayden tummy to chin with festive stops at jug just for fun: Kristen fighting with a mean little smirk, touching Hayden up at will, constantly chattering at her. Panettiere visibly frustrated—crossing her arms, trying to bob and weave her way forward, but Bell’s tempo and distance-management making her tough target through 2.

R3: Kristen rotating to her right around her left jab, sorting Hayden out at midring: SHARP RIGHT HAND PUTS PANNY ON HER TRUNKS! Hayden sitting up, blinking in shock: Bell struts past with hardhearted eye contact, right fist cocked at her shoulder. Hayden beats the count but is quickly swarmed—Bell scouring her challenger at the ropes, raking rights and lefts in tight-swiping arcs. Hayden grimacing, trying to slug back in disorganized, desperate fashion—Kristen easily able to bounce out, then back in to evade punches and keep the pressure on, Chop-chop-chop—Krissy busting Panettiere up, tearing away at her bell to bell and punishing Hayden along the aprons.

R4: Hayden stooping forward, right hand at her cheek, left across her gut as she tries to close: KRISSY LIGHTS HER UP! Furious, ringing combinations—small mitts bouncing off Hayden’s skull and face—pasting Panettiere into stupor and DROPPING HER TO ALL FOURS! Hayden shaking her head, blinking and stunned—Kristen jogs to neutral corner all frisky. Hayden up slow—cut inside her lip, eyes glassy—she’s really getting cranked. Hayden digs in at ropes. Another stitching tummy-jab and bounce-out as Hayden swings back late and weak: “Missed me!”  Another tummy jab; quick left hook up top as Krissy doubles up; Panettiere’s mouthpiece flutters into the ai, swatted off her teeth. Another hook; short, clipping left uppercut—Hayden’s head bobbing, hands dropping to her waist as she sits in the ropes. Lefts and rights, LEFTS AND RIGHTS! Krissy squares away and starts jackhammering straight criss-cross MMA style punching up the middle—small gloves bouncing Hayden’s sleepy face back in staccato rhythm and THE REF STEPS IN! Hayden bleary, busted up, but woozily protesting “I’m fine! I’m fine!”—it’s TKO4 Kristen Bell!

After: “WOO HOOOOO!” Bell shrieks on camera, pumped by the furious waxing she’s just given boxing’s little darling. “First Sarah, then Hayden—just like I promised! Right from the start, I felt I could do anything I wanted to hayden—I touched her up, I touched her down—I just had her every which way in that ring tonight. She’s not championship caliber—I’ve said that all along. As long as I’m fighting, Hayden Panettiere will NEVER wear a title belt—that’s a promise!” Hayden devastated—it’s the worst mauling she’s suffered since Milano and it’s KBell slamming the door in her face—OUCH!

Reposted by Archer 9/22/09.