Posted by simguy on 7/27/2007

Before: "I'm the best, end of story," Jess Biel shrugs at the podium, smiling smug. "You think Raquel Welch in her prime could have lasted 2 minutes against this body? (gestures grandly to her own magnificent torso) Forget Kelly Brook - I'm talking any celeb, anytime, anywhere - I'm just 'it', you know? And the thing is, I'm not just talking about fighting - we all know I'm gonna blast Kelly out of there - just in acting alone, she can't compete. There's not an audition on Earth that I wouldn't beat her in. MAYBE if the role was "Ugly English girl, wide through the hips, bad nose, a little dim" - Kelly would have a chance. But that's type casting - doesn't count." Brook pursing her lips: she's not as muscular and classically athletic as her foe, but she's in fine, lean shape, oozing buxom confidence her side of the dais. "I know one role Jessica could win hands down," saucy Brit quips, " 'Brash American tramp - glass jaw - over-rated body' - she fits it to a T, doesn't she? I've a surprise or two in store for Jessica. No need to chat it up beforehand: I'll let my mitts do the shouting!" Jessica in taupe GQ string bikini (Asian style tin disk connector betwixt jug); white gloves; shoulder length tangled blonde locks. Kelly in white bikini, spiral-wire connector betwixt jug, white gloves, long golden/brown tangle-curls.

During R1: Kelly's got the right plan - trying to stall Jess out with the jab and ring her up righty: Biel just not having it. Jess constantly changing directions, feinting, then bringing the heat: no jab from Biel - she's just pouncing in with power overhand rights or hesitation hooks off feints. Jess potshotting, belting Kelly's head seemingly at will - American vixen hopping out, circling away, raising her eyebrows, licking her lips as Brook constantly regroups. Too much velocity: Kel can't get her jab on Biel - Jess able to penetrate, score, withdraw - free of charge. Bell: Brook staring, a little wobbly butt - touched and touched hard by Jessica throughout the first.

R2: Biel feinting, stepping out, walking to her right - she's grinning at Kelly, taunting her with cocky eyes. Brook dukes up, spooked by her ballistic opponent's sudden slashing attacks. Tummy jab, Jess Biel - she reaches it in, steps away before the receipt. Tummy jab, JB: tummy jab, JB; Brook frowning, swatting poke off her flat belly with her left hand, turning to stay square. Tummy j - NO IT'S THE RIGHT HAND! Biel crossing Brook up, gets her stooping, catches her a sweeping overhand right upside the head and BROOK SPRAWLS TO CANVAS! Kelly B all stretched out on her back, blinking in pain, twitching and trying to shake off the numbness: Jess jogging all jugs-a-jumpin' and athletic grace to neutral corner, beaming. Kelly brave - fighting off the KO, but OH, she's a hurtin' beauty at the ropes. Rickety 8, Kelly - Brook sits into ropes earmuff, digging in as Biel comes a-sauntering. Jessica grinning ear to ear - pushes Kelly's biceps back, loosens her up, then Jessica Biel helps herself to jug like jug's going to be illegal tomorrow. Oh, the bumping, the chugging, the shoulder-shrugging buffeting of those majestic British hooters. Kelly sobbing out, arms reaching loose around Jess, but unable to tie her up: too much Biel pouring through the breach. Kelly's melons bunching up - her mouth parted in how-could-you shock: Jessica a snarling, ravenous animal, lathering furiously at rack, feeling the fight ooze out of Kelly's slumping frame. Ref jumps in - Jessica's just treating herself to Kelly: TKO 2 Biel.

After: Brook sobbing piteously - she's SO much better than this, she prepared so well, many had her picked to do some damage to Jessica - but Biel's dynamism just too overwhelming, too soon for Kelly to make her adjustments. Jessica preening in victory - taking a slow look-at-me strut about the ring, hands high, smile confident. Biel's one girl you just have to say that when she's truly 'on' - she's nigh irresistible. that's right: nigh. In days to come, Brook resolutely starts to stump for a rematch in British papers, CONVINCED she didn't give her best in this one.