Originally posted by Simguy on 4/28/2002, 6:04 pm

No it’s not the Super Bowl. Not the World Series. Not the…the..whatever the NBA hands out at the end. Yes, once again, the NCAA Women’s College Championships has wound up for another year—hope you all had a chance to watch and imagine. Whoever dreamed up the idea of jamming beefy little co-eds into unlikely leotards, train them to trash talk with ribbons in their hair, write victory poems about making opponents cry (that’s all try by the way) is the sort of insidious genius we need to celebrate. In the Simguy universe—teams compete throughout the year in formal gymnastics—but the big show is all about combat (you need to have gymnastics to get there—see?) My favourite moments from this year:

FIGHTER OF THE TOURNAMENT: Jamie Danztscher (UCLA)

She’s too quick for the bigger girls—too powerful for the frails and anyone who might have given her (clever Canadian Olympian Yvonne Tousek and sluggers Onnie Willis and Doni Thompson:

are already on the Bruins. Whether it’s upperbody holds, bearhugs, lower body holds, freestyle bare hand body punching or boxing (the traditional college events) Jamie pretty much owns the individual competition. The Bruins came up short in the grop brawl segments—heartbreaking to see much bigger Georgia and ‘Bama girls get a hold of Jamie and take turns giving her backbreakers across each other’s outstretched knees—with Danztscher neutralized—the rest of the Bruins were hunted down and extinguished. Of course, JD owns the boxing floor—the 3 round tournament style giving her uptempo pressure style an unfair advantage as the boxers who might give her problems in a longer fight don’t have the time to work on her. Lots of dazed and weepy girls on their rumps or flat on their backs as Danztscher hammers her way to glory.

BOXER OF THE TOURNAMENT: Yvonne Tousek—Johnny Tapia feet and hands, perfect support for some of the big hitters on the Bruins squad.

Loved the exhibition bouts. Newcomer CBS roving reporter Dominique Dawes getting into a stomach punching contest with Amanda Borden—reprise of the storied MAG 7 rivalry delighting the packed Alabama gymnasium.

Girls doffed their jackets, slugged it  out in silk under-camisol for Dawes, dress pants; blouse and dress pants for Borden. Bare feet for both. At first cocky smiles as the girls stepped into each other with gusto—eventually giving way to mindless, slogging give and take—faces blank and pinched, blouses pulled out of pants, girls staggering and leaning against bone another until eventually Borden’s legs give way and Dawes triumphs once again.

Also exhibition kick boxing match between Georgia Gymdog head coach/head shrew Suzanne Yoculan and wonderkind Bruin headmistresss Val Kondos.

Fighting in bare feet, sports bras and stretchy dress slacks Kondos would repeat her humiliating drubbing of the older Yoculan, blooding the blonde’s nose, knocking her down with rib-cracking round kicks and punishing her during extended exchanges on the outside. Suzanne pummeled into snarling, bitter submission—oooh she hates that Val Knodos, doesn’t she?

Reposted by Archer 8/2/09.