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UNIFIED WELTERWEIGHT TITLE BOUT  by simguy 11-28-03

Before: Romijn hyper in prefight, jumping out of her seat at one point and pantomiming a shovelling action: "I'm gonna be slopping on the punishment Shar! You're gonna get so much Becky you'll be SCREAMING for more Cameron. Oh, girl, you do NOT want this!"

Charlize non plussed, already envisioning belts around her waist. "Talent's so thin at welter, I'm thinking of asking Ali Landry to fill in the 7 rounds that Becky doesn't finish. Seriously, can any of you feature Becky Romijn getting out of this fight with her title intact?"

Romijn in black push up, black boy cut trunks (spankin' pants as Charlize calls 'em) Charlize in cream bikini.

Rd 1: Theron getting loose in the first minute, dancing, hands low, tacking her jab to Becky's face with a breezy, semi-backhand flick. Series of looping overhand rights chases Charlize to ropes at the halfway point - Becky turning puncher and muscling up to make a point early. Rough and tumble romp to the ribcage as Romijn leans forward, pulls her fists in licking combinations downstairs, getting Theron's attention. All Theron trying to tie up, Becky shoving her off and laying it on thick to the midriff to the bell.

R2: Theron answers the challenge, comes out flat footed, bumping shoulders with Becky, strapping her long armed power licks up and down both flanks. Romijn flat footed, gloves at her temples, bent forward as she swivels to her left - she's covering up, not answering back as Charlize sets down on some gorgeous, stroking lefts and rights. Down the stretch, Beck starts fitting her punches in, picking up Charlize' chin a sneaky little right uppercut, bobbing underneath a flailing Theron right and NAILING CT a nasty left hook. CHARLIZE GOES DOWN! Theron dropped to her butt - staring up open mouthed in shock as Becky lavishes her a winning smile. Theron up at 8, dishelved, and Romijn POURS herself at Charlize! Rich, thick pounding flows forth as Becky swings long arms in clubbing arcs, beating Charlize into a shell, then walloping her behind the elbows, savaging the hips and lower back. CHARLIZE GOES DOWN AGAIN! Theron beaten to her knees, trembling in shock and ROMJIN'S STILL POUNDING! Beck teeth bared, windmilling the sides of her fists down onto Charlize' shiny back - Theron sobbing in protest as the ref tackles an enraged champ away at the bell.

R3: THERON RALLIES! Charlize hot off her stool, snatch-snatching hooks in under Beck's right elbow, using the extended left elbow to ease Beck back, then walloping her heavy handed rights over top. Romijn shipping shellack, dazed and stunned as she hits the ropes - Theron stepping with her and laying down a blanket of wallop. Terrific pounding dished out - Becky a-swoon, legs trembling as she spills to her left along the ropes - Charlize stepping with, occasionally bracing her with a steadying left, then sailing in with the right. Clouting lefts and rights spank the mouthpiece off a shocked Romjin's teeth at the bell - Charlize bodying up and letting her hear all about it as the ref steps in.

R4: HAMMER AND TONGS! Becky sucks it up, wades in - Charlize determined to slug her way right through the champ - it's carnage. Girls falling in with each other, pushing and straining for punching room, long legs faltering, staggering around the ring. Both adept at pulling on the opponent's arm, slumping her forward and punching her body inside and out the extended limb. Girls hurting each other to the body - as they slouch forward in swoon, they're getting wrapped, held and hit with greedy right hands cheap. Heartless slugging, girls taking turns strapping each other senseless - at the bell - judges like Charlize just a bit better, but it's razor thin. Both beauties ramshackle back to their stools, getting work on throbbing ribs and swelling brows.

R5: Starting to get mindless, both blondes seeking to impose their will on the opponent and beat her into submission. Theron busier, setting herself by touching up her guard against Becky, then snatching nasty left/rights at the waist. Beck landing the bigger shots, buckling Charlize' legs midway through with a vicious right uppercut, following by a swinging right behind the head that has Theron reeling.

R6: Damaged blondes struggling up off their stools, mouths open, eyes swelling - they're just plodding into each other, wrestling for position and balance, then chugging into the tortured meat of the other's torso. Back and forth, stupid, mauling work - FINALLY Becky's back touches the ropes and she stops punching in exhaustion. Charlize fighting on - expression like she's dying of thirst - just willing her arms to keep pumping, fists pushing back and forth into Becky's hips, waist and ribs. Round ends to the sight of Charlize riding her left arm across Becky's back, slumping the beauty forward and shoving home heartless right hands amidships at the bell.

R7: Becky's been getting outworked - her turn to amp the volume. Romijn using a bit more leg, not so eager to just wallow in the mud with Charlize - hitting and sliding over to the right. Becky seeking that same, snatching hook in under the elbows Theron's been getting - Charlize taking it with a distressed expression, coming forward regardless. Charlize pounding her way up Beck's body at the midway point, cashes in a hook to chin that has Romijn reeling back to the ropes - Beck momentarily out on her feet, but she gathers herself as Theron storms the gates. Boozy toe to toe slogging, Charlize besieging Beck at the ropes but getting beaten to the punch - Theron's face spanked side to side, eyes glassy at the bell as Becky dials in.

R8: Crowd ROARING - both beauties SO hurt, so drained, but giving their all to hustle the other out of there. They punch, then fall forward in exhaustion, cheeks against the opponent's shoulder while reaching under her arms to smother the receipts. Both work out of the wrap this round, slumping the opponent forward with the left around her shoulders, plundering puppies with heartless, slogging rights up underneath. Both girls slug after the bell on autopilot - ref has to pry 'em wetly apart.

R9: Becky gets to Charlize with face punching in the first minute, timing her punches, cleaving them onto chin - she's got Theron tottering backwards. Beck at the ropes, palming her girl in the shoulders, then digging thick to the gut, getting torso-droop out of Charlize. Romijn rotating her shoulders, pumping to jug, pounding Charlize' plums - Theron eyes clamped shut, mouth open in shock - she's reaching around Romjin's shoulders and BECKY'S POURING IT ON! Beck sensing collapse, redoubles her efforts, pumping up into Charlize' cream-covered sacks, shaking the world class torso of her opponent and THERON GOES DOWN! Exhausted Charlize finally giving way, sliding down Becky's long torso to all fours - Romijn lifting her mitts and bellowing in triumph. Theron beats the count, but she's ashambles, nodding dimly to the ref, lifting her mitts and sagging into the ropes as Rebecca piles on, helping herself to crotch, hip and breadbasket with indiscriminate lefts and rights to the bell.

R10: Theron won't go, Becky won't go - girls trudge into each other in a sloppy series of mauling clinches, holding and hitting, holding and thumbing, holding and lacing, elbowing each other in the ribs and jaw - anything to scrape out the upperhand. Brawl spills to the ropes and percolates away - girls tumbling in a writhing mass along the strands, visiting the corners. Down the stretch, Charlize gets on top to stay, bodying a drowsy Romijn into the ropes, bumping her back, then lathering in the hurt. Beck getting clocked a right hand, eyes fluttering, draping her left arm across Charlize' back - Theron shoving her foe back into the ropes, getting room, walloping home another blockbuster - its agony to the bell. Theron doesn't hear it - her whole world coming down to slugging, propping and slugging some more. Long delay as cards are tallied and retallied, girls trembling midring with the ref between 'em. Comes back a one point duke for the winner and STILL welterweight champ - REBECCA ROMJIN!

After: Charlize mouthing "NO" in mute, heartbroken shock - unthinkable she could be so battered and come up empty at the end. Romijn STRUTTING, shouting into the crowd, then approaching Charlize to tug her forward by the waistband of her bottoms and hollering "WOOOO!" in Theron's blinking face. Classic tall blonde slugfest - Charlize stringing together middle rounds to make this a race to the wire but in the end, Theron's fabulous legs gave way 3 times tonight, yielding the duke to Romijn.

"She just couldn't take my punches," squeals a delighted, badly battered Becky Romijn in postfight. "Too much Becky, just like I promised. I dished it up to Theron tonight - triple helpings - and look at her! That's a used up tramp over there - no doubt about it!"