Posted by Simguy on 1/3/2004, 8:48 am.

Before: Alba approaching this rematch like she’s going over a speed bump—KO’d last time out against ‘Lishy, sinewy brunette utterly dismissive of the upset. “It happens,” shrugs Jess. “Average fighters get over on great fighters from time to time. Did it make Jane Krakowski a world beater when she stopped Cat? Did anyone think Jeri Ryan was a great fighter after she put Charlize down in one? I’ll come back like Elisha’s stepmother taking a hairbrush to her hide and that’ll be the end of it.” Plucky Cuthbert just charging along, raring to go, “As soon as I knocked her out last time,” chirps ‘Lish, “I ran to Janet Jones and told her to sign a rematch. I’m not scared to Jessica and I’m going to bust her up again just because I can!” Alba in long curls, black boat neck dance bra, snug red boy cut trunks, black shoes and socks.—Cuthbert in white fightin’ bikini, white shoes and socks.

During R1: Albna non-chalant off her stool. Still adjusting her mouthpiece AND CUTHBERT’S ON HER! Little ‘Lishy getting a veteran-like jump out of her corner before the bell with the ref facing Jess—blonde shows up over the skies of Pearl Harbour and starts dropping bombs! Short, pounding right hands off the shoulder-Cuthbert just extending her left to stabilize Jess at the chest, then drifting home clock—Alba staggered, wafting to her right along the ropes, dreamy from punches early. Contrast in faces: ‘Lishy lips tight, eyes blazing, totally focused on putting leather on chin; Alba stupefied, lolling woozily back into position after taking each blow, facing into punches—eyebrows high. Eyelashes fluttering, mouth open in a stupid “you’re hurting me” put. Crowd screaming as Alba starts slapping back weak blows, sharp to the chin, back with the clobbering right hand and ALBA GOES OUT! Jessica windblown at the ropes, now just ragdolling as pounding blows off her chest and skull, moving her this way and that. Alba’s legs finally give way—she crumbles down under a blistering rain of enraged Cuthbert punching-snarling little blonde hellcat has to gut-wrenched back by the ref. IT’S OVER! Good Lord—KO1 Elisha Cuthbert!

After: Jessica Alba laid out in stunning, grotesquely humiliating fashion—KO’d once again by a girl who barely registers on the Alba radar screen—it’s an earthshattering upset. Cuthbert leaping and cavorting, hamhanded brawler takes it to the cutey again and can’t be dismissed as a fluke this time. “Jessica’s the better fighter,” says one pundit, still shaking his head, “but she’d better steer clear of Elisha Cuthbert. Jess just can’t take that girl’s punches,” Alba getting a penlight shone in her eyes as she lies numb just under the bottom ropes—Elisha high on Janet’s shoulders , carrying on like she’s already forgotten Jessica’s name.

Reposted by Archer 10/18/09.