ANS UNDERGROUND: BOOTLEG FOOTAGE OF CAMPBELL-MCCARTHY POST FIGHT

Go back to Neve Campbell vs Jenny McCarthy

Originally posted by Shaky-cam footage on 5/31/2008, 10:25 pm

Post fight: It’s long been a running gag among the FCBA fanbase about how the HBO execs never seem to have the Swan Lake tape cued up for those times when the action in the ring gets a little too intense. The end of the Campbell-McCarthy title fight proved to be an exception -- some forward thinking individual in the AV truck might have had an idea that something bad could and probably would happen no matter who won and as it turned out, they were right. So after Neve Campbell had her gloves removed and started stalking toward the McCarthy camp, millions of viewers at home got treated to a rousing section of classic opera that went on for a good ten minutes before the PPV mysteriously cut back to the brunette’s victorious interview. Luckily for those not present to witness the events firsthand, ANS intern extraordinaire Dwight Renfield had a miniature digital video camera on his person that night and the footage he captured found its way to Youtube before the end of the weekend.

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Wading through a protesting sea of the challenger’s entourage, Neve Campbell clamped her hand around Jenny McCarthy’s freshly de-gloved right wrist and gave her arm a heartless tug. “Get up.” the brunette demanded flatly.

The blonde’s usual bravado has been all but battered out of her, but the tiniest hint remained. “Gech’er hands offa me.” she panted.

Campbell just shook her head ‘no’ and replied, “I don’t think so Jenny. We’ve both earned this.” Patently ignoring the muttered threats from Camp McCarthy, Neve dug her feet into the canvas, ripped Jenny off her stool and caught the stumbling blonde in a loose Bear Hug. Holding her battered prey in a belly-to-belly embrace, Campbell knotted her hands against the small of McCarthy’s back and gave her a single hard squeeeeeeeze. Jenny’s baby blues bulged in shock and her jaw creaked open, but nothing came out but a pained sigh.

Breaking the clasp, the champion moved to the blonde’s left and snugged her right arm around her waist. Pulling the once-verbose challenger in tight, Neve began to strut the perimeter of the ring and everyone was thinking Walk of Shame, Jenny included.

Using every last bit of her willpower to hold back a rush of tears, McCarthy gasped. “You’re gonna walk me? That’s the best… best ya could come up with? Shh… shit, how did a moron like… like you ever… be.. beat meUNNNNNGGGHHHH!” The domineering brunette had made less than half of her circuit when she suddenly torqued her hips and dumped Jenny flat on her back in the center of the ring.

Looming over the spreadeagled form of her curvy nemesis, Neve put her hands on her hips and answered, “A walk’s too good for you McCarthy. No, you’d still be up and bytching tomorrow about how I got ‘lucky’, about how it’s one big conspiracy to keep your insolent, clowning ass from the Bantam Title. Far as I’m concerned, there’s only one way to shut you up for good and that’s what I intend to do…” Campbell trailed off then and took a half step forward -- her boots now about even with the blonde’s shoulders.

And suddenly Jenny twitched. Because she knew what was coming and she knew she couldn’t fight it off in her decimated condition but that didn’t stop her from fighting til the bitter end. Moving like a busted robot, she tried to claw her way to safety, but the champion just followed along above her and a moment later Jenny’s vision was blotted out by the seat of Neve’s crushed velvet panties when the brunette sat on her face.

Taking a moment to adjust her perch as the blonde started to squirm, Campbell nuzzled her ring shoes against the sides of Jenny’s head to better hold her in place for the Buns of Mass Destruction. What followed was not the sort of face-grinder Neve had become famous for in her AHW bouts -- this was more smother than humiliation (though McCarthy probably thought otherwise) The brunette barely moved in fact, she let Jenny do all the twitching, moaning and writhing for her. And twitch she did; Jenny wriggled like a bug on a card for maybe a minute before her uselessly-bicycling legs and spasmodically flailing arms finally went limp.

Tilting her head to the side at a slight angle, Campbell seemed to be testing the wind -- she’s had women play possum on her before, wants to see if the blonde is doing the same. With Jenny‘s nose wedged firmly between her glutes, Neve reached forward and palmed Jenny’s upturned jugs. Squeezing gently, she jostled McCarthy’s girls in their cups to absolutely no reaction. Almost convinced, Campbell leaned forward a little bit more, only this time her hands pressed deep into the battered meat of the challenger’s belly. Squaring her shoulders, the brunette pushed down hard on Jenny’s abs but all this elicited was a breathless, honking moan that that sent a shiver of pleasure from Campbell’s trunks all the way up her spine. “I do good work.” the brunette noted in an appreciative tone.   

Satisfied, Neve straightened up and flicked the edges of her burgundy briefs back into place before turning her attention to her corner to gesture for a microphone. Feeling no pressing urge to relinquish her perch on the blonde’s slumbering face, Campbell accepted the mic and addressed the arena. “Now that I’ve silenced the biggest mouth the Bantam division has ever seen, (she did a subtle, rolling grind on Jenny’s features to thunderous cheers) it’s time to turn my attention to the next challenge. And while I am loathe to defend this title against two Jennifer’s in rapid succession, it’s impossible to deny that Jennifer Connelly deserves to contend for my belt.” She paused for a moment as the mention of the TU stalwart draws another impressive cheer.

When it died down, the Canadian continued, “THAT SAID, I still don’t believe in giving out Championship Matches on a whim, so Connelly, I’ll gladly declare you the number one contender if you agree to a single condition.” She paused, rolled her eyes and snorted. “And before you have the TU legal department bombard me with a stack of whining letters, don’t worry, you don’t even have to win a match. But if I put up the gold against you, I think it’s only fair that you should put up something precious as well. That way we both have something to lose. So what do I want from you Jennifer? Simple, one of your fighting outfits. Not just any outfit but the red-sequined push-up and panties from the original Bedazzled. You know the number don’t ya? You bought it from Raquel Welch herself a few years back and said it brought you luck. And to be fair, they look good on you, but they’ll look even better on me and if you want to step into this ring against me, you’re going to have to put them on the line. What do you say Jen? My title and your togs? Don’t rush your answer, there’s a few weeks between now and the next PPV and I can keep myself busy folding up a certain ‘Knife’ one last time.”

Dropping the mic, Campbell dipped forward again, only now she hooked her hands behind Jenny’s knees. Pulling McCarthy’s legs off the mat, Campbell tucked the captured limbs under her arms and leaned back, folding the blonde in half with the humiliating Reverse Matchbook more often seen in penthouses than boxing rings. Happy to put Jenny’s blue-clad butt on display for the capacity crowd, Neve nodded to someone off camera and a moment later a familiar song began to glide out of the arena sound system.   

To say the reaction was mixed would be an understatement. The J-Mac fans that hadn’t already headed for the parking lot were in a seething rage, while Neve fans and those that just generally disapproved of the blonde’s antics couldn’t stop grinning. Campbell herself was much less easy to read -- there was a small, pleased smile on her face to be sure, but it was hard to tell whether it pertained to Jenny’s humiliation or the thought of another Jennifer accepting her challenge. Regardless, the brunette held her alluring, unnecessary cover for several endless seconds and right around the time Mr. Darrin was commenting on a ‘body oozin’ life’ Neve tossed Jenny’s boneless legs aside and got to her feet. Accepting her titles from a flustered looking referee, Neve spared Jenny a final glance and purred, “Oh, the line forms, on the right babe…” Then she spun on her heel, slipped out of the ring and strutted up the ramp toward her interview.