Posted by simguy on 3/7/2009, 8:38 am

Before: "I'm hotter: full stop," Cindy brazens at podium. "Seriously: Ali Landry? Taco-chip ad from like twenty years ago? That girl? No: I'm Cindy Crawford, guys. I'm the whole freaking show at welterweight and it's about time I got the recognition to go with my status. Women like Landry know they're in the presence of greatness when I step up - you can see it in their eyes. I've got Ali beat right now - just have to put some leather on her to formalize it." Landry blushing angry: rare for her to hear this kind of in-your-face supremacy from an opponent. "I take eyeballs off Cindy when I walk into the room, and she knows it," Landry responds. "It's good that we're fighting: I had no idea she felt the way she does towards me. Now I get the chance to hammer into her why I'm heading for the hall of fame, and she's not. As a fighter, she was great for a model: you guys know what that means. Cindy's going out in three: write it down." Gold bikini for Ali, black gloves; luxurious brown curls loose. Cindy in black bikini, black gloves; tangly brown hair loose. Hard staredown: girls really searching each other's eyes for any sign of doubt.

During R1: Stiff jab takes Cindy in her tits: she's on her heels when she slaps her hook; Ali pushes through it, bounces a right off Cindy's chin. Crawford wide-eyed to ropes: she extends hands, trying to heel Ali off. Landry slugging through it: fierce right hand takes Cindy in the ribs just south of jug; clobbering left caroms off Cindy's temple. Crawford buzzed - slides to her right: Ali bouncing to her left, paralleling course and speed. Landry ducking in - getting off right/left - ducking back out as Cindy takes body shots. Crawford corner: Cindy alarmed as Ali weaves in again: right hand upside Crawford's head; left off her shoulder/right breast has Cindy spooked. Head-and-right-arm clinch from Cindy: she clutches Ali close - gets ref's break. Crawford loping to midring, flapping out don't-hurt-me jabs: Landry weaving forward, eyes blazing, face SO determined as she walks Crawford down. That's the gist of it: Crawford using the ring, refusing combat; Ali pressurizing her girl all around the ring - staying in a low, weaving crouch on approach.

R2: Crawford steppin' counter-clockwise, popping jabs: still looking a little uncomfortable. Landry weaving poke, stepping Cindy down: Ali cutting off the ring, jabbing back at Cindy's tits to locate her. Minute mark - Cindy tries a right uppercut: Ali diving in, loops a vicious overhand right to chin in exchange. CRASHING impact: Cindy jolted stiff - legs locked as torso relaxes...she topples backward, splashing down and lying still. Sickening whack, Cindy's hands at her sides, eyes clicked shut: ref IMMEDIATELY waves this off - ushering the physicians in. KO2 Ali Landry in monstrous fashion.

After: Landry seething - drawing a thumb across her throat at poor stiff Cindy (incurring instant fine) - then strutting the ring all chest-pounding exultation. "So much for the big rivalry," Ali gloats, eyes blazing: she's barely touched - just glistening with the sweat her own labours. "Nobody could have beaten me tonight: not Charlize, not Mandy, not Nadia - none of them. You saw perfection tonight: in body and performance. I destroyed Cindy Crawford tonight - utterly and completely. Hope you all enjoyed her, because she's never coming back from this." Apparently Crawford in agreement: days later, a teary-eyed Cindy announces a shocking retirement in the wake of the most devastating loss in her long, distinguished career. It's a peacock-feather in Ali's cap: Landry throws party in Miami to celebrate the exquisite conquest.