BOXING ON THE BEACH

Originally posted by Simguy on 7/9/2008, 6:23 pm

Before: Lindsay Lohan taking a page out of Jenny O’Dell’s book—putting on her promoter’s cap to help galpal Amanda Seyfried dip a toe in the shark tank. “Amanda asked if I could help her get into fighting, and right away the light went on,” breezes Lilo in conference. “I’ve always been more than just a fighter—I see things other girls miss, I’ve got the business sensibility to go along with the fighting talent—why not get into the promotional end. Guys, this is a terrific little tilt. Amanda’s a big hitting bantam—I brought Tara Reid into spar with her, and after just a few days, Seyfried was making Tara quit in tears. Summer’s a promising talent as well, and I’ve told Amanda that if she’s serious about this—we’re going to fight real fights—no gimmes. Can’t wait—I know Amanda’s going to show Summer what the beach is all about!”

Sunny So-Cal beach—ring stanchions set up directly on sand—volleyball bleachers holding an enthusiastic small crowd. Seyfried in pink bikini; white gloves; long curly blonde hair tied back off her face (but still loose in the breeze). Summer in green bikini; black gloves; hair loose.

R1: Seyfried baring her teeth, stepping-to aggressively: she slaps wide, amateurish punches about Summer’s head and shoulders. Glau crouching into the batting wallop, hands at temples—she straighten up, clouting Amanda a pair of short, clipping hooks to mouth—backing Seyfried up in polished fashion. Amanda undeterred—steadies herself, roars back in—slapping and wailing away in pinwheel fashion. Summer forced to crouch low to ride out the turbulence—then looking for her spots to hook Seyfried, or ease a shoulder into blonde torso to shove her off. Lohan in Amanda’s corner, clapping, shouting loud encouragement. If nothing else—Seyfried’s got enthusiasm—simply outworking a cautious Glau for first round points.

R2: Summer once again overwhelmed as Amanda comes whirling in: brunette calmly bending low, waiting to hook her quarry. Seyfried chopping her fists down, illegally pounding rabbit punches off back of Summer’s head—GLAU’S ROCKED! Summer straightening, backing away in distress—Amanda’s kicking up sand as she barrels in, Glau tackled hard to ropes, then groaning as Amanda pumps a series of plugging left hands to paunch while crowding in: brunette grimacing, folding forward with gloves stacked right atop left at her midsection. Amanda squares away, pushing in with her left shoulder to stablize then going to Summer’s waistline with working-woman’s rights and lefts—beating the dancer behind either elbow. Summer composed—breathing through pursed lips: she’s being punished here, but she’s absorbing in good order, dipping low to slip any head shots. Seyfried setting a torrid pace—alternately squashing her girl to ropes, or slugging crazily at e body: by the final minute, Amanda’s mouthbreathing in the summer heat. Summer tucks a short, shrugging hook in Seyfried’s available tummy; hooks her tits; sidesteps to her right, then trades right hands to chin as Amanda’s still pitchin’. Summer’s punch shorter, weightier—Seyfried’s shunted into ropes as Sum neatly reverses field. Cool, collected shove-n’-slug administered as Summer works out of the loose stacked-hands posture, using her left shoulder to bump and jostle. Lohan clapping, hooting—it’s another Seyfried round, but Summer’s looking like the better schooled prospect through 2.

R3: Contrast in facial features: Summer almost expressionless, exhaling through pursed lips, eyes thoughtful as she plies her trade. Amanda’s eyes wild as her swings, lips curled off her teeth, jugs a-sloshing with her side-to-side swinging, Summer fighting a series of controlled exchanged—stepping inside the arc of Amanda’s wallops, allowing them to wrap around, then working tidily to Seyfried’s tits and tummy with cuffing swat. Glau with her hands stacked at her body—edging in behind her shoulder: she’s steadily backing Amanda up, removing much of the threat in the process as Seyfried’s reduced to flailing arm punches. Good thump to the body: Summer safety-first, slipping her way inside, getting off so short, she’s hard to counter—not that Seyfried’s capable of timing punches by the looks.

R4: More methodical, patient boxing from Summer If she has a jab, we aren’t seeing it: she doesn’t need it. Glau edging her way in, dipping, slipping and rolling Amanda’s wailing offerings, then SNIK-SNAK—Summer’s swiping midriff, Seyfried groaning, shouting out in pain—she’s no longer taking Summer’s punches well, Glau advancing in lock-step with Seyfried retreats—never rushing or pushing the action. Midway through—Summer rolls a flapping left/right from Amanda, then twitches a thick, swatting hook to tummy, doubling it up tuff and dropping Seyfried to all fours. Amanda panting, sobbing: Lilo screaming “GET UP!” as Glau strides past. Seyfried bullied into rising by her promoter, but she’s shabby goods: on comes Sum, Glau menacing Amanda at the ropes, slouching slightly while jabbing Seyfried’s tummy: Amanda groaning, covers up peek-a-boo, stooping forward, butt-in-ropes, Amanda explores the left flank, tucking a short right hand in behind Amanda’s elbow, buckling Seyfried’s legs. Lilo screaming “PUNCH! PUNCH!” from just a few feet away: cringing Amanda moves to comply, trying an ill-conceived right uppercut. Summer’s waiting for it: quick, chopping  right toggles Amandas chin—Seyfried’s right sails as her legs give way. Seyfried spills face first into sand, buttocks jostling to a stop as she relaxes into KO. KO4, Summer Glau.

After: Lohan getting red-faced, screaming taunts at summer and challenging her to catfight right then and there. Glau pointed ignoring the shrill blonde, calmly waiting as her gloves are removed—a stiff sea-breeze blowing brown hair across her eyes and mouth. Amanda a jiggling, rambunctious and eager mess—Summer’s poise and obvious training not tested at this level.

Reposted by Archer 7/29/09.