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30 October 2011 Sarah Chalke vs Kesha

Page history last edited by Archer844 12 years, 2 months ago

Sarah Chalke 01.jpg Kesha 01.jpg

"TRICK OR BEST AT THE ASYLUM" PPV.

(Site: The Asylum Arena. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)

Posted by Results By Sim/Words By Wiz on 10/30/2011, 12:08 am

BEFORE:

"Ke$ha is just a wild brawler," says Sarah shaking her head. "I know how to deal with a fighter like her. She can't box with me. I'll box her for points early on and, when she tires out, I'll finish her."

"You know, Chalke ought to put 'Pacific Coast Track Club' on her robe after the way she fought Katy," Ke$ha says with a smile. "But, like Joe Louis said, she can run, but she can't hide."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Back at ringside, and, Mac, what are your feelings on this one?"

McCarthy: "Well, Chalke is right. Ke$ha IS a wild brawler. She's been the same every fight. Lots of big punches, but a lot of them miss. She has seemed to settle down some as fights go on, and, if she hits you, you stay hit. But, the way to beat her is exactly what Chalke says. Box early. Wear her out. Finish late. Can Sarah do that? We'll see!"

O'Dell: "And that's 'Dreaming Of You' by The Coral and here comes Sarah. Chalke with her BBU trainers entering the ring. They help her off with the robe, and that's a pretty hot red bikini she's wearing..."

McCarthy: "Can't really fill it out, though..."

Tess: "Well, introduce her to your plastic surgeon..."

McCarthy: "You're going to NEED surgery, Walmart!"

O'Dell: "Aaaaannnnd that's 'Blow' and here comes 'Six Feet Of Sexy'. Ke$ha being led down by Jewel and Neve Campbell..."

McCarthy: "I'm not surprised Ke$ha's never learned to fight, being trained by THOSE two..."

Tess: "What's YOUR training record again?"

McCarthy: "Shut UP, Walmart!"

O'Dell(sighing): "Ke$ha into the ring, drops the robe and...well...a silver glitter bikini.."

McCarthy: "Not exactly classy..."

Tess: "Says the STRIPPER..."

McCarthy: "I was NOT a STRIPPER!"

Tess: "True, strippers do it for a few dozen guys, YOU did it for millions..."

McCarthy: "Listen, you..."

O'Dell: "And there's the BELL, thank heaven, and Ke$ha right after Chalke. Sarah not going to stand there. She's moving and ducking, backing and filling. Ke$ha swinging for the fences here early..."

McCarthy: "This is just what this kid ALWAYS does. She's not learning anything. She's got all that range and power. She's a southpaw. Tricky style, but she's chasing Chalke around throwing haymakers. Not landing anything."

O'Dell: "Sarah not able to get into a stance, though. Ke$ha all pressure here. Looking to land that big overhand left. Misses. Chalke ducks away, sticks out a couple of jabs, but doesn't land anything. Ke$ha a big right hook, but Chalke ducks, slips away, circling back away from the big blonde."

McCarthy: "Has there ever been an FCBA fight where no one actually landed a punch?"

O'Dell: "Ke$ha still looking for the home run ball here, chasing and Chalke isn't going to stay in there. Sarah in full retreat, sticking out a jab as she backs away. Ke$ha just stalking, winging the left. There's the bell. Not much in it, Mac..."

McCarthy: "How can you not score that even? I don't think anyone scored at all!"

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Well, there's a little good cop/bad cop going on in the Front Street corner right now. Neve Campbell let the big blonde have it before she even sat down. Jewel's now telling Ke$ha to settle down and start boxing."

McCarthy: "Campbell must really be angry, because we all know she can't act..."

Tess: "Says the woman with the Razzie Awards..."

McCarthy: "I. AM. WARNING. YOU. WALMART!"

O'Dell: "Wonder if a broadcast has ever needed a referee before. I swear, I'm hiring Mills Lane. There's the bell for the second, and it's Ke$ha again pressuring. Moving the feet this time. Using the long right jab. Trying to set up the big left. Chalke moving nicely, getting the head action going, dodging and bobbing. Fits a nice left jab in and circles left..."

McCarthy: "That's one of the things about fighting a southpaw. If you're going to stick and circle, you've got to keep reminding yourself to go left."

O'Dell: "Chalke doing just that. Fitting the jab again. Ke$ha tries to counter with a left hook, but doesn't manage to land. Mac, explain to the fans who might not know why you circle left against a southpaw."

McCarthy: "You always want to circle AWAY from power, especially against someone who's a big hitter like Ke$ha. Against a right handed fighter, you circle to your right, away from her right hand. Against a southpaw, you have to circle the other way. And, even though you'll have been training with southpaws, it's easy to forget for a second, and a second can be all it takes."

O'Dell: "Chalke getting into some rhythm right now, Mac. Landing that left jab consistently. Ke$ha trying to counter, not having much success. Chalke moving and sticking well. Showing good legs, quick hands."

McCarthy: "This is the blueprint. Outbox Ke$ha for points early, then take over as she tires herself out..."

O'Dell: "Half of that is working, because, as she usually does after the first, Ke$ha's settled down and isn't wasting energy winging bombs. She's not landing much, though, and, as the bell rings, I think Sarah's going to get the round."

McCarthy: "Agreed, Jenny. Good round for Chalke. Just what she needs."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "Getting ready for the third now, and, again, Ke$ha's coming forward with bad intentions and Chalke is looking to jab and circle. Sarah lands a left. Ke$ha looking to cut off the ring. Sarah another left..."

McCarthy: "OHHHHH! DOWN GOES CHALKE!"

O'Dell: "THE HUGE OVERHAND LEFT FROM SIX FEET OF SEXY! CAUGHT CHALKE FLUSH ON THE CHIN! SWIVELED THE HEAD AND SARAH MADE A BONELESS SPLASH ON HER BACK, SPREAD EAGLE! REFEREE COUNTING. CHALKE NOT MOVING. NINE. TEN! IT'S OVER! THE WINNER BY KO3, KE$HA!"

McCarthy: "This kid can PUNCH! Four fights. Twelve rounds. Four knockouts. When they get Chalke back to the stool and ask her what city she's in, she's going to say 'Blue'!"

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"

Tess: "Thanks, Jenny! I'm here with our winner, Ke$ha, and, Ke$ha, what was Neve Campbell saying to you between the first and second rounds?"

Ke$ha(laughing): "Even on HBO, I can't repeat most of that! But, you know, I get too excited early on in fights, always trying to get the quick KO, land the big punch. That's what she was telling me about. I'm trying to work on that, because, when I settle down and let the fight come to me, good things happen. Well. Good things for Six Feet Of Sexy. Bad things for YOU."