Partial Report

Posted by Simguy on 2/13/2004, 7:15 am,

CZJ: red bikini
Mischa: lime green bikini top, yellow Hooter’s-cut nylong shorts

KO7 Jones.

Really only Jones can sell tickets to this sort of thing; “Catherine’s fans don’t necessarily like to see their girls struggle,” says on pundit. “Something about Jones makes you want to see her bully and punish opponents.” Hard to figure Barton taking the fight, but as Mischa tells Celebrity Ring: “I got into this business to fight women like Zeta Jones--definitely! I know it’s a huge step for me, but I’m SO pumped. I can’t wait to trade with her--see what she’s got.” One thing Barton’s people probably counted on was Jones’ infamous reputation for fighting down to the level of her opposition. “Even Catherine would admit,” says Jewel Kilcher, ‘that for a big name fighter, she’s pretty prone to being upset. I wouldn’t count Barton out until we see how serious Catherine’s prepared to take her.”

Early on, it certainly looked like the advertised beat-down. Economical, precise and powerful--Zeta Jones hurt Barton early with that underrated short right cross and spent the rest of the round attacking Mischa’s long, girlish torso. Barton looked a complete amateur: feet together, pushing out punches with nothing behind them, getting named repeatedly head and body as Jones placed shots with cracking leverage--it only seemed a matter of when and how, not if, CJZ would halt her outgunned foe.

But the second round showed why Jones’ critics couldn’t be dismissed. In total control, Zeta J started to take her girl for granted, walking into Mischa’s scrubbing, pushing lefts and rights, and making a bit of a puncher out of the kid. Barton made the most of it, rubbing Jones’ face raw while bounding along the perimeter of the ring and sure enough: Jones went slightly wobbly butt in the second minute,. Forced to step out and regroup. It would set the pattern for the rest of the night.

The third was another Jones whitewash, with Catherine slicing in from angles, stepping close to carry short, thumping blows into Barton, tagging her jaw hooks and crosses--Mischa’s leggy frame reeled and yawed around the ring and once again the knockout seemed imminent, But the following round--Jones’ arrogance would betray her as Barton found crisscross lefts and rights against the face and breasts, at first stacking Jones up, then actually driving her back to put brunette ropeside, Barton’s gangly delivery ribbed her of consistent pop on every punch, but once in a while she’d get it together and rock Jones a lanky uppercut or swinging hook, putting a little wear on that proud Welsh chin. After 4, Catherine Zeta Jones bled from the nose and looked like she’d been dragged hair-first across apartment carpet: Barton was holding her own and then some in what had become an ugly, surprisingly entertaining slugfest. Barton added the 5th to her collection of rounds by maintaining distance and to the shock of every CZJ fan in the arena, Miss Barton took the lead in the second half of the fight.

In the end it was not to be, Jones shook off her stupor, attacked with vigor, made her opponent miss and took her apart in a series of relentless assaults--the massacre finally developed as promised. Indeed, the final round stands as one of Jones’ most thorough and cruel: Barton swayed out on her feet at the ropes, eyes shut, mouth pouting wetly as punches crashed again and again against her beautiful features. Jones took her time, palming Barton’s shoulders, keeping her wide open and helpless--Mischa’s skull lolled forward and back, arms reaching out limp as Jones pounded away at the dregs. Mischa Barton went down for the first and last time in the final minute of the 7th, suffering a savage mauling and showing undeniable heart in the process. Foe Jones, another heinous mismatch that proved far more exciting than it should have.

Reposted by Archer 11/16/11.