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21 December 2011 Jenny McCarthy vs Olivia Munn

Page history last edited by Archer844 12 years, 1 month ago

Jenny McCarthy 08.jpg Olivia Munn 06.jpg

CELEBRITY BOXING AFTER DARK: "SEASON'S BEATINGS"

Posted by Sceej Boxing on 12/21/2011, 11:40 am

McCarthy v Munn III: Once and for All – the Brawl for it all – fight is heavily hyped; two girls who are (ahem) minor celebs (at best) but with big big FCBA profiles. Contract signing has an electric atmosphere. Jenny and Olivia have this razor thin admiration/contempt relationship. Lots of similarities between them. Both very live athletic bodies – could doubtless be superb boxers but both brawlers at heart. Both very “nontraditional” celebrities – Olivia making her bones with “Attack of the Show”: Jenny with “Playmate of the Year” and “Singled Out”. Both with bigger fan followings than their modest celebrity would suggest; fight fans appreciate that there will be no dull “chess match” when these two are involved!

Big smiles from Jenny and Olivia at contract signing but also plenty of cutting remarks.
Jenny at podium, “No one believes me but I actually like the kid! She’s a punk who doesn’t respect anyone … that remind you of anybody? (Jenny winks to those in the press who recall the late 90s Jenny McCarthy). She’ll be champ some day … bet on that … but Olli baby, right now, you are the wrong girl in the wrong place at the wrong time! Cuz Mac the Knife has something to prove! But just to show there’s no hard feelings … I’ll let you choose … you want me to leave you face down or tits up?” (Jenny biting Olli’s line from the last weigh in).

Olli Munn at podium, lots of poison pill “compliments” to Jenny, probably says the word “veteran” ten times!

“… and just to show its not personal …. and I know I am a little late …”, as Olivia talks … Tech reps are wheeling out …. a huge birthday cake(?),”… November 1st was Jenny’s birthday and I just wanted to acknowledge that and …”
Jenny’s face morphs from confusion to smile to glower as she realizes what’s going on and eyes focus on the big “4-0” in the middle of the cake. For the record, Jenny turned thirty nine – not forty.

Fight night and it’ Britney Spears sitting in with Jenny O’Dell to cover this edition of CBAD as the usual color commentator, Jenny McCarthy” is one of the principles in the main event.

Jenny O’Dell: “And just about time for our main event of evening … McCarthy v. Munn III … Mac the Knife versus the Munnster … sounds like it ought to be on Chiller Theater, not Boxing after Dark! Sitting in for my usual broadcast partner is Hall of Famer Britney Spears. So Brit, how do you see this one shaking out?”

Britney Spears: “Tough one to call, Jenny. They’ met twice … each has a knockout win but Olivia’s is a lot more recent. Style wise they are similar. McCarthy’s clearly the better boxer WHEN she chooses to box. Olivia Munn has this ‘force of nature’ thing going where she sometimes just overwhelms an opponent with sheer punching volume. Tempting to say it boils down to youth versus experience”

Jenny O’Dell: “There are a couple of back stories at work here too, Brit. Olivia Munn is this close to a shot at the bantam title; a lot of people think it was a mistake to take this fight. She can’t afford a hiccup. From Mac’s point of view, well, it’s no secret that she’s steamed about the latest bantam rankings which saw her fall to nineteenth. All of the antics at the press conference aside, she DID just turn thirty nine and a lot of good boxing people are wondering if the Poppy Montgomery fight was the start of the decline for her. We all face it some day … and I can tell you from personal experience that sometimes it’s the fighter who’s last to recognize it!”

Britney Spears: “Olivia Munn in the ring … black bikini … white boots … black gloves … hair in pony tail … looking very impatient and McCarthy is icing her … making her wait … smart veteran move …”

Jenny O’Dell: “And right on cue …. there’s Mister Bobby Darin … crooning about how the shark bites … Jenny McCarthy making way to ring with Sceej Boxing … head trainer Scrubby McGee … lightweight contender Adrianne Palicki … and Big Bad Gena Lee Nolin … McCarthy protégé Carrie Prejean conspicuously absent … fighting in Mexico, we’re told … and there’s the disrobe … McCarthy just so toned in her trademark red bikini … I tell you, Brit, thirty nine or not, that woman is not losing any fights during the disrobe! Jenny over to far side of ring … Front Street Boxing in the house and Jenny is … errrrr …. exchanging “holiday wishes” with Neve Campbell … Nichole Scherzinger …. Grace Park … and that “Man in the Hat” is just smiling serenely!”

Britney: “Girls to the center of ring … getting instructions … McCarthy smirking … Munn looking very icy … bit uncharacteristic for her … did Jenny get under her skin … ref orders to touch ‘em up and wow, does Olivia touch em up! Slamming gloves down on Jenny’s”

Posted by Sceej Boxing on 12/21/2011, 11:52 am

Round 1: BLITZKRIEG!!! Jenny McCarthy fairly sprinting out of corner … jab jab and then big right handstuns Olivia Munn. McCarthy pops hips right for torque and left hooks the ribs and then brings hook up to chin. Munn is stunned … looks to slip out of corner and McCarthy pushed her back in knuckles on shoulders … left right left combination to ribs … right hand lead to head snaps Munn’s neck back. Left uppercut to sternum guts Munn. Crowd roaring … announcers beside selves!
Britney: “… left right left McCarthy … Munn is hurt … she’s hurt …. lead right McCarthy … Munn ready to go … reaching … grabbing … Munn clinching in desperation … referee trying to separate … McCarthy violently trying to get hands loose …”

O’Dell: “Stunning … absolutely stunning opening minute … and Britney, help me out with this but I don’t know if I have EVER seen Olivia Munn clinch before? Jenny McCarthy is just looking to bum rush her right out of this ring and right out of this fight and Olivia Munn is holding on for dear life… and the referee CANNOT get these girls untangled! McCarthy going wild flailing but Olivia Munn is one of the strongest girls in the FCBA at ANY weight!”

Britney: “Munn’s being smart here … trying to steal seconds to clear her head …”

O’Dell: “ … referee trying to pry girls apart … AND THEIR HEADS CRASH TOGETHER … McCarthy just out of control trying to get hands free … that maybe looked intentional, Brit? And the ref is walking Jenny to the center of ….”

Britney: “He’s gonna take a point, Jenny!”

O’Dell: “You’re right, Britney … referee is deducting a point … and J-Mac arguing with him … and all this time Olivia Munn is in her corner with her elbows on the ropes just TRYING to get a second wind …”

Britney: “Jenny needs to shut up and get back to work! Usually, you only get one chance to go all in and she’s blowing it by giving Munn this long break …”

Back to the action and Munn still in her own corner but no longer straight up … crouching … McCarthy storms back and bangs right left up top but Munn guard holds firm … and Olivia Munn erupts out of crouch with big left hook that tags blonde chin! Jenny fires back with left hook behind Olivia elbow then twists into uppercut that grazes the Munnster’s chin. Munn fires back with left right to the body … then rings up Jenny with her own right uppercut ! Jenny stumbles back a step and for the first time fight is outside of the Munn corner. Munn crouching … weaving forward … Jenny spitting jabs but not holding canvas …. center ring, Jenny digs back foot into canvas and fires overhand right … Munn slips right and lands counter left hook right on the button and …

O’Dell: “McCarthy down! Big counter left hook from Munn and Jenny McCarthy drops to one knee … referee has to body Munn back to neutral corner and picks up the count …”

Britney: “Jenny up at six but that was no flash knockdown … she’s rattled … and we still have a minute and half left in this first round …”

O’Dell: “ … and here comes the Munnster!!! Olivia Munn like a bull in a china closet … out of that corner … McCarthy backpeddling but legs not there … “

Britney: “See that, Jenny? McCarthy just dropped right hand lead on Olli but there’s nothing on it! Munn walking through the punch! That’s the risk you run when you go all in and don’t take a girl out … Jenny’s running on an empty tank.”

Olli Munn bobbing way in past McCarthy jab … plants head on J-Mac chests and methodically backs blonde up with superior leg drive until back touches ropes . Olivia Munn sets up office and goes to work. Digs left hand to pit of stomach … follows with left uppercut to sternum … Munn bumps her back with shoulder to bounce her off ropes and into overhand right which crashes off temple! McCarthy reaching to clinch … Munn crouches … pops hips right and double up left hook behind right elbow … drawing first a grunt … then a yelp of pain from battered blonde … Munn erupts from crouch with right uppercut and McCarthy staggers one step to her left and drops to all fours …. Munn glaring down … “Stay down … you’re finished!” …. few seconds left on clock … bell rings but Jenny still not up … at seven gets to one knee and on feet at nine … referee looking to check her shunted aside by Scrubby McGee who has carried stool and bucket into ring and working on Jenny near mid ring!

Britney: “Wow … that first minute seems like a long time ago! Its all about Olli Munn, Jenny. That’s a 10-7 round with the point deduction!”

O’Dell: “Could be a 10-6 round with the point, Brit, but I am thinking we will never see the judge’s cards on this one! Sceej Boxing corner really needs to consider stopping this one now.”

Britney: “They’re gonna let it go, Jenny. There’s a lot on the line and the one thing that’s consistent about J-Mac is her inconsistency. A comeback is not impossible but she burned a LOT of energy in that first round.”

Round 2: Frantic corner work has Jenny able to past referee’s harsh look and continue. Palicki with wounded look of concern icing Mac’s neck while Scrubby McGee screeching “On yer toes, Jenny Mac! Dis goil’s gonna come at you like a train … you wait … you slip to da side … and ya keep dat jab in her face til she t’inks it’s a part of her nose!”. Munn standing in corner … refusing stool …using gloved fist to lead chants of “… Olli … Olli … Olli …”

Bell for round 2. Munn out of corner with mitts at chin forming inverted V … Tyson like. Jenny McCarthy ignoring corner and heading right into the Munnster’s lair! Jenny with jab as range finder … looking to time straight right hand; Munn rolling shoulders to take snap off the jab and looking to back her blonde up. McCarthy stands ground mid ring … and let loose the hounds of hell … both girls trading hard leather … fans rising to their feet collectively … “… Jenny … Jenny … Jenny …” rising in volume to challenge the “Olli” chant … for thirty long seconds they trade … volume even … but weight of shot tipping scales to Olivia Munn. McCarthy skips back two steps and disengages … at another time an innocuous move but here it looks very very telling!

Britney: “… blazing two way action continues … and now McCarthy backs off!”

O’Dell: “Right you are, Brit, and the Munnster smells blood in the water! Munn forward in the crouch … McCarthy trying to fend off with the jab but Munn blocking with forearms … slipping punches … and flat out walking through the jab. Bangs Mac to the body with both hands … bodies up and walks her to the ropes … and Olivia Munn breaks out the baseball bat! Heavy thudding impact ... rolls hips right and whacks hook behind right elbow … then pops left to take her blonde behind the left elbow … “

J-Mac looks to spin off ropes and Olivia just pushes her back on … all big girl … body shots have Jenny cringing and leaning forward … Munn gets all up and under with her shoulder and just pries J-Mac upright to expose those choice ribs. BEATDOWN!!! Olivia Munn lets hands go … bashing lefts and rights to McCarthy midriff … occasional clanging hook off the head … only pauses it to knuckle up and reset the blonde … or shove and slug … bounce her into cables then lambast her to body … Jenny takes a knee … looks eerily like she is genuflecting before Munn …

Britney: “… just too much Munn! Jenny takes a knee and probably should have done so thirty seconds ago .. could have saved herself a lot of wear and tear … Munn with dismissive swatting motion as she strides off to far corner …”

O’Dell: “Jenny to her feet but she’s hurting at eight … but she’s not straightening up and that tells me she’s cramping up from the body shots …”

Olivia Munn with determined focused look , dukes at her chin. Ref signals and here comes Munn … no excessive haste … McCarthy tries to move off ropes but Olivia meets her and gets arms up under Jenny’s and walks blonde back …

Britney: “McCarthy can’t hold canvas … Munn too strong!”

When McCarthy’s back reaches ropes, Munn sets her and begins buffeting … not the big shots but cumulative … shoulders … ribs … temple … lefts and rights … Jenny Mac just absorbing. Bell ends round 2. Munn forces eye contac.t “You’re finished, you got thatt? Don’t come back out!”

“F-F*ck you …” Jenny ever eloquent in response.

Round 3 – Scrubby McGee talking stoppage, Mac won’t have it – act of sheer defiant will and she is up off the stool. From across the ring, Olivia Munn eyeing her blonde … like a Doberman eyeing a Porterhouse! Jenny shuffles to mid ring, tries to work jab but aching ribs have the jab coming short. Munn crouching but not even bothering with head movement … just wants to get under blonde shoulders and walk her back. At ropes, Munn squares up, knuckles on Jenny’s shoulders to stabilize then suddenly shifts hips right, dips and sinks left hook deep behind McCarthy elbow. Little yelp of pain from Jenny Mac. Munn going shove and slug … using shoulder bumps to bounce blonde off the cables and into oncoming shots … hooks to the head and body. McCarthy in guard but punches are plowing through. Munn doubles that left hook to liver drawing groan from Mac … and a belated knee. Munn glares “Stay down!” and ref in to body Olli off.

O’Dell: “… McCarthy up at eight. No effort to move off ropes …”

Britney: “… legs aren’t there, Jen!”

Munn back on McCarthy … bludgeoning body attack folding McCarthy over … shapely butt protruding through ropes …

O’Dell: “… left to the head … right to the sternum … left to the ribs … five … six … seven unanswered shots … there’s the bell and … oh my god … the Grand Wizard of Boxing just SWATTED Jenny McCarthy’s butt with a program!”

Britney: “… uhm … the mic picked up some of that. Appears the Wiz said he PAID for his ringside seat and Jenny should find her own place to watch the fight?”

O’Dell: “Frankly, I don’t think Jenny even felt it … not with the battering she took that round! This is getting very very lopsided very very fast … I have it 30 – 22 Olivia Munn after three rounds! Brit?”

Britney: “I got 30-23 … 10 – 7 first round and then back to back 10-8’s. This is getting a little tough to watch, Jen.”

O’Dell: “Sceej corner working frantically … ice on the neck … they need something dramatic or they need to stop this thing. I know a little about Jenny McCarthy! She’s stubborn as a mule but she is getting mauled in there … oh … and we have a special guest, ladies and gentlemen! Joining us from our UK feed is bantamweight contender Kate Beckinsale! Kate, your thoughts so far?”

Kate Beckinsale: “Disappointed, Miss O'Dell! I was led to believe this would be a boxing match … and I have seen precious little that could be called 'boxing'. To be sure, Miss Munn has been effective. Crude but effective. Like watching a young inexperienced lioness clumsily taking down a plodding aged buffalo cow!As for Miss McCarthy, she has provided only an uninspiring mimicry of a heavy bag on legs!”

O’Dell: “Diplomatic as always … thanks for your thoughts, Kate, and it appears we ARE going to have at least one more round!”

Round 4: Munnster on a mission! No more measured response … here comes the storm! Olivia across ring quickly … and throws the big overhand right like a sash weight! McCarthy able to slip … and counter! Little left right combo startles the brunette. Munn back to the attack … center ring … letting both hands go to the body … McCarthy backing up … looks to clinch … girls wrestling center ring …

O’Dell: “Munn’s hurt! Munn’s hurt! Munn’s hurt! Body shot by J-Mac!”

Britney: “Check the replay, Jenny! That’s a low blow!”

Replay confirms as McCarthy spins Munn with veteran savvy to shield from ref and then sinks left uppercut … bullseye on Olli Munn’s crotch! Munn pale … staggering back …

O’Dell: “Big uppercut! Jenny McCarthy! This thing may have turned! Munn’s head snapped back and she is on wobbly legs, Brit!!”

Britney: “Jenny Mac’s letting her hands go and she just tagged Munn with a left hook to the temple! And there’s a eft right to the ribs … McCarthy coming on … hurting her girl …“

O’Dell: “… and now its Olivia Munn with righteous fury! Left right to the head and McCarthy stumbles a half step back … girls close together and trading … both girls hurt … both wobbling … and just at the bell … savage right uppercut to the sternum bends McCarthy over … and Munn swats the back of her head with open glove … ref is in there ...”

Britney: “Ref has got to do better than that! Got to be there to break them when its near end of round! You need to anticipate that these two girls are gonna brawl after the bell!”

O’Dell: “… and the Sceej corner has new life! I gotta give that round to McCarthy! Maybe … just maybe this thing has turned …”

Britney: “I’d give her the round too, Jenny … well, actually no because I saw the foul … but check the Munn corner … Olivia’s standing … still looks pretty fresh to my eyes …”

Round 5: Both girls to center ring … guards high … stalking …. McCarthy trying to work behind jab but again that early body work has her wincing when she extends. Olivia Munn in crouch … looking to slip and hook. McCarthy feigns jab and bangs right hand lead off top of the Munn skull … follows with left to ribs .. left hooks up top, partially blocked … and right hand off Munn jaw. Munn shakes head and smiles … McCarthy back with the jab/overhand right combination right skids off the brunette guard. Munn drops hands to side and sticks out chin … inviting shot …

Britney: “… and McCarthy takes the bait! Jenny Mac with left right left combination to Munn head but Munn answers back a left to sternum … rattles J-Mac … then pops hips left and sinks right hook to McCarthy flank … Jenny gives ground … and there is Munn … bullying the bully … hands on shoulders and walking her back to ropes … and not a damn think Jenny McCarthy can do about it at this point! Just not enough legs left!”

And Olivia Munn takes Jenny McCarthy on a guided tour of HELL! Pops hips right, arches back for torque and buries the left hook to the liver, drawing a deep moan from her blonde. Bumps Mac with shoulder to reset and hooks the ribs again. McCarthy trying to fold forward but Munn all up in her business, gets shoulder under Jenny’s chest and levers her upright … just pounding that ribcage … McCarthy cringing … Munn bouncing her into cables to keep her off balance and to reset herself …

And Munn wants jug! Munn wants jug! !! Sudden violent display of blazing hand speed as Playmate rack sloshes back and forth under mitts of Olli Munn … speed-bagging one of the legendary racks in the FCBA! Half step back, Olli resets and pancakes Jenny’s left tit with straight right hand. McCarthy frozen on stiff legs … start to tilt down and is LIFTED almost out of her shoes with right uppercut that telescopes neck. Jenny pitches forward and Munn blows a kiss down … winks at Wizard as she sashays to neutral corner … winner by a knockout …
… except ….

O’Dell: “… six … seven ... eight … she’s up! McCarthy beat the count! Unbelievable!”

Britney: “She’s showing heart, Jen, I’ll give her that … but check out Olivia Munn! That girl is pissed! They need to stop this thing …”

Munn roars out of neutral corner … left upper cut … McCarthy swooning … big right hand crashes off temple … McCarthy stumbles but still up … referee looking hard … ringsiders roaring … Front Street on its feet cheering … and there’s the towel! Adrianne Palikci from Sceej Boxing corner throws in the towel … Munn either does not see or does not care?!! Twists body into left uppercut right to the McCarthy chin just as referee grabs from behind. J-Mac puddles at Munn’s feet … winner by TKO in the fifth Olivia “the Munnster” Munn!!!

Posted by Sceej Boxing on 12/21/2011, 12:28 pm

O’Dell: “Wow … just wow! That was just … destruction! And you have to wonder what Elisha Cuthbert is thinking about climbing in to defend her belt against THAT kind of power! And we are joined ringside by the great Neve Campbell! Hi Neve, quite a fight, eh …”

Neve: “… nineteen … twenty … twenty one …
twenty two … twenty three ...”

O’Dell: “Errrr, Neve? We’re on the air here?”

Neve: “ … thirty … thirty one … thirty two … thirty three … thirty four …”

O’Dell: “Neve?”

Neve: “… thirty nine … forty … forty one … and … she’s up! Forty one seconds, folks! Just wanted to make the count official … forty one seconds … that’s how long it took to get the “Greatest Fighting Playmate of All Time” back on her feet! And that’s with smelling salts … and McGee, Palicki and Nolin lifting her!”

Back in the ring, Olivia Munn beaming as they cut the gloves off … McCarthy on stool … ice on her neck … McGee cutting the gloves .. . Palicki fretting … Nolin shaking head ... and here comes the Munnster! Swaggering across the ring, she wants tribute! Reaches past protesting corner, grabs a handful of blonde hair and jacks the blonde’s left wrist behind the back in a hammerlock for control.

“Let’s take a walk, Blondie!” she chortles in Playmate’s ear (but not much evidence Jenny’s hearing much of anything at this point). Adrianne Palicki starts into ring but Gena Lee Nolin’s strong hand on her shoulder, “Down, kid, calm down! It’s part of the game. Jenny’s walked planet girls in her time too. It’s just just not her night.”

Jenny McCarthy taken on a stumbling incoherent Walk of Shame. Munn even pauses her blonde before Front Street Boxing row.

“Say ‘Hi Front Street! Hi Wizard’”, she playfully cues the dazed Playmate, and J-Mac dutifully mindlessly repeats “Hi, Fron … Stree … Wizzzzz ...”

“Hope you brought your checkbook?”, Munn grins at the Grand Wizard.

O’Dell: “Brit … uhm … why don’t you explain to our viewers at home the whole ‘Walk of Shame’ phenomenon?”

Britney: “Well, Jen … it really started with the models boxing ... Victoria's Secret type stuff ... and kind of took off. It’s a way of putting your scent on a girl so she wont come back for revenge. Make her KNOW she's been really really beat! A lot of times, a girl loses … even loses bad … and she is raring for a rematch. And that can be dangerous for a winner … she’s had a chance to see your stuff up close and personal in the ring. When you walk a girl … you humble her … you humiliate her … when a girl’s been walked, they are a lot less likely to want to go anywhere NEAR that girl who beat her anytime soon!”

O’Dell: “Brit, I’m being told that we have our broadcast partner, Tess Valmore in the ring … with the winner, Olivia Munn. Up to you, Tess!”

HBO suits shocked to see an uncomfortable looking Tess Valmore standing beside Olivia Munn … who is STILL holding a very dazed Jenny McCarthy.

Tess: “I’m here with Olivia Munn … great win, Olivia. So what’s next? Is it Cuthbert for the belts?”

Olivia: “Oh yeah … definitely … Cuthbert has no other option! And I’m calling on the boxing fans and press to get involved in this because Elisha is looking to duck me! Not gonna happen! She wants to call herself FCBA bantamweight champion, she has GOT to deal with Olivia Munn!”

Tess: “Tell us about the knockout tonight …”

Olivia: “Well … I could … but I think we got someone here who’s more qualified to discuss the knockout, doncha’ think? (gesturing with her head toward the groggy Jenny McCarthy) Why don’t you ask her?”

Tess: “Errrrrr … Jenny? Any thoughts on the knockout?”

Jenny squints, eyes having trouble focusing, then slight glimmer of recognition, “Oh … hi Tess … (reporter visibly aware something is very very wrong – it is the first time Jenny McCarthy has addressed her as anything but ‘Walmart’) … uhm … the knockout? I knocked her out? Yay! … uhm … well … as you know, Tess, boxing is known as the sweet science … and … uhm …. they call boxing the sweet science … and … uhm ...because the valence of her electrons can't match the overwhelming nephrons of my quickness … I just knocked her out …”

Tess (shaken): “Oh God … she thinks she won?!! Uh, I think we need the ring doc up here? Stat.”

(off camera voice) “Geez, she’s … she’s still loopy! She’s speakin’ in tongues! Cut … cut … get the camera off Tess!!! Get me O’Dell and Spears! No … forget it … dump it … dump the whole thing … get me ‘Swan Lake’ … now!”