Posted by Simguy on 3/30/2007, 7:26 am.

Before: Li’l vixens taking turns beating each other senseless--rubber match in the most recent series between the two promises to be a thriller. “I end Virginie in this one,” Thandie promises, eyes flashing. “I won’t let her finish. Truthfully, I’ll barely let her START!” Technetium shocking Virginie and all assembled with a special swimsuit presentation at the first press conference: none other than Claudine Auger herself (Miss France, Bond girl in 1965’s “Thunderball”) sashays on stage to kiss Ledoyen’s starstruck cheek and unveil the classic battle suit (rented for this occasion for an undisclosed, but reportedly vast sum). Ledoyen welling up--instantly made to feel prettier and more confident than her rival as a result of the Bond mystique: Newton crossing her arms, gnashing her teeth--she’s made to feel very much the ugly stepsister with only her Mission Impossible/poor men’s Bond pedigree to fall back on. Fight takes place at Pinewood Studios (Britain’s largest soundstage--set-designed to look a fabulous fighting parlour from the 60s, complete with tiered-booth seating, plush red velvet cushions etc). Newton in black bra style bikini top, leopard print bottoms, hair topknotted so as to tumble down her back. Virginie in the black/white tiger-striped bikini from “Thunderball” (tailored to fit her slender frame, bra-style top), hair also topknotted off her face. Both vixens sported small, dark Mink-pelted boxing mittens: promotes bruising, but discourages cutting.

During R1: Virginie aggressively at Thandie, hurling in brawny rights and lefts as Newton twists side to side, slipping and blocking, mink mittens thud-and-skid on contact with Thandie’s brow or cheekbones--she’s beaten to apron, clinching as soon as her back hits ropes. After ref’s break--Virginie back on top with a wide, sidearm right to Thandie’s left flank; hook to Thandie’s mouth: Newton looking startled, roughed up as she shoes away from tic-toc punches. Thandie finding her groove late--slide-stepping to her right, timing Virginie, then leaning in supple to fetch Ledoyen right hands under her left eye--Newton bending low to slip receipts while scoring flush.

R2: Virginie still swinging, but she telegraphing: sharpshooting Newton takes advantage. Thandie crouching, sl9ding back from Ledoyen aggression, walking Virginie onto the jab, then NAILING her stern bright hands straight on the mouth, Ledoyen stumbling forward all hurt, reaches to wrap around Thandie’s waist: Newton backpedaling in good order, batting her mitts straight-arm, against Virginie’s exposed ribs thumping away, then turning to spin Virginie off balance into ropes, TORRID pounce, Newton--she;s on Virginie with savage lather--whaling lefts and rights from a wide stance as poor Ledoyen covers up. Terrible punches lash across Ledoyen’s exposed lower back when she leans forward: French legs shimmy, but don’t give way as Virginie bravely absorbs punishment. Down the stretch--Ledoyen on her heels, back to ropes, but slugging desperately back--WILD two-way wallop as girls just flail away to bell. Several facial strikes put both girls wobbly butt and staring at the bell--crowd roaring to their feet at the sight of gamine bodies trembling, gamine legs quivering.

R#: Teeth bared--girls tilt at each other like it’s a joust, not a boxing match. Thandie clobbering Virginie with swinging rights and lefts to the cheekbones, belting Ledoyen off balance. Ledoyen stumbling, then righting herself, whaling back underneath with supple lefts and rights rising into Newton’s ribcage, buckling Thandie’s knees. Newton joins in the body-batting: torso leaning forward, arms almost straight as her limbs churn against Ledoyen’s hated ribs. Breathtaking exchanges sees the girls stumble around the entire ring--one vixen dishing, then the other: mink mittens thudding and skidding off bone. Midway through, wild melee sees Virginie easing weight to her late, clipped clean--SHE’S HURT! Ledoyen rejigs her feet, leans in to clap a huge midring, Thandie stooping forward shabby behind her mitts, knees a-knocking hand away from Thandie’s face and VIRGINIE’S POUNDING AWAY RIGHTY! Crowd gasping at the brutality--Ledoyen just standing there, smashing short right hands again and again to Newton’s cheek/jaw as T’andie’s paralyzed, too shocked to do anything but soak. Holding the wrist, jamming away, Virginie beats a staring Newton to her knees in heartbreaking slow motion. Even when Thandie’s kneeling there, eyelashes fluttering--Virginie keeps hold of that left wrist, keeps pounding those right hand home with minky thumps--punching at her downed opponent until ref pulls her off. Newton completely out of it, lips parted. Body trembling--she sinks back onto her haunches all groggy and punished: Ledoyen’s the TKO3 victrix.

After: Elation in the Ledoyen corner--she savages her rival tonight, hammering out decisive victory that leaves Newton blubbering and shabby on her stool. Virginie drawing on the Bond Girl mystique, infused with the power of Augers tiger suit--TU masterstroke of motivation given Ledoyen the slugging edge tonight. Virginie heartless in victory, pulling a weepy Newton to her feet and tugging her out for a strutting walk of shame, Thandie sniveling, trying to turn her face into Ledoyen’s shoulder to hide, but Virginie won’t have it--constantly fretting and jostling with Newton to display her properly. Virginie flaunting her victory at Naomi Watts, Penelope Cruz and Sienna Miller in attendance, making sure they each get a good long look at ruined Newton during the walk.

Reposted by 12/28/11.