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31 December 2011 Kesha vs Joss Stone

Page history last edited by Archer844 12 years ago

Kesha 01.jpg Joss Stone.jpg

'SEASON'S BEATINGS AT THE ASYLUM" PPV

(Site: The Asylum Arena. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)

Posted by Results By Sim/Words By Wiz on 12/31/2011, 7:48 pm

BEFORE:

"I'm absolute poison for Ke$ha," says a smiling Joss. "She's all brawling and wild swinging. She can't box. But I CAN, and I will. I'll lump her up, wear her down, and take her out. Watch and see!"

"Yeah. Joss has been doing a lot of talking pre-fight, and that's probably a good idea," says Ke$ha, holding up her left fist. "Because Wiz calls THIS 'The Hammer Of Thor'. And when it lands, Joss won't be in any condition to do any POST-fight talking."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Back at ringside and that little tune is called 'Karma' and here comes its singer, the long, lovely Joss Stone!"

McCarthy: "I keep hearing about how Stone's quick and has length and has been showing she can box on the European club circuit, but how good can she be? She lost to Jewel!"

Tess: "Who's also beaten YOU..."

McCarthy: "You and your little friend Scerbo, TOO, Walmart. BOTH of you!"

O'Dell(sighing): "And Joss drops the robe, revealing a white bikini...and there is the familiar 'Tik-Tok' booming over the sound system, and here comes Ke$ha!"

McCarthy: "Stone has this kid pegged, Just a brawler. Needs training, but not going to get it among the Dancing Hookers at Front Street..."

Tess: "Again, says the woman with ZERO training wins..."

McCarthy: "Shut it, Walmart!"

O'Dell: "And we're getting an Old West showdown here, as Ke$ha drops the robe to reveal a black bikini. It's good girl Joss in white and bad girl Ke$ha in black. Mac, got a prediction for us?"

McCarthy: "I think Stone has a shot here. If what we've seen on tape of Stone fighting in Europe can be believed, she can outbox Ke$ha no question. If she can avoid the big punch, she can and will win."

O'Dell: "There's the bell for the first and Ke$ha moving forward on the attack. Joss looking to stick and move, jab and circle. Ke$ha working her way forward in an organized fashion. Not the wild swinging stuff we've seen early in her other fights."

McCarthy: "That's the good news. Bad news is, she's not getting off much. Joss able to stick and move. Using that long left jab to keep Ke$ha at bay, and using those legs to get out of dodge after she lands."

O'Dell: "Ke$ha looking to locate with that right jab. She's finding the range here and there but Joss not hanging around long enough to let her follow up. Big K not able to put punches together. Stone lands a couple of jabs, ducks a left hand counter, dances to open canvas."

McCarthy: "This is an excellent game plan Stone's people have put together. Kid's got reach and quick hands. Put that together you can cause trouble for people."

O'Dell: "And Stone's doing a bit of that right now. Lands a nice one-two at the bell, and I think Joss got the first stanza, Mac."

McCarthy: "Sure did."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Ke$ha getting words of encouragement and advice from Jewel and Britney, who are running the Front Street corner tonight with Neve in action later."

Tess: "Some folks may not know this, Jenny, but Britney and Ke$ha are pretty close. In fact, Ke$ha co-wrote Britney's hit ' 'Til The World Ends'."

McCarthy: "How can we let this woman on the broadcast? She's WAY too close to Front Street and can't POSSIBLY be impartial..."

Tess: "Pot. Kettle."

O'Dell: "Aaaaannnddd Brit has a few last words for Ke$ha and there's the bell for round two. Ke$ha stalking. Joss circling, using the legs, lands a couple of jabs and bounces away. Big K sticking that right hand out. Finding the range with it some in this round."

McCarthy: "Kid's got the big left locked and loaded, but keeping it in the holster for the moment. Very patient. Working forward. Landing the right in spots."

O'Dell: "Joss being effective herself. Able to score and then move, avoiding counters. This is a better Joss Stone than we saw in her fight against Jewel, Mac."

McCarthy: "Well, she's going up against someone around her own experience level, so that helps, but, yes, Stone does look a lot better, not that it would take much considering she didn't win a round against a third-tier fighter like Jewel..."

Tess: "Who, again, beat YOU..."

McCarthy: "AGAIN, shut it, Walmart!"

O'Dell: "Ke$ha double pumps that big right hand. Joss out of town quickly. Not setting up. Continuing to move. Flicking out that left as she does so. This is not the girl who tried slugging with Jewel. She's clearly a different kind of fighter now, and perhaps a more effective one. Stone with a flurry. Ke$ha caught most of that on the gloves. Joss again circles away. Big K pumps that right home. That's the bell. Not much in it, Mac."

McCarthy: "I'd call that one a draw. With a round that close, though, you never know how the judges will see it."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "Third round underway now and Big K working forward again, patient. Stalking. Joss moving, legging, snapping jabs. Ke$ha finding the range with that hard right jab, hooks the body with the left there before Joss can get out of town. Stone waiting, Ke$ha forward behind the jab. Joss a couple of quick lefts, but Ke$ha blocks, lands a hook to the body again as Joss squirts away right."

McCarthy: "I'm gonna give Ke$ha credit. She's fighting smart. Staying patient. Getting into good spots, then punching. None of the wild stuff we'd been seeing from her."

O'Dell: "Stone a flurry there! A couple landed, but Ke$ha went back to the body in counter and Joss wasn't going to hand around for more of that. Ke$ha cutting the ring off better now, lands a solid right-left. Stone keeping the hands up, keeping the head moving, slipping to open canvas behind a snapping left jab. Ke$ha stalking her again now. Lands a right, hooks the lats with the left. Stone circles away. Bell. What do you think, Mac?"

McCarthy: "Ke$ha's round. Best of the fight for her. Got it all knotted on the cards, 29-29."

ROUND FOUR:

O'Dell: "On to the fourth now, and the pattern well established. Joss moving, Big K stalking. Stone using a lot of movement now, Mac, side to side, circling, head, feet, hands. Constant motion. Ke$ha staying patient. Using the long right jab to locate. Joss not allowing Ke$ha to set up. Snapping jabs as she moves."

McCarthy: "Some cagey, slick stuff from Stone in this round. All angles and wrong footing Ke$ha. Not allowing the Front Streeter to put punches together. This is not the same girl who fought Jewel."

O'Dell: "You could say the same thing about Ke$ha. Staying patient, stalking, working to get into position. Looking to hook off the jab. Joss lands a long left hand. Ke$ha lands a counter right hand, and Stone slips aside before Big K can follow up."

McCarthy: "Stone not getting all that much done offensively, but defensively, she's very sound. Ke$ha no wasted energy, though. Keeping the left mostly at the ready. Working with the right jab for most of her points."

O'Dell: "There's the bell. What do you think, Mac?"

McCarthy: "I scored that one even. And, we're getting to the point in this fight where neither fighter can trust the cards. I've got it 39-39, but all four rounds were close enough that a judge might see them differently. You could think you're ahead and be a couple of points behind."

ROUND FIVE:

O'Dell: "Into the fifth now, and, Mac, I wonder, does the advantage shift to Stone the longer this thing goes?"

McCarthy: "You know, I'd have said so before the fight, Jenny, but now I'm not so sure. Ke$ha's not wearing herself out. Looks like she has plenty in the tank. So, no, I don't think that's the case."

O'Dell: "Ke$ha looking to cut the ring off on Joss, but Stone not allowing her to get it done. Able to find open canvas, landing that left, keeping Big K away."

McCarthy: "Joss trying to walk Ke$ha into something, but it's not happening. Big K showing nice discipline and much better defensive skills than we're used to seeing."

Tess: "Apparently Front Street DOES have some folks who can do some training..."

McCarthy(stunning everyone including herself by actually ignoring the jibe): "She's content to work the jab, land the occasional hook off it. She's not finding Stone all that much, but she's threatening, not allowing Joss to get off in bunches."

O'Dell: "Joss setting up only briefly, scores and scoots. Ke$ha coming forward in good order. Bangs the right home and that's it for number five. Flip a coin, Mac?"

McCarthy: "I don't think I've ever scored this many rounds even. 49-49 through five, but if I were in either corner, I'd be telling my girl she's BEHIND, because you've got to assume you ARE. You just can't tell what's on those cards."

ROUND SIX:

O'Dell: "Into the sixth now of a very close fight. Stone lands a couple of quick jabs, Ke$ha counters with a hook to the body and a hard straight right. Joss circles away. Ke$ha in pursuit, cutting off the ring, double taps the right, then hooks the body with the left. Joss ties up, referee gives her a break and she slips back to the center. Ke$ha finding the range again with the right, squaring up on the British beauty now. Walking her down, backing her up."

McCarthy: "Stone letting the hands go! Landing a couple of good...BIG LEFT HOOK, KE$HA! STONE STUMBLES BACK INTO THE ROPES!"

O'Dell: "Joss is hurt! Ke$ha going body along the ropes. Stone covering up, trying to...OH! THE HAMMER OF THOR LANDS! DOWN GOES JOSS! DOWN GOES JOSS! The big overhand left right on the chin! Joss not moving at all. Face down on the canvas. Referee's count at seven, eight, nine...IT'S OVER! THAT QUICKLY, IT'S OVER!"

McCarthy: "Let's check the replay on this, Jenny. Stone against the ropes, covering up, and Ke$ha lands a right hook to the ribs that brings down Joss' guard. Stone crouches down and here comes that left hand...BOOM! Right over Stone's glove. And Joss goes down boneless, puddles at Ke$ha's feet. Out. Done. The winner by KO6, Ke$ha!"

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring where Tess Valmore has our winner, Ke$ha!"

Tess: "Ke$ha, there was a lot of talk about us seeing a different Joss Stone tonight, and we did. But we saw a little different Ke$ha, too...though the result was the same..."

Ke$ha: "Well, I'm learning, you know? And I WANT to learn. I want to be a complete fighter, not just some wild brawler who relies on a big punch. Don't get me wrong, I've GOT the big punch, as Joss just found out, but I've got more than JUST the big punch. And I'm working hard on improving those other parts of my game. Wiz says I'm smart enough to know what I don't know. Well, here's what I DO know. I'm getting better and more dangerous every time out. The clock's running, ladies. Tik. Tok."