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1 January 2012 Year End Front Street Stable Review

Page history last edited by Archer844 12 years ago

Posted by Boxing World Online on 1/1/2012, 7:27 pm

Our reporter opens an email attachment and finds a video file. A smiling Avril says, "Since you were in no shape to come to work this morning, I'm doing you a favor. Here's video of the Annual Stable Review meeting. Wiz asked me to video it on a web cam and send it to you.

The scene switches to the office, with find The Man In The Hat behind his desk and the Crew plus Mariska relaxing in the recliners in front of it.

Man In The Hat: "About TIME you got here, Amilcar! We've already finished the Hour-Glass portion of our program. To recap, Shakira had an OK year and will be lookin' for better things in 2012. And Britney is well...Britney. And she will be lookin' to reclaim those straps this year. Now, before we move on to Front Street, Av, great job with the Asylum cards this year. Another sellout last night. Got the overnights and HBO is VERY pleased. Got cornered by Showtime last night. The suits want the Asylum package. Had ta tell 'em we got two years left on our deal with HBO. They wanna bid as soon as the negotiation _s.
But, this is Av's baby. She's makes the call. And she doesn't want to bid it. And she's right. We don't want to mess with this package. This goes to Showtime or somewhere else, we lose the announce team. They're all signed with HBO..."

Avril: "And the announce team is a big part of Asylum. We are staying on HBO. Period."

Man In The Hat: "We're also gonna stick with six to seven fights a card. No more. And, we're going to keep working deals with other stables to get managed fighters in here. Ain't that right, Av?"

Avril: "Let's just say I've already got negotiations started for January and I like where we're going."

Man In The Hat: "Now to the individual reports.

1. Amanda Seyfried, 'The Assassin'. 3-2. Lost to Witherspoon and Beth. Can't fault her for that. Those are top ten flys. Also, beat Clarkson. That was key. Clarkson's good. Better than people think. Amanda can compete at a high level and that fight and her draw with Beth last year proves it. She needs rounds. She'll get 'em. And let's buff those rough edges, shall we, ladies? Let's see if we can get some traction with the kid in 2012. Grade: B-"

The Man In The Hat pauses, clicks the mouse, then says,

"2. Jamie Lynn Spears. 'The Princess'. 3-2. Beat Lowndes, the best kid she fought this year. Lost two she shouldn't have, to Ashlee Simpson and Cyrus, although Miley is no tomato can. I keep saying this, ladies. This kid has the goods. She's 8-4 since she came here. She beat Song and Spearritt last year and those are very good kids. What we need, ladies, is consistency. She needs to take care of the girls she should take care of. It's the old pennant race theory. Break even with the good teams and pound lumps on the also-rans. This kid BEATS the good teams, but she's losin' fights she shouldn't. We need to spend 2012 correctin' this. Grade: C+"

More clicks, and then, a smile.

"3. Kristen Stewart. 'The Five-Tool Player. 5-0. 9-0 with seven knockouts since she came here. Kid's better every time she gets in the ring. She's got power, and she can box. And she's as smart as anybody we got here. We're gonna keep runnin' different challenges at the kid this year. Let her keep developin'. We ain't gonna rush her. But we ARE gonna push her. Grade: A."

More clicks.

"4. Kat Dennings. 'The Rack'. 1-0. Kid's got power. She's tough. She's also a project. We know this. But we also know the ability is there. 'The Next Danielle Fishel'. Except taller and stronger. 2012 will be all about development for Kat. Grade: C+."

More clicks and another smile.

"5. Allison Mack. 'Mack The Knife'. 5-0. AND she starched McCarthy in 36 seconds. This kid can be BRUTALLY efficient in there. She's deadly dangerous out of that crouch. There's not a kid at bantam I'd be afraid to put her in with. Not one. She's in position. She's in the middle of her prime. This year we're pushin' her at the top. Grade: A+.

6. Grace Park. 'The Korean Krusher'. 4-2. Took Dushku to 13 rounds. Disappointed me greatly against McCarthy. Then broke through against McAdams. She's dabbled at light, but I think she fits best at bantam. Kid's good enough to win the straps. Nobody's linin' up to give her a shot, that's for sure. In 2012, she's also bein' pushed at the top. She earned it. Grade: B."

7. Pink. 'The Queen.' 5-0. 9-0 since startin' this stable with me. Anything you wanna do this year, kid?"

Pink: "Keep sending me out there, Wiz. That's all."

Man In The Hat

: "Like I ain't gonna do that. Grade: A.

8. Nicole Scherzinger. 'The Hawaiian Hammer'. 4-1. Looked great against Witherspoon and dominating against Alba. Threw a clunker against Berry, but was number one contender before that. The one question about the kid was toughness. That's been answered. This is soundin' like a broken record, but, in 2012, we're pushin' her at the top. Grade: A-.

9. Jewel. 'The Mama Bear' 3-2. One of those was my fault. Shouldn't have sent you in against Stone givin' up that much size...Nah! Don't try to take the blame. My fault. I asked too much of you. Shouldn't have done that. Otherwise a very good year. Lost to Piper. Well. Piper's very good. What do you want to do this year, kid?"

Jewel: "I want to stay active. Not ready to hang them up just yet."

Man In The Hat(smiling): "Sounds good to me, kid. Now, I asked all of you to give each of the fighters a grade. Jewel, you underrate yourself, kid. 'C', my eye. Grade: B-. And that may be low. Again. Stone was MY fault.

10. Neve Campbell. 'The Body Snatcher'. 6-1. Went OT twice and gutted out wins both times. Minka's not the only Queen Of OT. Only loss was to Halle Freakin' Berry, whose job is apparently to make my life freakin' miserable. Great year, kid, What's the plan for 2012?"

Neve: "I want the straps back, Wiz. And, maybe dabble at light at little?"

Man In The Hat: "You're big and strong enough, kid, if that's what you want. Grade: A-.

11. Gemma Arterton. 'The Gravesend Gladiator'. 5-0. Beat Finnigan, who's very good. Beat Lively, who's better. Kid's won seven in a row, five by knockout. She's just 25, not even in her prime yet, and already top ten. In 2012, we WILL be pushing her at the top. Grade: A."

12. Brooklyn Decker. 'The 21st Century Goddess'...don't roll your eyes, ladies. I know. She thinks a lot of herself. Know who thinks almost as much of her as SHE does? Me. 7-1. Only loss? THERON. Beat Refaeli, Kurylenko, Everhart and Cat Bell. Kid's big enough to fight welter, but makes light easy. She's athletic, strong. And so hot I could match her against Kathy Freakin' Bates and sell out an arena. In 2012 we're gonna work her at both weights some, and look for opportunities. Some big ones may arise. Grade: A.

13. Ke$ha. 'Six Feet Of Sexy'. 5-0. Five knockouts. Kid was green as grass when she got here. Not anymore. Hits as hard as anyone we've got. But more than just a hitter now. She's learned to box, learned defense, learned to use her feet. She ain't done developin', of course, but she's 24. She has time. 2012 will be about her continuing to move forward and meet challenges. Grade: A."

14. Katy Perry. 'The Santa Barbara Slugger. 3-3. 'Disappointing' is the word. She won her first three, but really fought poorly four straight times. She was ragged in the last win against Pinder, then was terrible for 12 of 13 rounds against Hurley, Hathaway, and Ellison. She acts like she ain't got a clue in there half the time. This has to stop. We are gonna be very careful with Katy this year. And we're gonna get her back on the rails. Because she HAS ability. She can BE a very good light. She's also hot as hell, and, as a result, I can get a fight for her any day of the week. We gotta get this fixed ladies. Grade: D.

15. Serinda Swan. 'The Hottest Player In The Game. 4-1. Lost the opener to Glau, then won four straight. She's won eight out of nine. Stopped Swanepoel and went up to welter and beat Rihanna. Kid was erratic earlier in her career. Not anymore. Kid's smooth, talented, tough. Like Brookie, we're gonna spend 2012 looking for opportunities with her. And, again, like Brookie, with as hot as Swanny is, we could get some big ones. Grade: B+.

16. Anna Torv. 'The Aussie Enforcer.' 4-1. Couldn't seal the deal against Cuoco, but had some great performances. Stopped McCarthy. Went up to welter and dominated Lawless. Absolutely destroyed Union. Then went sixteen and gutted out a win over Rowland. She could have melted down a dozen times in that fight, but she wouldn't. Considering that was a problem early in her career, that was pretty big. In 2012, she gets pushed at the top. Grade: B+.

17. Leelee Sobieski. The Polish Princess. 5-0. Four knockouts. Outfought Berkley then knocked her butt out. She's a rare welter. Not all power. Good hands. Good feet. Can move and box. And she WILL bust you up with that jab, which is as good as anyone's. 2012, we're gonna push Leelee at the top. She's proven she's top ten. Let's see if she's more than that. Grade: A.

Stablewide: 72-16. 82 percent. Not bad."

He shuts the laptop and leans back in the chair. "Now, ladies, I've got some questions, and remember my friend Yakov. From Pripyat. A town that's dead now. Because of people who told people what they wanted to hear. Because of an experiment that should have been stopped and wasn't. Because no one wanted to tell the higher ups there was a problem. So they kept going and melted the damn reactor down. Killed the town and a lot of people. Chernobyl. Caused by telling people what they wanted to hear. So, you tell me what you THINK. What I NEED to hear. Now. Question one. And I ain't sayin' she's available, but, assuming she is, should we trade for Cuoco?"

Neve: "No. We don't need her. We've got four lights as good as she is. Besides, she's a prima donna..."

Man In The Hat: "DO we? Have four as good as she is?"

Jewel: "She may be better than any of our top four, though I'm not convinced of that. But, let's say she is. How big is the upgrade? Would you trade Anna for her? Gemma? Serinda? Brooke? If not, then why do it?"

Man In The Hat: "Anyone disagree?"

Britney: "I'm with Jewel and Neve."

Avril: "Me, too."

Mariska: "Not MY business, but..."

Man In The Hat(laughing): "Sure it is. I don't just WANT your opinion, I NEED it."

Mariska: "I agree. Cuoco's a three-time champ in two divisions, so you've got to give her the edge over our girls. But. How much better is she? I don't think it's enough of an upgrade to give up talent for."

Man In The Hat: "Question number two. Do we trade for a flyweight?"

Britney: "Not necessary. I think we have all we need at flyweight. And if you don't, sign Tisdale. You wouldn't have to give up anything for her."

Jewel: "I agree. Let's develop the girls we have. They've got the talent."

Man In The Hat: "Anyone disagree?"

Heads are shaken all around.

Man In The Hat: "Question number three. I get a lot of trade inquiries here. There are three girls I get asked about most. Britney. And, Mariska, I don't even BOTHER you with those. Decker. And those I reject out of hand. And Perry. Ladies, should we consider dealing Katy? Does she need a change of scenery?"

Pink: "I don't think we ought to give up on her. I think if we deal her, we might just sitting around here watching her become a top contender and wondering why we didn't keep her."

Man In The Hat: "Anybody think we ought to trade her?"

More head shaking.

Man In The Hat: "One more question, ladies. Is this the year? Don't answer. Think on it. And think about what we need to do to make it happen. Now go get some sleep so we can get to Bazz for New Year's dinner!"