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20 May 2012 Kesha vs Gwenyth Paltrow

Page history last edited by Archer844 11 years, 7 months ago

Kesha 01.jpg Gwyneth Paltrow.jpg

THE PRIDE AT THE ASYLUM PPV

Site: The Ayslum Arena. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Posted by Results By Sim/Words By Wiz on May 20, 2012, 4:22 pm.

BEFORE:

"Ke$ha got exposed a little bit against McCutcheon," says a smiling Gwyneth. "And McCutcheon can't fight at ALL. Tonight, Ke$ha's going to get exposed a LOT. But not for long."

"I might have a bit of a reputation for being stubborn," says Ke$ha, a sardonic smile on her face. "But I just MIGHT have learned something from the McCutcheon fight. And I just MIGHT be ready to share some of that knowledge with Ms. Paltrow. Stay tuned."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Back at ringside, and that's 'This Woman's Work' you hear, and, unless Kate Bush has joined the FCBA..."

McCarthy: "Who's Kate Bush? Is she related to the man in the White House?"

Tess: "Who?"

McCarthy: "The PRESIDENT! President BUSH! Don't you even know who the president is, Walmart?"

Tess: "What year IS it in your world, Mac? 2008 or 1988?"

McCarthy: "What are you TALKING about?"

O'Dell(six): "Fight one of six. This is going to be a LONG night..."

Tess: "Mac already sounds a little mumbly, Jenny. I'm not sure her JAW is going to LAST the full six fights. Maybe we ought to have Pam Anderson ready in the bullpen..."

McCarthy: "My jaw is FINE, Walmart, no thanks to that cheapshotting BYTCH Beckinsale! I KNOW you're watching, Beckinsale and I'll GET you..."

Tess: "Well, let me at least call the truck and have some ice bags ready..."

McCarthy: "SHUT IT, WALMART!"

O'Dell: "IF we could get back to the FIGHT, the woman in question is NOT Kate Bush, but another singer who had a hit with the tune, Gwyneth Paltrow. Paltrow being helped off with the robe to reveal a deep blue bikini..."

McCarthy: "No wonder they call her 'Skinny Gwynny...'

O'Dell: "And that's 'TiK-ToK' booming over the sound system, and here comes the singer of THAT tune, 'Six Feet Of Sexy', Ke$ha! Big K wasting no time getting down the aisle and into the ring. Helped off with the robe by Jewel and Britney. And she's wearing that black number she likes..."

McCarthy: "Hard to believe KE$HA is actually winning a disrobe..."

Tess: "Hey, Mac, her name has a dollar sign in it. She might lend you some money..."

McCarthy: "DON'T START, WALMART..."

Tess: "Now that you lost a million to Wiz..."

McCarthy: "I'M WARNING YOU..."

Tess: "And rumor has it you're posing for Playboy again because you're BROKE..."

McCarthy: "I AM NOT BROKE!"

Tess: "As broke as your jaw..."

McCarthy: "WALLLLMARRRTTTTTT..."

Tess: "And may have to keep fighting for the pay days..."

McCarthy: "I DO NOT HAVE TO...SHUT UP, WALMART!"

O'Dell: "And, that's number two. BEFORE the first punch is thrown. The term 'blind drunk' is going to apply to a lot of people before we're done tonight. Meanwhile, back in the ring, Tess and Mac both on record favoring Ke$ha. Let's find out if they're right. There's the bell for round one. And Ke$ha right after Paltrow, winging away, chasing Gwyneth around the ring."

McCarthy: "Paltrow not doing much more than running right here, but I don't blame her. Ke$ha throwing wild bombs, don't want to stand in there and let one detonate."

O'Dell: "Paltrow catching most of it on her shoulders and gloves, in motion, dodging and ducking. All on defense, but she's being plenty clever."

McCarthy: "Sure is. Ke$ha's doing all the scoring, though."

O'Dell: "Paltrow not going to be cut off, however. Keeps moving and finding open canvas as the bell sounds."

Tess: "Ke$ha's round."

McCarthy: "It was. But the kid needs to settle down here. Too wild and sloppy in there."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Second round underway now and Paltrow working her left hand. Using that jab to slow Ke$ha's pursuit."

McCarthy: "She's scoring with it, too. No power behind it, really. Just snapping it into Ke$ha's face. Pinging away."

O'Dell: "Ke$ha getting pre-empted by it, though. Not able to get off. Paltrow landing and moving, showing angles, not letting the younger girl square up."

McCarthy: "This is good stuff from Gwyneth. Slick. Making use of her experience against a much greener fighter."

O'Dell: "And it's good enough stuff to get her the round and even this up. There's the bell to end the second."

Tess: "19-19, Mac?"

McCarthy: "That's what MY card says."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "On to the third, now, and Paltrow sticking with that left hand, working it effectively, throwing Ke$ha on to the defensive..."

McCarthy: "GOOD right hand, Paltrow! Backed Ke$ha up a step!"

O'Dell: "Gwyneth looking to fit rights off the left and having some success doing it."

McCarthy: "I doubt she has the power to really HURT Ke$ha, but she's getting her attention and taking command of the fight."

O'Dell: "Good combination, Paltrow! She's got Ke$ha on her heels, Mac!"

McCarthy: "Sure does. Not hurting her, but pasting her with good, stiff punches."

O'Dell: "And Paltrow rallies to the bell. Best round so far for either fighter."

Tess: "And Paltrow's in the lead 29-28."

ROUND FOUR:

O'Dell: "Fourth round starts the way the third ended, with Paltrow working the jab, but Ke$ha not having it, walking through it and winging away, forcing Paltrow back and out of her stance."

McCarthy: "Paltrow not going to stand in there, she's getting out of dodge..."

Tess: "Do you get the feeling, Mac, that Gwyneth figures she can win this thing if she can get through all ten?"

McCarthy: "Looks like that's the game plan."

O'Dell: "Ke$ha doesn't plan to cooperate, though. Coming forward with bad intentions, forcing Paltrow to retreat, circle, duck, cover..."

McCarthy: "Paltrow clinching and holding on when she can't find space. Ke$ha shoving her off to get punching space. She's landing, but not clean."

O'Dell: "Paltrow tying up again as the bell rings ending the fourth. Ke$ha's round, ladies?"

Tess: "Definitely. 38-38 through four."

ROUND FIVE:

O'Dell: "We're into the fifth and Ke$ha winging that left hand from outside. Paltrow scampering away, ducking, covering up."

McCarthy: "This kid needs to use that right jab to set up the big overhand left. The kid's got a decent jab. She needs to be patient and use it."

O'Dell: "Paltrow slips a big left and lands a nice combination! Gwyneth circling, working her left, following up with the right, turning the momentum with more pinpoint power. Ke$ha shaking it off, but points are being scored..."

McCarthy: "Ke$ha being slowed down again, but now walking back through Gwyneth's left and banging away with that left hand."

O'Dell: "Forcing Paltrow to cover up, but Gwyneth being slick, catching most of these on the gloves and shoulders, slipping others as the round comes to an end."

McCarthy: "Close round, but I think Paltrow got a little more work done."

Tess: "Agreed. Gwyneth back to the lead 48-47 through five."

ROUND SIX:

O'Dell: "Into the sixth and Ke$ha again to the offensive, but Paltrow presenting a moving target, landing that left, moving and circling, not letting the bigger girl square her up."

McCarthy: "This is really an excellent strategy by Paltrow. Physically, she's giving up size, strength, stamina, and speed, but she's using skill to offset it all."

O'Dell: "Ke$ha, to her credit, not getting frustrated. Dogged in pursuit. Looking for that right hand. But no luck landing it."

McCarthy: "Paltrow's finding the range, though. Again, not hurting Ke$ha, but she's scoring points."

O'Dell: "And that's the name of the game as round six ends and Paltrow extends her lead."

Tess: "58-56 now. Nothing insurmountable, but a little cushion for the Oscar winner."

ROUND SEVEN:

O'Dell: "We're into the seventh now and the scenario has become familiar. Paltrow moving, Ke$ha chasing. Gwyneth pops the jab...AND KE$HA WOBBLES HER WITH A LEFT HAND!"

McCarthy: "Didn't land it clean, but she got enough of it!"

O'Dell: "Ke$ha all in now, winging away looking for the finisher. Paltrow covering up, slipping away to her left, away from the big left hand."

McCarthy: "Ke$ha's got to set her up now. Use the jab. Set up that overhand left..."

O'Dell: "Paltrow like a 50's nuclear fallout video...duck and cover, slipping punches, clinching, legging away, trying to survive here."

McCarthy: "Ke$ha getting some points, but too aggressive. Can't find the finisher."

O'Dell: "There's the bell and Paltrow's glad to hear it. She survives..."

Tess: "But Ke$ha narrows the lead to 67-66."

ROUND EIGHT:

O'Dell: "Into the eighth now and Ke$ha winging away early. Chasing Paltrow. Gwyneth moving, slipping, turning, blocking, everything she can do to avoid those power shots."

McCarthy: "Problem is, it's all one-punch stuff. Ke$ha not putting them together. Makes it a lot easier to play defense."

O'Dell: "Ke$ha lands some leather there! She wobbled Paltrow with a solid left!"

McCarthy: "Again, didn't land flush, but got enough of her to shake the legs."

O'Dell: "Ke$ha firing away now. Paltrow moving, covering, clinching, back to survival mode."

McCarthy: "Gwyneth using her feet very well, not allowing herself to get lined up."

O'Dell: "Ke$ha winging away at the bell, but, for the second round in a row, Paltrow survives."

Tess: "But Ke$ha's evened things at 76."

ROUND NINE:

O'Dell: "Ninth of a scheduled ten underway and Paltrow back to that left jab. Ke$ha walking through it, Gwynny ties her up. Big K shoves the older woman off, but Paltrow circles, jabs, ties up again."

McCarthy: "Paltrow doing a great job of using her skill and experience and bogging this kid down."

Tess: "Using Ke$ha's INexperience to her advantage as well."

McCarthy: "She certainly is. Ke$ha's not my favorite fighter. But the kid is loud and brash and doesn't give a damn what people think. Reminds me of ME. And she's got plenty of physical ability. But, this is only her seventh fight. There's a pretty steep learning curve in the FCBA. It'll be harder to do this kind of stuff to her if she keeps getting rounds."

O'Dell: "But, for the moment, Paltrow IS managing to do it, and there's some visible frustration showing on Ke$ha's face as the bell sounds."

Tess: "Pretty even, Mac. Nobody did much of anything..."

McCarthy: "Agreed. I've got it 86-86 going into the tenth."

ROUND TEN:

O'Dell: "Three minutes left in the scheduled length of this one, and Ke$ha right after Paltrow, swinging away lusty from the outside. Gwynny getting all leggy, now, moving and sticking, staying away from the ropes and corners, sticking to open canvas."

McCarthy: "Ke$ha still trying to end this with one shot, and she can. Those lefts still have plenty of power behind them."

O'Dell: "Paltrow playing tic-tac-toe with the jab, a quick one-two or one-two-three, then gone. No power behind it, but it's landing, which is more than Ke$ha's doing."

McCarthy: "Ke$ha needs to use that right hand, but she hasn't done much of it all night, even though the trainers have been in her ear about it."

O'Dell: "Paltrow on her horse now. Moving, not engaging. Thinks she's got this thing. It's going to be close, but, as the bell rings, I think she's right."

Tess: "I have that round for Gwyneth. If the judges have it the way I do..."

McCarthy: "It's going to be a one-point decision..."

O'Dell: "And it IS. 96-95, for the winner by UD10, Gwyneth Paltrow!"

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"

Tess: "I've got our winner, Gwyneth Paltrow. You surprised some people tonight..."

Gwyneth: "She's a big, strong, athletic kid, but she's raw. I knew if I could take her rounds, I could get her. I'm a veteran. I know what I'm doing in there. And, as Neve proved, girls our age aren't over the hill!"

Tess: "So, you'd like some more fights?"

Gwyneth: "Sure would. Maybe I could start with another blonde Oscar winner. What do you think, Charlize?"