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12 July 2012 Naomi Campbell vs Jennifer Garner

Page history last edited by Archer844 11 years, 6 months ago

Naomi Campbell 03.jpg Jennifer Garner 07.jpg

Posted by Archer on July 12, 2012, 6:47 pm

Story by Jac Fac

Retro Bout Circa 2004

By now Naomi was absolutely convinced there was no living soul who could take her title as 'female celebrity boxing champ'. She'd gotten used to the fawning after beating both Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham and Kate Beckinsale in the same night. And Charlize Theron made sure she gave Naomi a wide berth after having been knocked cold in her challenge to the Afro-Brit KO artist. Then one day while Naomi was working out in the gym, she came across Jennifer Garner suited up and punching the speed bag.

"That's a funny thing, for a little Appalachian Turkey like you from West Virginia to be doing isn't it" said Naomi.

Garner continued hammering the bag for a minute, then let loose with, "This could be that big dumb yammering piss-ant brain of yours instead of a bag!" Jennifer continued, "You and those horsebleep anger management classes! They don't seem to be working. Dumb and dumber. Grow up and go get a real job."

Whoa! Naomi was all set to have it out with Jennifer right there!

"You got a big mouth for a little twit, don't you Garner'?"

"I can back it up," said Jennifer. "Let's say The Fleet Center in Boston in two weeks?"

Naomi was sure she had another pigeon and quickly accepted.

Jennifer arrived with her trainer, Sue Anne Langdon, the undisputed conqueror of the legendary Mary Tyler Moore while Naomi brought Eartha Kitt who had demonished Sue Anne.

ROUND ONE
Jennifer slips that big left of Naomi's and has her taller opponent missing. Then she slips inside Naomi's long arms and delivers some really hard body combinations that leave Naomi grimacing. Naomi hasn't felt this kind of pain from punches... until now! Garner closes out the round as she hammers a clean left-right to Naomi's face that has her backing up. ROUND ONE goes to Garner!

ROUND TWO
Naomi is eager for an early kill and she concentrates on boxing and feinting in the early part of this round. She fakes an overhand right which suckers Garner, whereupon Campbell delivers a vicious left hook that puts Garner on her back! Jennifer is back up on her feet readjusting her garter belt when Campbell lands a solid jab to Jen's jaw! Jen falls again to a Naomi left hook just as the bell rings. Naomi wins this round decisively. Back in the Garner corner Sue Anne is imploring Jennifer to keep slipping punches and start working Naomi's body.

ROUND THREE
Following instructions, Jennifer wallops Naomi in the midsection, then hammers her with a solid uppercut right. Naomi is bleeding from the mouth! Jennifer targets Naomi's right eye which is now swelling and closing. Jennifer goes in full bore and catches a right to the jaw from Naomi that staggers the 'Alias' star, but she fires back hard, landing a solid left-right combination to Naomi's jaw. As Naomi FALLS, the crowd goes wild! Naomi gets up but she's dazed and disoriented and Jen hits her again. Naomi crumples to her knees, then topples over face first to the mat as the place erupts in pandemonium!

Garner stands over her beaten foe, one foot posed on Naomi's tight butt!. She is the new champion! A rematch will almost surely take place once Naomi takes a few more courses and comes to terms with her decisive defeat!