Posted by Simguy on 3/6/2004, 9:50 am.

Before: “I’ve been carrying the Ultimate gym for months now,” brays a confident Jessica Alba in preflight, “it’s about time I started to get showcased. Kelly is the perfect opponent for me--our poster is smoking hot, we’re the hottest looking match up of the whole card, and, and I’m going to capitalize with a stellar beat down of a tough cookie--just!” Ripa similarly positioned in the division, some good wins, some tough losses, she needs a victory over an Alba-class contender to take the next step. Ripa in black jockey two piece cotton underwear, Alba in clingy red cotton crop top, sleeves to the elbow, scoop front, bared midriff, gray cotton dance briefs.

During 1,2: Alba giving Ripa plenty of problems with range, speed, lithe footwork and superior ring generalship. Jabbing, Jessica’s almost conventional slight backhand delivery as she lays the thing out. Alba shows her hip-hop/club fighting background when she opens up--swinging in a lusty right hand to the body, then jumping back out of range, batting hooks at Ripa’s right ear, hip, then curling the left up into a slinging uppercut. Hands loose and low throughout these sequences--licking, lashing delivery. Kelly coming up shirt with her punches, not getting into position--she’s outclassed, flustered as Alba posts back to back breezy shutouts.

R3: More Alba dance-class stuff--working the jab, stepping in with swinging potshots, jumping back out of range and walking around d the ring, By the third minute--Ripa realizes she’s not getting hurt--Alba not really setting down on this crowd-pleasing, flashy stuff--blonde starts to walk through it, track Jessica sown with a jolting jab and thumping a loud right hand off brunette upper chest. More Alba points, but Kelly’s making contact, coming forward and cutting off the ring through 3.

R4: That is what happens when you don’t get Kelly’s respect, don’t back her up and don’t wear out her body: shutout Kelly Ripa. Jessica’s shutouts were primarily leg-driven, dominance-of-maneuver: Kelly’s is all contact; a shutout built on punches landed, Ripa jabbing Alba to ropes, stabilizing her with a rifling right hand to the chest, then going gancha with rapid, jagged hooks up under the right elbow. Alba issuing the fights first clinches, pulling down on Kelly’s blonde head--Ripa pushing and elbow-shoving for room on the inside, Bell to bell at the ropes, Kelly going hard to the torso on her opponent, putting a tight-lipped little wince on Alba’s face at the bell.

R5: Alba hands low, hopping in and out--she turns on a slinging, limber-limbed right hand as she slides forward, catching glorious clout on Ripa’s chin and KELLY’S HURT! Ripa put wobbly butt, gloves up dumb at her eyebrows--Alba clocks her a thick stroking hook on the jaw, gets it again and AGAIN--Kelly staggering to her right with wallop. Jessica snarling as she gets off, bringing her punches off her thighs, twisting her body to lick in slinging sock from either side, carving Ripa up from either side, then dipping and getting supple uppercut action through the middle. K-Rip in trouble, windblown around the ring--curvy legs holding her up as she slips into autopilot, just trying to gut this thing out. Jessica Alba puts 3 shining minutes on the board, luscious lanky-bodied power shots, tearing blows across her foe’s midriff, driving uppercut volleys to Kelly’s perky plums, walloping haymakers about the head and shoulders. Ripa does well to keep her feet, but she’s a staring, ramshackle beauty at the bell--goes 10-8 Alba without the knockdown.

R6: Jessica starting to cruise--very comfortable with her distance, resetting the table with her backhand jab, then stepping-to, slinging I hard right hands to the body, hooking body and head, jumping back out of range. Kelly getting beat up and buried in points, but no sign of quit--she’s grim-faced, still getting her touches to the body, especially a short, blunt right hand thump on the chest--she’s losing the rounds, but getting enough of what she needs to stay competitive.

R7: Kelly finally gets to Jessica’s lean body with authority, ripping lefts and rights across that taut midsection, crouching and bobbing to avoid the receipts--good smart pressure. Alba mouth breathing--she’s tossing out the jab like an afterthought, not really snapping it--Kelly’s able to weave and hook to the ribs, have her moments putting punches together on the inside, A strong round to Ripa--her face is shiny from punishment, but legs look strong--Jessica’s face unblemished, but she’s starting to look a little slipshod below the waist.

R8: Kelly coming forward brazen now, hooking as Jessica jabs, getting the better of it, stampeding brunette to ropes. Alba looking to tie up--Kelly doing a nice job crouching out of it, comes up thumping to the waist, both hands pumping, shoulders rotating in close. Alba slides to her right and gets TAGGED an overhand right on her temple--Kelly hopping with, starting to mix in head with the constant body beating--it’s finally taking effect. Poor Alba smeared and worked over along the ropes--half-hearted clinches, tepid punching not discouraging Ripa as daytime veteran pounds it out of supple ingenue in the 8^th.

R9: Kelly POURS it on! Alba’s legs are shot, Kelly keeps ‘em that way with a consistent barrage o chest, ribs and tummy. Alba’s mouth wide open as she staggers backwards, walking Kelly into the odd nice right uppercut or swatting counter-hook, but blonde willing soak these up in order to sustain her forward aggression. Nothing fancy from Ripa--honest pressure up the middle, keeping her girl pinned to the perimeter, more and more clubbing right hands on the temples and jaw line of her girl--Alba looking ragged late in a suddenly close fight.

R10: Corner wants Alba to box, figuring the lead should hold up--Jess tries to oblige, Ripa stalking forward, chasing a shameless Alba around the ring in the first minute, but come the second: a BOOMING right hand over a lazy Jessica Alba jab has her stepping in fence-post holes. Alba knock-kneed, trying to hold Ripa off with a pathetic extended left--Kelly able to hook inside it, chop right hands over it to bounce Jessica’s skull--brunette goes down in a heap! Alba busted up, swooning, but too proud to go out--she takes a ramshackle 8, props her butt in the ropes and digs in ‘cause HERE COMES~ KELLY! Ripa with glorious clean-up teeth bared as she tears into what’s left, furiously hustling for a KO with time winding down. Rip swinging gorgeous right hands lusty to the hip/flank, back foot coming off the canvas as she sinks those babies in. Ripa getting onto her front foot, arching her back to get devastating leverage on hooks, doubling and tripling up as Alba sits broken in the ropes, unable to answer. All Kelly to the bell, but willowy Jessica takes her beating, forcing this thing to the cards. Long delay, comes back a tractor pull Special: DRAW!

After: Alba building a huge lead, Kelly mounting a second half rally--it’s a draw on paper and in the history books, but Ripa and her fans not happy. “Look at her,” a sweaty, pulsing Kelly Ripa says in post fight, pointing to a drained Jessica Alba in the brunette corner, “there’s nothing left. I could fight another 5 rounds--she’s done--who do YOU think won the fight? I bounced that skank off the canvas, I wore her out, I tore her down--this is quite possibly the worst decision in the history of the FCBA!: Not even close, of course, bit Ripa making her point with force, if not with compelling argumentation. Alba slinking out of Dodge without a loss--credit the kid’s heart--time was she would have quit under that kind of heat late. Jessica’s got a different take on the fight, “It’s all on me,:” Alba says, left hand gingerly probing tender ribs and midsection, “I should have stopped her. I didn’t work my uppercuts like AI do, I barely touched her tits--I just didn’t get after her way I usually do, She should have gone out the way Thiessen did--seriously, I think I proved she doesn’t belong in the same ring with me, I just didn’t finish her up like I should have.”

Reposted by Archer 12/1/12.