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25 Novermber 2012 Katy Perry vs Taylor Swift

Page history last edited by Archer844 11 years, 1 month ago

Posted by Results By Sim/Words By Wiz on November 25, 2012, 12:45 am.

BEFORE:

"Katy's made a reputation fighting top-heavy girls who can't fight," says Taylor, with a hint of a smile. "Well, I don't fall into either category. And that's bad news for Katy."

"I keep hearing that Taylor's better than she was when she fought Ke$ha," says Katy. "And I'm prepared to believe that, from the video I've seen. But that's the same chin. And I plan to test it out for as long...or short...as necessary."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Back at ringside and the fans popping as they hear 'Love Story' on the speakers and hometown girl Taylor Swift heads to the ring..."

Tess: "Swift is from WyoMISSING, PA. NOT Wyoming..."

McCarthy: "Don't START with me, Walmart..."

Tess: "For the fans at home, Mac got a nice gift basket from the Wyomissing Borough Council when she mixed UP Wyomissing and Wyoming..."

McCarthy: "SHUT. IT. WAL. MART."

O'Dell: "It's no wonder we get emails wondering if you two are on the Jack Daniels payroll. Taylor into the ring. She's helped off with the robe by members of the Mirage Boxing corner crew to reveal a black bikini...and that's 'California Gurls' you hear and that can only mean 'The Santa Barbara Slugger', Katy Perry, is on her way to the ring. Katy an adopted daughter of Philly, of course, and getting a pop equal to Taylor's..."

Tess: "Wait until Neve and Jewel help her off with the robe..."

O'Dell: "Perry into the ring and the robe drops...good call, Tess."

Tess: "Not much to dislike about how Katy looks in that red bikini, IS there, Mac..."

McCarthy: "I know where you're going with this, Walmart, and I'm not biting..."

Tess: "All I'M saying is, I'll bet The Beebs wouldn't look like he'd just been kissed by his Vicks-smelling grandma if KATY planted one on him..."

The Michael Buble Story

Starring:

Michael Buble

Michael Bolton

Michael Pare`

Michael Spinks

Michael Dean Perry

Mychal Thompson (It's pronounced 'Michael'. It counts.)...

McCarthy: "...AM CAPABLE OF CONTROLLING MYSELF. NOW GET THAT CRAPFEST OFF THE NETWORK..."

O'Dell: "And we're back to my own private hell and about ready to go. Tess is on record favoring Katy. How about you, Mac?"

McCarthy: "Styles are going to make all the difference here. Katy wants to brawl and slug. Weirdo says she's athletic enough to box, but she almost never DOES. Swift is a slick boxer. Likes to work outside. She'll have a bit of reach on Perry, who's 5'8" to Swift's 5'11". If she can use that length and box, she wins. If Perry can get inside, it will be a short fight. If I have to pick, it's Perry. But I wouldn't put money on it."

Tess: "Considering that...you know what? Before we find out Emma and David Thompson are in that movie, let's just watch the fight."

O'Dell: "THAT might be nice. There's the bell for round one and Swift working behind the jab immediately. Keeping Perry off with that quick left hand."

McCarthy: "Not much behind those punches, but they're scoring and Swift is steering and controlling Katy with them."

O'Dell: "Perry actually smiling and shaking her head, as if to give her the 'Is that all you got, George?' But, Taylor perfectly happy to work from a distance. Mostly lefts. Fitting the odd right. Perry being pre-empted very effectively."

Tess: "You call this, Mac. Styles. And right now, Taylor is using hers to fight her fight."

O'Dell: "And, heading down the stretch she's in full control of the first. Perry not doing much but flicking her own left out there as the round comes to an end. Good first for Swift."

Tess: "On the lead 10-9, and, as we've seen already tonight, sometimes every point is important."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Into the second and Perry tired of waiting and she's winging away. Swift dancing out of there, getting the guard up and getting out of Dodge."

McCarthy: "Kid is totally spooked by all this wild stuff. She's got to stay in her stance and score off this, not run away."

O'Dell: "Taylor, however, wants none of it. Katy chasing, letting that big right hand go. Swift dodging and dancing. Perry cutting her off now and lands a good one-two, her best shots of the fight!"

McCarthy: "This is the danger of running. Perry's where she wants to be now."

O'Dell: "And she's going to work body, thumping Swift to the ribs, then WHACKING home a left to the head. Taylor tying up and covering up as the final seconds tick away. And Katy's evened it up."

Tess: "Swift wincing on the way back to the corner from those body shots. All even on the scorecard, though, 19-19."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "As the third round begins Perry is after Swift again, lunging at her with big right hands. Taylor not sticking around to see what happens if one of those lands. Legging out of trouble, not even bothering to get set as Katy pursues. Just staying in motion."

McCarthy: "Styles. Now it's Perry fighting HER fight. Aggressive. Letting the hands go."

Tess: "I can see why Wiz decided to let her go with this brawling style for now. She can be effective with it."

O'Dell: "And she's plenty effective right now. She's not landing a high percentage of those right hands, but the ones that are landing are doing damage. Swift STUNG by that right. Wobbled. Katy after her. Taylor covering up on the ropes and Perry going body."

McCarthy: "Maybe this kid HAS learned something at Front Street. Kill the body to take the legs. If that happens, Swift is toast."

O'Dell: "Perry getting off lusty to the ribs and midsection, going upstairs and landing a right that hurt Taylor again. Swift clinching, holding on as the seconds tick by, and she'll survive the third, but Katy's won it to take the lead."

Tess: "29-28, Perry through three."

ROUND FOUR:

O'Dell: "Into the fourth now and Perry looking to finish this thing. Swift on her horse, circling and hanging that left jab..."

McCarthy: "She can't leave it out there like that. Katy's too quick. She's landing counters off it. Taylor has to commit. She has to get into a stance and get back to using that jab effectively, not just flicking it in Katy's face."

O'Dell: "Perry lands a nice right hand. Taylor pops the left...AND PERRY DROPS HER WITH A RIGHT TO THE HEAD!"

McCarthy: "Hanging a jab is like hanging a curveball. Sooner or later, you're going to get hurt."

O'Dell: "Referee picks up the count at four, five, six. Swift to her hands and knees. Seven. Eight. And she's going to beat it."

McCarthy: "Didn't think the kid had it IN her. Maybe the new management HAS had an effect..."

O'Dell: "Referee gives Swift the mandatory. Going to let it continue. Perry right back at Taylor, working the body again with hooks to the ribs and lats. Swift in a high guard, trying to survive this thing, and Katy's taking what Taylor's giving her."

McCarthy: "And she's taking a LOT of it."

O'Dell: "Swift hanging on for the third round in a row, but she's going to survive. Perry a good left hook to the head that wobbled Taylor, but there's the bell. Perry's opened up a lead, but Taylor survives."

Tess: "39-36 now for Katy."

ROUND FIVE:

O'Dell: "Into the fifth now and Swift working that jab again. Getting the back foot planted and putting some snap behind it..."

McCarthy: "Apparently they have some decent corner people at Mirage. They've told the kid what I'VE been saying for three rounds..."

Tess: "ZERO..."

McCarthy: "WALLLLMARRRTTT..."

Tess: "...bars are one of my favorite candies. I just LOVE the white chocolate..."

O'Dell(sighing): "Swift popping with that jab. Katy not bothered by it. Allowing the touches..."

McCarthy: "Which is a mistake, because they're scoring POINTS for Swift. Again, a training issue..."

Tess: "ZERO..."

McCarthy: "DON'T..."

Tess: "...was one of the more underrated psychedelic rock bands. Interestingly, one of their founding members, is from Bethlehem, here in Eastern Pennsylvania."

O'Dell: "Truck, get a message to Pointy. Tell him I'm ready to take that tour The Mansion's liquor storage rooms. Right after the broadcast. Meanwhile, back in the ring, Swift in control with that long left hand. Scoring points and keeping Katy at bay as the seconds run down. And, there's the bell. Good round for Taylor."

Tess: "48-46 through five. Swift isn't out of this thing by a long shot."

ROUND SIX:

O'Dell: "Into the sixth now, and Swift again working that long left hand."

Tess: "You talked about styles Mac, and every round has been about that so far. When Taylor's been able to keep Katy out on the edge of her punches, she's done well. When Katy's been able to pressure, Perry's taken control."

McCarthy: "And Perry getting inside a bit now. Landing a couple of good shots. Taylor lands a couple of counters, Katy hooks body, and Swift is OUT of there, setting up shop again behind that left. This is what Taylor needs to do."

O'Dell: "Perry showing some of that athleticism, working inside and getting off again. Taylor bangs home a counter and circles away to reset. The best two-way round of the fight ticking away. Swift popping that left, Perry slipping it and hooking body at the bell. Close one, ladies."

McCarthy: "Sure was, but I gave it to Swift. But, if I were Taylor's people, I wouldn't factor that one into my electoral math."

Tess: "Was that an election reference, Mac? Who did you vote for?"

McCarthy: "The same person I ALWAYS vote for! Ditka!"

Tess: "Scorecard reads 57-56 through six.

ROUND SEVEN:

O'Dell: "Into the seventh and Perry bounces inside and lands a couple of good body shots. Swift tying up, shoved off, Katy bangs home a right hand and Taylor isn't hanging around for the sequel. Back on her horse, circling behind the left."

McCarthy: "Katy's waking up a bit now, realizing she can't let Swift powder her face for points. Needs to be aggressive. Must have figured that out on her own. She certainly didn't get any help from those so-called trainers...AND DON'T SAY IT, WALMART! I'm still not convinced there's a 'Bethlehem' in Pennsylvania..."

Tess: "Then let me blow your mind a little bit further. Less than five miles away is a town called 'Nazareth', home of one of the state's many great wrestling programs..."

McCarthy: "You are making this UP..."

Tess: "I am not. In fact, Nazareth is home to the famous C.F. Martin & Company guitar factory. Little known fact about that company. In The Band's famous hit song 'The Weight', the opening line, 'I pulled into Nazareth' REFERS to Nazareth, Pennsylvania. The song's protagonist was in town to visit the guitar factory."

O'Dell: "Meanwhile, south of Nazareth, here in Philly, you know, where we're having a BOXING card, Perry continuing to impose her will, landing solid right hands upstairs and down. Swift in full retreat, snapping the jab out, trying to slow Katy down to no avail. Perry hooking those ribs whenever she gets a chance..."

McCarthy: "All the better to take out those legs. And I'm having my PEOPLE fact check you on this 'Nazareth' stuff, Walmart."

Tess: "All true. And one more fun fact is that the GROUP 'Nazareth', which did one of the songs Front Street has used from time to time, 'Expect No Mercy', took their name from the first line of 'The Weight'."

O'Dell: "I, personally, can't WAIT to have some of Pointy's scotch. Last seconds rolling off the clock for round seven, and Katy in control, working Taylor's body, cutting her off, landing upstairs on occasion. The bell rings to end a great round for Katy."

Tess: "Got a bit of a cushion back. Up 67-65 with three to go."

ROUND EIGHT:

O'Dell: "Into the eighth now, and Katy back to the pressure. Swift a solid right hand off the jab. ANOTHER! Stops Perry in her tracks!"

McCarthy: "This is what Swift has to do. She's got to hang in there and counter. Keep her foot set long enough to land with something behind it."

O'Dell: "She's certainly punching for respect here...AND THERE'S A SOLID RIGHT THAT WOBBLED KATY! Swift now letting the hands go, backing Perry into the ropes and getting off heavy shots!"

McCarthy: "See, a kid with the length Taylor has CAN generate some power. She's not a hitter like Katy or Ke$ha, let alone someone like Palicki or Gena Lee, but she can use that leverage to hurt you."

O'Dell: "And she's making good use of it right now. Reefing right hands at Katy's head, STICKING that jab between the gloves to snap the head back. Perry very unsteady, hanging on like we saw Taylor do earlier..."

McCarthy: "Swift determined here. Wants to take Perry OUT."

O'Dell: "Doesn't look like she's going to get that done. Just seconds to go, but Swift still not done! Lands a BIG right at the bell!"

McCarthy: "Perry a staring wreck right now. Not sure what held the kid up. Meanwhile, I can't believe I'm going to do this for a second time tonight, but that was 10-8 without the knockdown."

Tess: "Agreed, Mac, and that means, if our cards are right, it's 75-75. All even with two to go!"

ROUND NINE:

O'Dell: "The ninth round now underway and Swift moving forward behind the left hand, looking to build on last round and finish Katy. Perry slipping the left, stepping forward, and ABUSING Taylor's ribs with a pair of hooks. Swift bangs back with a right and Katy a nice left hook and they're going AT it, Mac!"

McCarthy: "Perry's not going to punk here. She's shaken off the damage from last round and is banging away at Swift! Taylor firing right back, not backing up a step. Both ladies may have the idea that this fight is in the balance, and neither is going to cede anything to the other!"

O'Dell: "Perry in tight, working the body with that heavy shot of hers..."

McCarthy: "This is something Katy should be doing more of. If she want to fight that physical style, she's got to work body and not just head hunt."

O'Dell: "Swift digging body, too, and landing some good left hands. Perry firing right back with a right hook that backed Taylor up a step. Closing seconds of the round and neither woman slowing down. There's the bell and the two lock eyes before turning back to their corners. Fairly close round, but Katy got it."

McCarthy: "She did."

Tess: "Which makes our score 85-84 for Perry..."

McCarthy: "But that's IF we're right on two close rounds and IF the judges gave Taylor that 10-8. This thing is too close to call."

ROUND TEN:

O'Dell: "Final round underway and Swift back to working that left hard. Finding the range with it and keeping Katy at bay. Perry not having it, working hard to penetrate now, landing to the body before Swift lands a solid right. The fighters tie up and the referee breaks them."

Tess: "Mac, you've been in a lot of close fights in your career. These two HAD to be told in the corners how close this is. No one knows who's ahead, really. What mindset do you take into a final round in a fight like this?"

McCarthy: "Well, for me, it's the same mindset as every round. Take her OUT of there. That's the only way to be sure you're going to win the fight. Failing that, make SURE you get this round. If you're up a point or even and you get it, you win. If you're down a point, you even things up and maybe force overtime."

O'Dell: "Taylor Swift using that long left to score again. Perry willing to eat a couple to penetrate and land some hard rights to the head and body. Taylor holding her own inside, though."

McCarthy: "Both women still working hard even as the clock ticks down in the last round. Leaving it all out there."

O'Dell: "No sense saving anything for the locker room. And that's the philosophy of these two young beauties as they trade right to the bell. Both women holding up their arms in victory. One is going to be disappointed."

McCarthy: "I've got that one for Swift, so..."

Tess: "If our cards are right, we're going OT."

McCarthy: "Wouldn't count on it, though. Couple of close rounds plus the 10-8. This could go either way."

O'Dell: "Uh oh. I think I know how it's going. Referee talking to the corners. Swift nodding strongly. Walking over to Perry's corner now and Katy nodding as well. Here comes the announcement. 94-94. And the ladies have agreed to overtime!"

ROUND ELEVEN:

O"Dell: "We are in overtime in Philadelphia and there's the bell for round eleven. Rules are simple, you need to earn two consecutive points, whether that be via winning two straight rounds or winning one round by two. Buckle up, because Swift is moving forward behind that long left, Perry hooking body again with the right. TAYLOR A GOOD RIGHT HAND...AND PERRY ROCKS HER WITH A RIGHT HOOK! Katy banging away now. Taylor buzzed and being backed up. Perry staying composed, going back to the body."

McCarthy: "Good stuff from Katy. It's really tempting to try to end things with one punch in this situation."

O'Dell: "Katy patient, has Taylor along the ropes and goes to work. Swift clinching, but Katy punching free, hammering away to the midsection and ribs, working the lats with that short left hook."

Tess: "Add a shovel hook to the liver, and you could be looking at Neve Campbell."

McCarthy: "Except Perry is PRETTY."

O'Dell: "What's happening along the ropes is NOT pretty. It's Katy Perry giving Taylor Swift a beating. Swift bending to protect the body, keeping the gloves up to protect the head, but, still Perry finding openings. Swift's going to hang on, though. There's the bell. And Katy Perry has won the first overtime round and done plenty of damage in the process!"

ROUND TWELVE:

O'Dell: "Twelfth round underway and Perry just needs to win this one to win the fight. And she's right after Swift, landing a nice, solid combination that sent sweat flying!"

McCarthy: "Swift is clearly hurt to the body, Jenny. You can see it in her legs. She's much more of a stationary target, and Perry's taking advantage."

O'Dell: "She's put in a ton of work on that body and she may be seeing the fruits of her labor now. Swift rocked with a right hand. Stumbles back and flicks out the left, Katy hooks the ribs, and you can hear Taylor groaning as those hooks bang home!"

McCarthy: "Kid is leaving it all in the ring, Jenny, but..."

O'Dell: "RIGHT HOOK, PERRY! SWIFT STAGGERED...STRAIGHT RIGHT HAND AND DOWN SHE GOES! SWIFT KNOCKED FLAT TO HER BACK BY THAT RIGHT HAND!"

McCarthy: "Vicious."

O'Dell: "Referee's count at five. Six. Taylor rolling to her belly. Seven. Eight. Nine. She can't get up! Ten! It's over! And your winner by KO12 is 'The Santa Barbara Slugger', Katy Perry!"

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"

Tess: "I'm here with our winner, Katy Perry, and Katy, this was a heck of a fight tonight..."

Katy: "Give Swift credit. I wasn't buying all that stuff about her being soft. She's tough, and she gave me all she had. Wasn't enough, though. It was never going to be enough."

Tess: "We saw a lot of body work from you tonight. It seems like we see more and more of that..."

Katy: "Look, I'm going to fight my style. Physical. Tough. But that doesn't mean I have to be wild and undisciplined. Tonight was my 13th FCBA fight. I've learned some things. And I'm going to keep learning and getting better. That's what it's about for me right now."