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1 March 2013 Post Asylum PPV Press Conference

Page history last edited by Archer844 10 years, 10 months ago

Posted by Boxing World Online on March 1, 2013, 6:39 pm

The Man In The Hat sits, as usual, at the center of the dais. To his left are Gemma Arterton, Leelee Sobieski, Brooklyn Decker, Jewel, Mariska Hargitay, Alison Brie, and Pink. To his right sit Allison Mack, Neve Campbell, Kat Dennings, Grace Park, Britney Spears, Avril Lavigne, and Jane Levy.

Man In The Hat: "All right. Let's start with some words of thanks. First, to IFFI for, once again, agreeing to come to Philly for one of our cards. Also to Mirage Boxing for providing us two great fighters tonight. And to Odds and Ends, another regular contributor to our cards. And, of course, to HISC. We're very pleased to have them here for the first time and hope they'll be back soon. Also, we want to thank the FCBA commission for the sanction, without which these cards wouldn't be possible. And, allow me to thank Avril and Jane for all their hard work putting this together. Now, questions. Cable Boy..."

HBO Reporter: "With Allison being upset tonight and Grace winning and sitting on a title shot, does this officially make Park your number one bantam?"

Man In The Hat: "Couple of things. First, Allison got caught by a fighter that even our esteemed Commissioner believes is pretty good. It was her first loss since she signed here. Again. She got caught. It happens. I ain't concerned about it. She remains right in the thick of our plans at bantam. Second, we don't HAVE a number one bantam. We don't have number ones at ANY weight. We don't have Alphas. Your position here is determined by your performance. And Allison has won eleven of twelve. So I'd say she's earned a featured spot. As for Grace, well. You saw tonight, and you saw against Mendes and Dushku and Vaugier and McAdams just how good Grace is. There was a time she was underneath a lot of girls here. Now? Not so much. Because, like Allison, she EARNED a featured spot. Cable Boy II! Go!"

Showtime Reporter: "Speaking of earning spots, you've got a pretty big crowd at light, and it looks like Decker and Arterton didn't do anything to hurt their standings tonight..."

Man In The Hat: "Brookie, as I've said a thousand times, is something special. We know what we have in Ms. Decker. The total package of athleticism, punching power, quickness, and stunning beauty. She has lost ONE fight since signing here. To the lightweight champion. She remains right at the center of what we do here. As for Gemma, she's done nothing less than beat every single fighter I've put in front of her. There is not a fighter at Front Street better than Gemma. Tess, dear, go ahead..."

Tess: "This is for Neve. You looked like you were on a mission tonight..."

Neve: "It's personal between Kat and Kendra. But it wasn't personal for me. It was professional. This girl was trying to get herself a signature win over MY unconscious body. Lots of blonde upstarts have tried that. And they've all ended up just like Kendra did. ALL of them."

Man In The Hat: "Smackeroo! I'm ready for dinner. Take us home."

Reporter: "Big win for Leelee tonight..."

Man In The Hat: "And I'm not surprised. Leelee is a top level welter, and losing to Big Bad Gena Lee, who has proven she's far from done, doesn't change that. Sobieski's a contender. And you saw some of the many reasons why tonight. Now, it's..."

Jenny McCarthy: "I have a question!"

Man In The Hat: "So do I. This press conference is for JOURNALISTS. How did YOU get in here?"

McCarthy: "I have a CREDENTIAL. That makes me a journalist!"

Man In The Hat: "I have a pointy hat. That don't make me POPE. Though, as a good friend pointed out, I'm eligible for election. Which makes me think they might want to tighten up those requirements a bit..."

(Laughter)

McCarthy: "I have a QUESTION!"

Man In The Hat: "I got a case of PBR in the limo and I'm THIRSTY..."

(Laughter)

McCarthy: "ANSWER MY QUESTION!"

Man In The Hat: "All right, Mac. I'll bite."

McCarthy: "The bantamweight division has clearly collapsed since I retired. I mean, we have a Playmate who couldn't carry my bikini top wearing the belts and she's going to defend against a girl I knocked out the last time we fought..."

Man In The Hat: "Is there a QUESTION in there somewhere?"

McCarthy: "Yeah. Is Park vs. DeCesare the worst bantamweight title match up of all time?"

Grace: "I am going to SMACK you into next WEEK..."

McCarthy: "And is DeCesare the worst excuse for a bantamweight champion since Campbell?"

Neve: "Mac, if I have to get out of this chair..."

McCarthy: "There's no hometown referee to save you, Campbell! Come and get some!"

Neve(getting up): "THAT'S it..."

Man In The Hat(rising and raising a hand): "Ladies and gentlemen of the press, if I didn't know better, I'd think SOMEone is in here tryin' ta generate some publicity for an upcoming bar room brawl. But, we have no more time for such shenanigans! Security, see that Ms. McCarthy gets safely to her limo. Ladies, we're done here. Tess, Smackey. MY limo!"

McCarthy(being screened by security): "You're LUCKY it's Garner and not YOU, Campbell! You're LUCKY!"

Man In The Hat(to Neve off mic): "What's WRONG with that woman?"

Neve: "You'd need about a decade and a team of eminent psychiatrists to come up with THAT diagnosis..."