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31 March 2013 Post Asylum PPV Press Conference

Page history last edited by Archer844 10 years, 9 months ago

Posted by Boxing World Online on March 31, 2013, 7:20 pm

The Man In The Hat sits, as usual, at the center of the dais. To his left are Kristen Stewart, Katy Perry, Ke$ha, Serinda Swan, and Mariska Hargitay. To his right, Pink, Britney Spears, Neve Campbell, Jewel, and Avril Lavigne.

Man In The Hat: "All right. Let's start with some words of thanks..."

BLONDE! Magazine Reporter: "Where's Jamie Lynn? Does she still work for you?"

Neve: "Jamie Lynn isn't here at OUR request..."

Britney: "Mine and Neve's. And if you have a problem with that, come see US after the press conference."

Man In The Hat: "As to the other part of the question, Jamie Lynn still works here. She'll work here tomorrow, next month, and next year. She's an important part of Front Street and she is going nowhere. Now, as I was saying, I want to send out some words of thanks. First to Beever's Babes for once again sending talent to our card. Also to our friends at Mirage. And, of course, Odds and Ends. And, let's not forget IFFI, although, the way things are goin', maybe I SHOULDN'T be thankin' THEM..."

(Laughter)

Man In The Hat: "Seriously, though, the cooperation I've gotten from these stables and others have made it much easier to put on good shows. And I'm looking forward to expanding on and continuing those relationships. Also, I want to thank Avril and Jane for putting together another great card, and, last and most important, the FCBA Commission for sanctioning these bouts and making the Asylum cards possible. Now, I'll take questions. Cable Boy!"

HBO Reporter: "Sticking with Jamie Lynn for a moment, what HAPPENED out there?"

Man In The Hat: "Look, obviously the kid didn't have a good night..."

HBO Reporter: "And it's not the first time. Beckham. Gaga. She was terrible in those fights, too..."

Man In The Hat: "All right, I didn't use the word 'terrible'. That's your word..."

HBO Reporter: "And I stand BY it..."

Neve: "You aren't going to be standing AT ALL in about ten seconds..."

Man In The Hat: "Cable Boy, I get where you're going with this. How about you let ME worry about that. The kid didn't fight well tonight. We...and SHE...were hoping for better. Ok? Now, next subject. Cable Boy II!"

Showtime Reporter: "Pink, this one is for you. Did Morrison surprise you out there?"

Pink: "Nah. I know how good she is. You don't beat Alli Mack if you aren't good. I got caught and she went for it, doubled down to get the ref to stop it. She won. And she deserved it. But, I'm ready for a rematch. Let's do it, Wiz!"

Man In The Hat(smiling): "This is why I love this kid. Oh, Lord, it's M.A.A.M!"

Madison Addison Abigail McKenzie: "Madison Addison Abigail McKenzie from Fighting Ingenue Magazine. Talk to me about Kristen. I think it's clear she's your best fly. When is she getting a push?"

Man In The Hat: "I like Kristen a lot. I call her 'The Five-Tool Player', because she IS. She's very athletic, does a lot of her own stunt work. She's tall for the weight. She's got an excellent punch. And she's as smart as any girl I've got. She studies her craft. She learns. She works hard. And she believes in herself. And she's done exactly what I've expected of her: taken advantage of every single opportunity I've given her. Maybe she thinks I don't notice all this. But, I do. Kristen is going places, young lady. Tess, dear, go ahead."

Tess: "Ke$ha and Serinda both looked good tonight..."

Man In The Hat: "Aww, Swanny's got as much talent as anyone I've got. The kid is big and strong for the weight, she can box, she can hit, she's a GREAT athlete, runs like a freakin' deer! I used to love watchin' her and Biel race when Jessica was workin' out here. You can hang with Biel in a foot race, you can freakin' RUN. And, of course, she ain't EVER losin' a disrobe. Swanny'd be an Alpha in a lot of stables, but we don't HAVE Alphas. But, trust me, I know how good she is and she's going to GET opportunities. As for Big K, well, she's a living example of Wiz's philosophy. In choosin' between the kid who knows how to pitch and the kid who can throw 95 miles an hour, I'll take the kid who can throw 95 every time. I can TEACH him to pitch. I can NOT teach the other kid to throw 95. Ke$ha can hit TRIPLE digits on any radar gun around. If you've seen her on stage, you know what kind of athlete she is. She has great feet and quick hands. She's also a full 5'10" and walks around a welter. She has big hands and feet like boats..."

Ke$ha(smiling): "Hey!"

Man In The Hat(smiling): "Sorry, kid. And she has one-punch power that most kids would kill for. Her physical gifts are the envy of almost everyone in the FCBA. She just needs to learn to USE 'em. It's coming. She's not wild like she used to be, but she still gets sloppy sometimes. She doesn't just wing away when she has a girl hurt anymore, but she still needs to learn some things about finishing. It'll all come. She just needs the work. And she'll get it. Smackeroo! Take us to dinner..."

Reporter: "Speaking of physically gifted girls, Katy did an excellent job tonight..."

Man In The Hat: "Ms. Perry has gotten to a point in her development where she can be VERY dangerous. She's no longer the wild brawler she used to be. She's much more effective now. She has the tools, she's stunningly lovely, and she's a huge freakin' star. She definitely has a bright future for us in two divisions. Now, dinner time. Tess, Smackey, limo!"