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19 July 2013 Kesha vs Rihanna

Page history last edited by Archer844 10 years, 5 months ago

Kesha 03.jpg Rihanna 01.jpg

Posted by simguy on July 19, 2013, 9:03 am

BEFORE: Fight nearly derailed with a "club-pounce" by Kesha and friends leads to an entourage brawl and charges-pending...Wiz with his work cut out keeping things on track. "I knocked out 3 of Ri's backup dancers during the club tilt," Kesha snarks in prefight, "was trying to get at Ri herself, but she just kept throwing her girls at me. If that's the kind of fighting spirit we can expect from this girl in the ring, don't be surprised if I get her out of there early. Like, first round early. What I'm saying is, get your popcorn quick and get back into your seats before I start swinging!"

Rihanna non-plussed - eager to put Kesha in her place. "In Jamaica, we don't stop punching until blonde girls lie still," Ri says at podium. "Kesha has a beating coming, and if I had my way, it wouldn't be quick, but I don't see this girl lasting long against my power. I'm too strong, too determined, too pissed at Kesha and her people. This will be the beating I would have given her in the club, if only I could have found her!"

Kesha in sturdy black bandeau with hipster-fit bottoms; black gloves; blonde hair in unruly curls. Rihanna in leopard print bandeau with hipster fit bottoms; black gloves; short, spiky black hair.

SPECIAL REFEREE: Mariah Carey in striped ref's shirt twist-tied beneath jugs and a showy scoop front revealing the titans; black hipster trunks.

SPECIAL COMMENTATOR AT RINGSIDE: Beyonce.

R1: Ri's left shoulder angled towards Kesha's right; Ri dukes up chest-high, palms out; Kesha right at her hip/left at her chest. Kesh leaning in with lead lefts, looking to smoke Ri a poke to chin; Ri weaving back from these offerings (onto right leg), letting Kesha come up short, then leaning back in to hook blonde ribs/chop righty to chin. Kesha slow to recover after committing on her power shots...Rihanna able to land while tall blonde girl's pulling all her parts back. Ri collecting shots in ones and twos - touching the body, finding the chin...all adds up late when Kesha's legs suddenly give way. Blonde girl alarmed - left foot stepping too far forward; right foot overcompensating by going too far back...blonde stumbles forward, recovers, only to take a RiRi hook to brisket at bell.

R2: Kesha getting the up-jab on Ri - blonde girl flicking that right hand off her up; stepping clockwise, looking for an angle from which to slot the big left. Ri slapping her left hand at Kesha's right, parrying/negotiating distance...Jamaican girl occasionally lunging in righty for kesha's right breast. Down the stretch, Kesha gets it right...just a little creep-step clockwise - backhanding out the right jab, then leaning into a WHISTLING left hand straight to chin! Streaking wallop catches Ri looking, drops her in a heap to her back...Knowles shouting "HOLY!" when big brunette hits the deck.

R3: Lefty/righty cat-and-mouse midring - Ri patient, waiting in the pocket for Kesha to stream in off her backhanded jabs - either timing blonde girl for a pre-emptive right uppercut, or weaving back to avoid Kesha's left, then looking to counter hook/right hand off the right leg. Kesha emboldened by the knockdown, trying for Rihanna's chin...she catches Ri leaning away a time or two, sending Jamaican staggering. Crowd oohing and ahhing at Kesha's commitment: she's clearly looking to finish the fight with every punch. Down the stretch, Kesha lunges in lefty: Ri slips, letting blonde left shoot over brunette left shoulder/upperback...Ri jerking the quick right uppercut to Kesha's unsuspecting under-belly; Ri straightening up into short-chopping hook to chin and BLONDE GIRL DOWN! Kesha stumbling to her left, trying to recover balance but crashing to her glutes instead...she's up at 8 but swaying in the wind, visibly rocked. ON COMES RI! Jamaican girl all hunched shoulders, strong legs, squaring on ramshackle blonde, hooking the tummy methodical; chopping tummy a tidy right hand; left uppercut catches Kesha's chin as she's bunching forward forward from body shots - blonde girl sprawling glassy-eyed into ropes. Chopping overhand right smashes Kesha's face, draping her all loose-limbed on ropes and BLONDE GIRL DOWN! Kesha slumping to her left, crashing onto her face...KO3 in violent fashion, Rihanna!

After: RiRi feeling her oats - giving Carey a healthy shove to get her out of the way so Ri can strut the ring hands high. Both girls swinging sledgehammers tonight...neither girl really looking to pace herself for a long fight as each had the stoppage in mind since training camp.