WEEKEND PPV

Posted by simguy on October 4, 2013, 9:05 am

BEFORE: Type-supremacy fight in the eyes of most...Elisha doesn't see it that way. "Piper's a bad-body blonde who WISHES she was my type," Cuthbert sulks at podium. "She's a junky-trunked hag who's gonna get beat sleepy, I can promise you that. One good hit from me and it'll be goodnight Piper!"

Perabo riding out the storm with poise...she's not the type to rile easily. "Look, Elisha's a dangerous fighter," Perabo admits at podium. "She's Lookout's Alpha bantam. She's a former champ. Lots of people think Lilly and Dushku were never really the same after fighting Cuthbert...and we all know how she put Blalock out of boxing. But Elisha Cuthbert is dumb. I'm not talking run of the mill, fail a math test dumb...Elisha's the special kind of dumb that makes her a walking blonde joke everywhere she goes. She's tuff and she hits hard, but with that 5 cent head of hers, she'll get hit more than she needs to be, hurt worse than she could have been, and she's never even heard of plan B in the ring. I'm just as strong as she is, but I've got way more upstairs than this chick ever dreamed of having. I'll find ways to blunt her edges, and make mine sharper. Count on it."

Lishy in black bikini festooned with little silver stars; white gloves; hair in shoulder-length tangles. Piper in white bikini top/navy bottoms with white flower print; white gloves; hair in beach bun with strands bracketing face.

During R1: Lishy hurtling in, overpowering Piper midring, driving her to ropes. Perabo disorganized at ropes: Cuthbert belts away overhand rights, bashing head and shoulders - BLUDGEONING PIPER TO HER KNEES! Perabo up quickly, but flustered, exhaling through pursed lips, eyes all wide and spooked. After 8, it's more Lishy...she barrels in, pushing Piper into ropes, wrestling to get hands free, then plowing away with random bashing action. Perabo grimacing - often pitting her brawny shoulders against Elisha's in writhing clinches, forcing Cuthbert to squirm her way free before slugging. Elisha happy in the slop at apron - stocky legs strong and planted, backside shuddering as she wrestles or slugs, beating Piper with an array of palm-down jammers and thumping hup-hup out of the muscular scrum inside.

R2: Piper adjusting, giving Elisha lateral movement, circling clockwise, leaning away from whistling Cuthbert haymakers as Elisha comes up just short. Cuthbert misses cue Piper's jotting counter-attacks - Perabo scoring one-two sharp to head; jab-jab-jabbing face while stepping clockwise; dropping one-twos again while shifting counter-clockwise. Elisha bobbing in her stance, throwing wild early, but being choosier late, bringing her feet with her inside and pounding at Piper's ribcage to avoid shutout.

R3: Same again - Piper using footwork to take away Elisha's hurtling momentum, turning Cuthbert midring, touching her. Perabo working behind the jab, dropping stubby right hands: Elisha turning, bobbing in crossed-arm, looking grouchy. Piper picking spots to step in with her hook, chopping heavily at Elisha's chest, then fitting her tummy for the scooping right hand. Cuthbert absorbs the blasts, stands her ground and proves stubborn down the stretch, grinding it out pate-on-pate to bell as Perabo lingers inside.

R4: Same again - Elisha effective when girls grind head and shoulders, trading cuffing clouts head and body in close. Outside it's a different story - Piper stepping effectively to either side, working her jab...once she's got Elisha bobbing in crossed-arm, it's a matter of timing and accuracy, punching away one-two on Cuthbert. Extra touches and initiative belong to Piper - she can withdraw or re-initiate at will: Cuthbert only fighting bump-and-slug at close quarters.

R5: Piper hooking off the jab midring, doing her thing - but a swinging hook out wide catches her across the mouth, startling her, allowing Elisha to tackle Piper to ropes. Fight devolves into a series of messy entanglements...girls struggling to get their arms in under the other's armpits and lever the opponent into ropes. Tumbling reversals along the aprons visit every corner - girl on top crowding close, feeding her foe pumping tummy punches; beating arms and flanks; trying to get in on jug via fists or forearms. It's Elisha's element - Perabo looking distressed as she's compacted into ropes, grunting from body-thump, grimacing with the effort of wrestling Elisha into the cables. Bell: Cuthbert happily pushing up off Piper, jogging back to corner with her heels playfully kicking her own buttocks en route. Perabo frowning, thinking things through, hands on hips as she walks.

R6: Piper P breaks out the class, shutting Elisha out. Perabo's eyes narrowed, lips tight as she circles clockwise around a stiff stick; shifts counter-clockwise around tart one-twos; pops her hips-right to get leverage on belting hooks to Elisha's breadbasket. Cuthbert grimacing, bobbing - her right forearm crossed atop her left as she tries to work her way into Piper without success. Perabo never crisper - just keeping busy on Elisha, never letting her square away. At the bell, Piper belts Elisha's jugs a saucy left hook, just to send the message: "I'm taking what I want" through 6.

R7: Elisha desperate to close and bang, but reckless on the attack: she blunders into a muscular check-hook to chin that puts her wobbly-butt, on her heels early on. Piper electing to reach in under hurting-Elisha's arms and walk her to ropes: cue beatdown at Cuthbert covers up with back of right hand at left cheek/left tucked up into right armpit. Piper just squared away and bullying - pushing Elisha's shoulders to set; thumping Elisha's waistline left/right; clobbering Elisha about her head and shoulders. Cuthbert bobbing sullenly, curvy legs sponging up a terrific beating as Piper stays disciplined. Bell to bell Perabo waxing Elisha has Minka grinning happily at ringside - camera catching an animated Kelly really enjoying the show.

R8: Swinging haymakers from Elisha initially miss as Piper leans away, but Perabo's spooked, hesitant, allowing Cuthbert to close distance and land some slammers! Perabo hammered to ropes - eyes staring, lips parted in shock...she'd come out to apply the finishing touches this round, but Elisha won't have it! PIPER'S turn to cover up in tight earmuff, stooping forward butt-in-ropes...healthy, free-swinging payback from Cuthbert as she bashes away to glory. Elisha in rhythm - crossing her arms to bob into Piper's guard, then it's a wide left hook taking Perabo in behind right elbow; swinging right claiming her left hip; brawny right uppercut testing the guard. Elisha grinning, back all shiny with sweat as she works her girl - it's just one blonde pushing and stacking another, then letting her have it. Piper cringing, really getting walloped on her flanks and arms...curvy legs hold her up, but she's trembling, fighting back tears at bell after Elisha pushes off all "I'm big".

R9: More Elisha. Piper showing don't-hurt-me eyes...it's like putting out fire with gasoline as Elisha reaches in, chests Piper to ropes and gets to work. Perabo groggy in the pocket - hands at temples, elbows in tight, twisting and bobbing slightly, just trying to ride Elisha's storm. Cuthbert with her head pressing on Piper's guard, then POUNDING Perabo's ribs on either side...Elisha really popping her hips/getting her back into these ripping shots. Elisha using that brawny left shoulder to bump Perabo, stabilizing her for the next series...Cuthbert just exploding into Piper, really punishing her. Bell: Piper's eyes shiny with tears, backside shuddering as she staggers back to port; Elisha skipping back to her corner, giddily reporting, "I think she's quitting!"

R10: Piper mouthbreathing, but rallying from good Cuthbert minutes...Perabo setting traps, walking 'Lishy into the jab; fitting her for the short right uppercut, then tying up as Elisha stumbles in. Cuthbert too strong to tie up for long...she's belting away hips/belly/ribs - trying to catch chin when Perabo withdraws...then it's more trap-boxing as Piper sets and slugs. Inconclusive 10th makes it 5 rounds to 4 for Piper, but Cuthbert's knockdown makes the fight a draw. Both girls eager to fight the overtime settlement procedure, agreeing to it midring before anyone can counsel otherwise.

R11: Piper organizing a fighting retreat - jabbing Elisha on the way in, treating her to the right uppercut, hooking her on the step-back. Cuthbert wading through it, driving Perabo to ropes by the minute mark: sets up a toe to toe siege as Piper digs in, swaps side to side wallop. Crowd going insane as blonde girls dip into crashing lefts and rights...gloves bouncing off heads and shoulders in search of chin. Caroming right hand to temple finally unhinges Piper's knees...she sags back into ropes, momentarily stunned, blinking. Bludgeoning overhand right crashes off Piper's face as Elisha dives in...Perabo swooning, helpless, but Cuthbert's not even aware of her foe's plight! Elisha on autopilot, pushing off Perabo's tummy, hooking her open mouth, feeding her another crashing overhand right...Piper ragdoll now, drifting into ropes, hands dropping. Elisha just belting away hooks and bashing overhand rights, getting her back into mayhem until PIPER GOES DOWN! Seconds left, but ref pushes Elisha away as Perabo's fast asleep on her face. KO11 in brutal fashion, Elisha Cuthbert.

After: Most willful little slugger in the business does it again, hammering out a tough, sturdy Piper Perabo in overtime. Camera catches a sombre Minka blinking, being very quiet, looking almost shellshocked...she knows that was a sensational Elisha Cuthbert performance, and it's got Minka a little shook up. "I'm best-in-show!" Elisha bleats in postfight. "Piper came in like she was going to wear me down, but I wasn't having it! I USED HER UP! She said how dumb I am - well who's dumb now? Hey? How dumb are you when you're lying face down in a puddle of quit? Smartest girl in the ring is the one who's AWAKE at the end! Hah!"