BBU & ACB present "The Ashes 2013" - Day One

Posted by Vassago on October 11, 2013, 1:32 pm

After couple of heavy knockout victories from Miranda Kerr and Delta Goodrem, the entire ACB camp is visibly animated and Georgie Thompson reports the visitors actually believe that Ricki-Lee Coulter could send Nicola McLean packing which would forge the Oz fighters ahead at half-distance unless Jaye Jacobs can pull off the upset of the decade by conquering Erika Heynatz. "Lots of ifs and buts, Denise and I can tell you that Nikki Visser is absolutely pumped about Coulter's chances against Nicola."

However the ACB coaching staff might need to look few months back when Nicola McLean was touted as the one who stops Erika Heynatz's reign of terror only to suffer a sixth round stoppage loss in March. Denise van Outen claims Nicola is ready for a rematch in the upcoming months and remains one of the hardest hitting welters in UK. There's no such love for the buxom blonde from Kylie Minogue who questions Nicola's brain powers: "Anyone who thinks about being ready for Erika is just a stupid airhead! And can I call McLean Miss Plastic Bag? We've already got Cheryl Cole covered as the Plastic Whore back in Melbourne and now this McLean chick! I've never seen soooo phoney boobs in my life! Ricki will have fun punching them into submission and I will have fun watching that happen!"

As Kylie's bragging continues before yet another fight, Denise van Outen begins to wonder if the pop singer uses her bathroom breaks to have one shot of whisky too many. But there's no place for such evaluations for the time being as the action in the ring is about to start.

Ricki-Lee Coulter wearing a golden bikini top, white knickers and green gloves. Nicola McLean wearing her trademark red bikini set with black laces and black gloves.

Round 1:
Whatever the advice Nikki Visser gave Ricki-Lee it spurs the Aussie girl into a romping attack on the local blonde and perhaps McLean isn't all that well known Down Under since Coulter bounces off her guard despite a spirited attack and eats a huge right hook on the eye that sags her on the spot and enables Nicola to pour in with more leather straight afterwards. The big puncher reputation meets an easy target as Coulter's head gets snapped around in wake of a mammoth left/right combo that catches the brunette on the nose and wobbles back but Nicola wants more and cross-hooks the face again as Ricki fails to recover.. Another left on the cheek, right on the jaw and McLean slices through her foe better than a hot knife through butter... Coulter half-spins to the side and gets whacked on the mouth with a big jab moments later that SENDS HER CRASHING FLAT ON HER BACK inside the opening minute... Kylie Minogue nearly chokes on her headset as Denise van Outen bursts out laughing, "Welcome to the Nicola World", reads out a sign in the crowd and Ricki opens her eyes really wide as she gets up at six only to be blasted with a massive jabbing combo on the nose again... punishing display from the former title challenger and it looks like the P3 blonde wants another try at Heynatz after all, she pummels a cumbersome brunette to the ropes and switches her attacks lower, she's got Coulter trapped and covering up but it makes no difference as she nails her between the arms and keeps landing leather on the nose... Ricki-Lee is getting hammered into submission on the ropes and wilts under the barrage.. can't blame her... another left hook bangs her on the eye and before a follow up from the right bursts her nostrils red.. COULTER DOWN AGAIN... falling like a sack of potatoes on her side and Nicola has well and truly come to the races tonight... Nikki Visser slumps away from her corner and Elle Mac takes over but it's all too late... Coulter tries to beat the count for the second time but as she makes it back upright at seven, she wobbles back onto the ropes and falls flat on her bum again, too dizzy to continue and it's all over... KO1 Nicola McLean!!!

AFTER: "Take that, you filthy cow!", Nicola aims her abuse at Elle Mac instead of the fallen brunette but the visitors are stunned, shocked, bamboozled even and call for Erika Heynatz's entrance from the locker room already. "That will take some beating for the quickest KO of the Ashes!", Denise van Outen is keen to add another pun to Kylie's audacious remarks earlier and the otherwise talkative singer bites her tongue this time and follows her coaches suit, "Nevermind! Let's get Erika in da house! That was horrible what we saw just now!"

(...) Off screen: "Tell me again, Denise, are Nicola's boobs for real? Guess she can punch as big as her tits tell me! What a frickin' nightmare for Ricki-Lee! She didn't deserve any second of the beating she took! McLean caught her off guard thanks to crazy tactics from Nikki! Thank God we've got Erika next since I see Yvonne in the VIP lounge making some odd gestures! I don't think Nikki will come back tomorrow, that's another bad coaching mistake she made tonight!"

"That's your problem, Kylie, not mine. We're up 5-3 and have a much stronger line-up on Day Two, remember?"

"Don't you even remind me, honey! Where's Erika? I want some blood... NOW!!!"

Final result: Nicola McLean def. Ricki-Lee Coulter KO1.