ODDS AND BABES AT THE ASYLUM

Posted by simguy & The Wiz on October 20, 2013, 9:24 pm

BEFORE:

"Oh, sure, she's the favorite," says a smiling Cat. "But, let's remember, she's around number five on Front Street's big girl depth chart. I've fought better and held my own, and I'll hold my own, and more, with Ruah."

"I'm not worried what number I am in the pecking order at Front Street," says Daniela with a trace of a smile. "I'm just concerned about the results in the ring tonight. Spoiler alert: me with my hand raised."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "We're back at ringside and that's 'Cat Scratch Fever' pounding through the arena, and that can only mean the lovely Cat Deeley is on her way to the ring..."

McCarthy: "I'm surprised at how often Deeley shows up at Asylum, because, you know, she's actually WON an FCBA fight, unlike a lot of the stiffs the Weirdo brings in here..."

Cassie: "She's not only WON some, she's shown quite a bit of skill in some of her losses. She had Lis Rohm hopelessly behind in their fight here at Asylum until Rohmmy stopped her in the eighth."

Tess: "Like Sarah Chalke, Cat represents Beever's Babes, a frequent visitor to Asylum..."

O'Dell: "Deeley into the ring, helped off with the robe to reveal a black number that does her body good, and that's 'Nothing Else Matters' by Metallica, and here comes 'The Portugese Princess', Daniela Ruah..."

McCarthy: "Another typically overrated Dancing Hooker. If I were running Front Street, I'd dump Ruah, Decker, Swan, and the like and just push the two real fighters the stable has, Torv and Sobieski. But Weirdo is so dumb that he holds back girls like them, who should be on PPV regularly, to get work for mediocre girls like Ruah..."

Cassie: "Um, did you SEE the fight when she had Lawrence beaten?"

McCarthy: "Yes, and a REAL fighter would have FINISHED her! If you think Lawrence would have pulled out a final round KO against The Chin Checker, you're dumber than I thought..."

Cassie: "For the folks scoring at home, JENNY MCCARTHY is calling people dumb..."

O'Dell(sighing): "Ruah into the ring, helped off with the robe by Jewel and Neve to reveal that baby blue number she and the audience both seem to like, and the ladies are about ready. Let's get some picks. Tess is on record as favoring Daniela. What do you think, Mac?"

McCarthy: "Well, as I said, Ruah is overrated, so I wouldn't be SHOCKED if Cat won, but you have to favor Daniela. And, before you ask, Cassie agrees with Tess..."

Cassie: "Correct!"

McCarthy: "Ha! I got you! You just agreed with ME!"

Cassie: "No, I said you were correct that I agreed with Tess."

McCarthy: "SAME THING!"

Cassie: "No, it's not."

McCarthy: "YES IT IS!"

Cassie: "Isn't."

McCarthy: "IS, TOO!"

Cassie: "No it isn't."

McCarthy: "YES, IT ISSSSSSSS!"

O'Dell: "If you two are finished with your Monty Python sketch..."

McCarthy: "Who's Monty Python? Was he that Crocodile Hunter guy?"

Tess: "Why would...how...Monty Python isn't a GUY..."

Cassie: "Tess. Worth it?"

Tess(sighing): "Probably not..."

McCarthy: "What ARE you two babbling about?"

O'Dell: "BELL! There's the bell for the first...and both girls quickly to the left hand. Two tall beauties in this one, and both like to operate at range."

Tess: "Ruah actually reminds me a lot of 'The Chin Checker', Adrianne Palicki. Tall, rangy, lot of one-punch power..."

McCarthy: "The difference is, PALICKI is a CHAMPION and the best lightweight in the world. RUAH is a typical under achieving Dancing Hooker!"

O'Dell: "Neither girl doing much dancing out there right now. Both slipping, sliding, angling, using the jab to set up right hands. Ruah landing with a bit more power, but Deeley showing plenty of skill, very slick, putting punches together well."

Cassie: "Got to like the stuff from both girls right now. Both aggressive, but smooth. Accurate, precise stuff. Getting to spots, setting the punches up well. Good, professional work."

O'Dell: "Ruah landing a clean right that got Cat's attention. Deeley responds with a flurry and Dani fires right back with one of her own. Final seconds tick off with the ladies continuing to box at range. There's the bell. Good, close round, but Ruah had the better of it."

McCarthy: "Not by a lot, but I'm giving it to her."

Tess: "And with it, the 10-9 lead."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Back to action in the second, and we're back to boxing at range. Deeley doubling up her jab, slide stepping. Ruah stepping with, getting to her spots, going left-right."

Cassie: "Dani looking to set up that big right hand. As Tess said, she has as much one-punch power as any lightweight in the FCBA..."

McCarthy: "Siri, call Sceej and make sure he hasn't shipped Palicki to the BBU! Because apparently Scabbo thinks she's not in the FCBA anymore..."

O'Dell(sighing): "Deeley showing excellent feet. Not a lot of dancing or circling, just angling and moving. Always in a good spot to get the left home. Often able to follow on with nice combinations. Ruah dropping in some solid right hands in response."

Tess: "Cassie's right. This is good stuff from both fighters. A lot of skill on display in this one..."

McCarthy: "If you two are done with your mutual precipitation society, can we let Jenny call the fight?"

Cassie: "Is it raining outside, Tess?"

Tess: "No, I don't think it is."

McCarthy: "What ARE you two BABBLING about?"

O'Dell: "YouTube, here we come. Meanwhile, back in the ring, both ladies still finding the range in combination. Boxing well. Putting punches together right to the bell. Another close round, but this one for the blonde I think."

McCarthy: "Agreed. Which makes it 19-19 after two."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "Into the third now, and Deeley showing more movement now, head, hands and shoulders, footwork. Again, no dancing, just clever stuff, fouling Ruah's range finders, making Dani miss, looking to fight in counter now..."

McCarthy: "See, THIS is why you shouldn't compare Ruah to Palicki. Adrianne would have had Deeley out of there by now, instead of spending two plus rounds getting out smarted. Of course, how smart can she BE? She signed with Weirdo!"

O'Dell: "Deeley using that slide step to perfection, staying just a hair off center, not letting Ruah square her up. Daniela looking to seek with the left and destroy with the right, but not having much luck...AND THERE'S A RIGHT HAND COUNTER FROM CAT! Deeley wobbled Ruah with that one!"

Tess: "Beautifully timed!"

O'Dell: "And Cat immediately to clean up mode. Going to work with both hands. Backing Ruah up. Daniela covering up, giving ground, staying off the ropes, but keeping the hands high and the guard tight. Cat looking for the off switch, but there's nothing sloppy here. Good, clean, sound stuff, setting up her punches. Working hard and effectively. Ruah jabbing back in spots, ties up now, runs some clock, and there's the bell ending the third. Ruah survives, but it's a shutout round for Cat Deeley!"

Cassie: "29-28 Cat, through three. Very impressive stuff from the blonde."

ROUND FOUR:

O'Dell: "Fourth round underway and we're back to the long-range shelling. Deeley again clever. Moving well. Never where Daniela can land clean. Ruah working the jab. Patient...."

Cassie: "AND THERE'S THE RIGHT HAND!"

O'Dell: "DEELEY STAGGERED! STUMBLES BACK INTO THE ROPES AFTER A NASTY RIGHT CROSS TO THE SIDE OF THE HEAD!"

Tess: "Didn't get the chin or the referee would be counting right now..."

O'Dell: "But plenty of damage done. Deeley backed against the ropes, legs untrustworthy, and now it's Ruah on clean up duty! Dani banging away at Cat's guard, going body to lower it, loading up on the left hook. Deeley with the hands high, covering up, sliding along the ropes, looking to spin and escape, but Ruah having none of it, keeping her pinned..."

Cassie: "Dani is an excellent finisher, as nine KOs in her last 13 fights will attest..."

O'Dell: "And she's looking to make it 10 for 14 right now. Ruah a good right hand, snaps the head back with a straight left. Deeley hanging on, throwing back on occasion. Not going to make the ref's decision easy, but Ruah firing shell after shell right to the bell. Deeley survives, but it's a shutout for Daniela."

McCarthy: "And that evens it up at 38 after four."

ROUND FIVE:

O'Dell: "Back to work in the fifth, and Ruah looking to follow up on that big fourth. Cat not having any, though. Seems to have the legs back under her, and she's back to managing distance and position. Slipping and sliding, dipping and ducking, stepping and popping. Ruah again missing more than she's hitting, just like in the fifth..."

Tess: "Mac, if you were in Ruah's corner, what would you tell her to do right now? What adjustment would you make?"

McCarthy: "Well, first I'd tell her to get better management. But, seriously, folks, maybe I'd tell her to be more patient. Maybe stop fighting lead. Make Deeley come to her. Cat wants to fight counter and she's having success doing it. I might just wait on her."

O'Dell: "Dani IS finding the range some, but not often enough, and when she's short, or when she's off, Deeley scores in counter. Cat very slick and slippery right now..."

Cassie: "This girl has a lot more skill than she's been given credit for, and it's on display right now. Sometimes, I think European fighters get underrated in the FCBA, beyond the obvious like Arterton, Zeta-Jones or Beck..."

McCarthy: "Don't you mention THAT NAME!"

Cassie: "Insale..."

McCarthy: "She's YESTERDAY'S NEWS! DID YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENED TO HER ON THE PAY-PER-VIEW! SHE'S FINISHED! SPENT! A TOOTHLESS OLD TIGRESS WHO'S GETTING BY ON HER REPUTATION! I WANT HER! I WANT HER IN THAT RING RIGHT NOW! I'LL WHIP HER COTTAGE CHEESE A**!"

O'Dell: "Now, calm DOWN, Mac, while we're still on the air! The only thing HBO has ready to run is a marathon of the unaired episodes of 'Viva Laughlin!'"

Tess: "I'm pretty sure those were confiscated and destroyed by the NSA..."

O'Dell: "Final seconds of the fifth ticking away. Deeley still flummoxing Ruah right to the bell. That's it for the fifth, and Cat is back on top!"

Cassie: "48-47. Through five."

ROUND SIX:

O'Dell: "We're into the sixth now and Ruah going to work with that long left hand, range finding as Cat dips and slips, looking to counter. Dani patient now. Not forcing. Keeping the hands up. Working the feet to get to spots before she lets the hands go..."

Tess: "Not giving Cat many openings to counter...just like Mac predicted last round..."

McCarthy: "THEY'RE DOING IT AGAIN! This is like Perry moving to welter all over again! They're stealing my ideas! They've got some kind of secret microphone planted around here and they're listening in!"

Tess: "Um, Mac, millions of people are listening on the not-so-secret microphone that's attached to your HEADSET..."

McCarthy: "What? Wait...SHUT UP WALMART!"

Cassie: "And, there you have it, folks. The microphone is attached to a headset. Andf the headset is attached to something BIG and EMPTY..."

McCarthy: "You SHUT IT, TOO, SCABBO!"

O'Dell: "Remember, boys, just the one shot. Only Tess counts, according to the official rules. Meanwhile, back in the ring, Ruah staying patient. All right with picking her spots. Content to land in ones and twos. Denying Deeley the openings she's gotten most of the night."

Tess: "Cat still taking advantage of what she gets, though."

O'Dell: "She is, indeed. Both fighters again boxing well, and both scoring their share of points. Bit of a chess match has developed and they keep moving their pieces right to the bell. Another close round, but Dani got the better of it..."

McCarthy: "Which makes it 57-57 on our cards, but, with so many close rounds, the judges could have either girl ahead a couple of points."

ROUND SEVEN:

O'Dell: "Seventh underway and both ladies have settled into their fight plans, boxing at range. Ruah remaining patient. Not allowing many openings. Cat still fighting counter, but not nearly as effectively now, as Dani seems to have gotten into a nice rhythm..."

McCarthy: "And, if you're Deeley, here's where you want to change things up some. In a fight like this, when the other girl's adjusting to you, you need to disrupt that."

O'Dell: "Deeley still moving and slipping well, but Ruah landing a higher percentage and not giving Cat much to shoot at."

Cassie: "This is good stuff from Ruah. She's not just a one-punch slugger. As you saw against Lawrence, she can BOX, as she's demonstrating right now."

O'Dell: "Ruah taking more and more command as the round goes on. Finding the mark with more and more leather. Deeley countering in spots, but not doing nearly enough to make this round competitive. Dani working everything off that laser left. Using the right hand in just the right spots. Final seconds tick off, and that's the seventh. And it's a shutout for Ruah.

Tess: "67-66 with three to go. And, with all those close rounds, anyone's fight."

ROUND EIGHT:

O'Dell: "We begin the eighth with Ruah back to work with the left, leaves the right a bit short, Deeley counters with a left over top. And again. Deeley negotiating distance again and back to countering effectively..."

Tess: "What's she doing, Mac? What are you seeing?"

McCarthy: "Drop step with the left foot, off Ruah's jab. Leaves her right short. Then Deeley steps up with the right and lands her left. She's keeping the right hand high, to pick off jabs, moving the head and shoulders, making herself a very hard target again...the other stuff she's been doing, but the back step is the adjustment."

O'Dell: "And it's working just fine, thank you. Ruah again missing much more than she usually does, and Deeley is turning those misses into counter opportunities."

Cassie: "Cat not landing power shots, but it's good, clean stuff and she's racking up points with it. And, if you've watched her in the past, you know this is her game. Slick boxing for points."

O'Dell: "And she's playing it very well down the stretch. Ruah still not solving this latest wrinkle. Deeley slick, elusive, turning every miss into points. Final seconds tick off and there's the bell. And it's a shutout Deeley!"

Cassie: "76-76 with two to go. On our cards, anyway. No telling what the judges have down."

ROUND NINE:

O'Dell: "We're into the ninth now, and Ruah's had enough of boxing. Daniela pressuring now, moving forward behind the left, banging home right hands. Deeley not going to be forced backward. Firing back in counter, and here we go!"

McCarthy: "Both fighters know how close this thing is, and they're both determined to win it now!"

O'Dell: "And they're mixing it up in a big way! Ruah fighting lead, very busy, letting the hands go. Deeley just as busy in response and we've got the most pitched battle of the fight so far."

Tess: "Long haul, this favors Daniela because of her power, but it's late in the game now. Short term, Deeley can make this work!"

O'Dell: "And she's trying to do just that right now. She's going right at Ruah, and Daniela more than willing to play this game. The brunette has all the guns firing, landing good, solid shot, but the blonde won't be suppressed. Cat firing back hard. And neither girl slowing as we head for the bell. One more big exchange and there it is! End of the ninth and what a round!"

McCarthy: "Ruah, but not by much."

Cassie: "Which makes it 86-85 on our cards, with one to go."

ROUND TEN:

O'Dell: "The tenth and final underway and Ruah right back at Deeley and Cat again willing to mix it up. Neither girl going to leave any shells in the magazines. Going to use them all up by the end of this round!"

McCarthy: "Ruah really forcing the pace now, leaving herself open for counters, but determined to score in the lead. Not waiting for Deeley anymore..."

O'Dell: "Because there's no more time to wait. The fight is in the balance in the tenth and both women definitely showing the proper urgency. Ruah continuing to press pace, and Deeley continuing to match her flurry for flurry."

Tess: "Got to like how Cat is approaching this. Not going to be spooked by Ruah's power at this point. Going to go all in to win."

O'Dell: "Which is precisely what she's doing as we come down the stretch. Deeley firing away with both hands. Ruah responding and Deeley responding to that. Back and forth right to the final bell. And THERE'S that hug Mac loves so much..."

McCarthy: "This is a prize fight, not WOODSTOCK..."

Cassie: "Says the only member of the team old enough to REMEMBER Woodstock..."

McCarthy: "I AM NOT OLD ENOUGH TO...SHUT UP, SCABBO!"

O'Dell: "Final round was a close one, like so many of them. I went Ruah, but the judges may have seen it differently. Decision could go either way, frankly. Being announced now, and it's unanimous, 96-94, your winner by UD10, 'The Portugese Princess', Daniela Ruah!"

McCarthy: "But, if you're Beever's Babes management, you have to like what you saw from Cat. She's got skills, range, and conditioning, and she showed all three along with a lot of compete tonight."

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"

Tess: "I'm with our winner, Daniela Ruah, and, Dani, that was quite a fight..."

Daniela: "She's good, Tess. She can fight and we've seen that from her before. I didn't expect a walkover tonight. I knew it would be a fight, and I knew, if I fought well, I'd win it."

Tess: "What's next for you?"

Daniela: "I don't know. We have big crowds at light and welter. But, I'm sure I'll get opportunities, and, when they come, I'll be ready for them."