ODDS AND BABES AT THE ASYLUM

Posted by simguy & The Wiz on October 20, 2013, 9:29 pm

BEFORE:

"Ahh, back in Philadelphia," says Fergie with a smile. "Fergie Ferg returns to the scene of the crime. And, by 'the crime', I mean the decision that went against me in this building two years ago. And, people tell me, Fergie, you can't expect to go into Asylum and get a decision against a hometown girl. And, maybe they're right. So, tonight, The Duchess ain't leavin' it up to the judges. Imma step over Allison Mack's knocked out body instead."

"So, Fergie's back for another shot at me," says Allison with a shake of the head. "Some girls NEVER learn."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Back at ringside and that's 'Fergalicious' you hear on the sound system and here comes the singer of that tune, Beever's Babes' Fergie!"

Tess: "As Fergie pointed out in the pre-fight interview, she's no stranger to Asylum. In fact, she fought Allison Mack here in April of 2011 on the second-ever Asylum Card..."

McCarthy: "Ahh, those were the days. Just Jenny O'Dell and me, two Hall of Famers, no 'journalists' and no snarky flyweights..."

Cassie: "Um, was Charlize Theron on the crew?"

McCarthy: "No, she was NOT! I just said it was just ME and Jenny O'Dell..."

Cassie: "Then, I'm confused, because you said TWO Hall of Famers. Now, I know JENNY O'DELL is in the Hall..."

McCarthy: "What are you IMPLYING, Scabbo?"

Cassie: "I'm not IMPLYING anything. I'm STATING that the only way YOU can get into the Hall of Fame is to buy a ticket!"

McCarthy: "I WILL be in the Hall of Fame! I'm the Greatest Fighting Playmate of All-Time! I'm the Playmate of the Freakin' CENTURY! No FCBA Hall of Fame is complete WITHOUT me!"

Tess: "Um, Fergie climbing into the ring..."

McCarthy: "HEY! That's RIGHT! You work for the magazine that inducts the Hall of Famers! Why aren't I in the Hall of Fame, Walmart???"

Tess: "Remember when I said how much I enjoyed having you on the broadcasts, Cassie? I'm rethinking that position..."

McCarthy: "I DEMAND INCLUSION IN THE HALL OF FAME! SIRI, CALL MY ATTORNEY! I'LL SUE!"

O'Dell(sighing): "Fergie helped off with the robe to reveal a red number that shows off a body that has the crowd buzzing..."

McCarthy: "Not bad. Not quite Playmate-level, but way better than the mess you're ABOUT to see..."

Oh, the shark, babe
Has such teeth, dear...

McCarthy: "UNbelievable!"

O'Dell: "And, of course, that's 'Mack The Knife' by Bobby Darin, and that can only mean..."

McCarthy: "It SHOULD only mean that the great 'Mac The Knife', future Hall of Famer, is on her way to the ring. And that's what it DID mean until Weirdo stole..."

Tess: "Bought the rights to..."

McCarthy: "My..."

Tess: "His..."

McCarthy: "Song, and started using it for that pretender, Allison Mack!"

O'Dell: "And, in case you didn't get all that, fans, Allison 'Mack The Knife' Mack is on her way to ringside. Mack into the ring wearing that black robe with 'Mack The Knife' on it, the silver knife glittering beneath the lettering, a single drop of blood dripping from the blade..."

Tess: "How come you never had a robe like that, Mac?"

McCarthy: "Because it didn't make any sense to put something fancy over what all the folks in the audience REALLY wanted to see!"

O'Dell: "Mack helped off with the robe by Jewel and Neve to reveal a deep red bikini..."

McCarthy: "And an overrated body..."

O'Dell: "And it's time for some picks. Tess has picked Allison, Mac, what do you think?"

McCarthy: "Allison Mack is one of the worst of the Dancing Hookers. Overrated and not NEARLY hot enough to fight in the FCBA. Fergie hasn't been in an FCBA ring in two years, but I STILL think she'll beat that phony!"

O'Dell: "Cassie?"

Cassie: "I agree with Tess..."

O'Dell: "And there's the bell for the first, and these to wasting no time going to work. Both like to bang on the inside, and that's exactly what they're up to at the start of this one. Both working some body, but not neglecting the upstairs..."

Cassie: "As much as Mack likes to grind in close, Fergie's served pretty well by these terms. She's shorter than Allison and doesn't have the reach Mack does."

O'Dell: "Both women landing some SOLID stuff. Fergie a GOOD right hand. Mack a NASTY left hook. Lots of power shots finding the range as the two hard-hitting bantams bang away!"

Tess: "And neither one taking a backward step. They're just having at one another, throwing bomb after bomb..."

O'Dell: "Mack ANOTHER hard left...AND FERGIE WOBBLES HER WITH A RIGHT AND DROPS HER TO HER KNEES WITH A LEFT HOOK!"

McCarthy: "YES! YES! GET HER, FERGIE!"

O'Dell: "Fergie to a neutral corner. Ref's count at three, four, five. And Mack to her feet. Takes the mandatory and on comes Fergie. Lands one good right hand, but there's the bell ending the first!"

Cassie: "And, with one punch, Fergie turns an even round into a 10-8 round and grabs the early lead!"

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Back to action in the second and we're right back in the phone booth. Both women banging away heavy, concentrating upstairs now, but not ignoring the body. NASTY right hand Fergie, but Mack responds with a big left hook..."

Tess: "This is an old fashions jack-fest in there! Not much art to this. Just trading leather!"

O'Dell: "No question about it, and, again, doing so on even terms. Mack now going downstairs more, while Fergie continues to work mostly to the head. Allison digging into those ribs. Fergie lands a good left hook to the chin...AND MACK DROPS HER WITH A RIGHT HAND!"

Cassie: "Nasty right cross from Allison! Sent Fergie right to her back..."

McCarthy: "Get UP! Get UP!"

O'Dell: "Mack to a neutral corner and the count is three. Four. Five. Six. Fergie to her hands and knees and pushes to her feet at eight. Referee gives her the mandatory and Allison right back on her, landing a good combination. Fergie fires right back with a left-right of her own and here we go again, the ladies pounding away inside right to the bell!"

Cassie: "And, again, one punch turns an even round into a 10-8, this time for Allison, and it's 18-18 after two!"

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "Third round underway and we're right back to working in close. Both fighters banging inside, neither willing to retreat. Leather being traded in large amounts both to the head and body..."

McCarthy: "If Front Street had anyone who knew anything about boxing in that corner, they'd TELL Mack that she's playing into Fergie's hands by doing this and have her start working at longer range..."

Cassie: "I'm not surprised, because, again, the thing holding your headset is big and empty, but you COVERED the first fight and I can't believe you don't remember that this is exactly how Allison won that one, wearing Fergie down to the body during an even first half and pulling away in the second!"

McCarthy: "Listen you little...I remember that first fight VERY well!"

O'Dell: "And, as Cassie points out, this one looks a lot like that one. The two fighters thumping away in close quarters. Neither giving the other any room. More body work in this round than either of the first two, but, again, neither girl ignoring the upstairs."

McCarthy: "Fergie even busier in this round than she was in the first two. Working VERY hard inside."

O'Dell: "As is Allison Mack, who has an answer for just about everything Fergie's throwing in there. It's toe to toe and leather to flesh as we head down the stretch. Neither woman slowing in the final seconds. If anything they're upping the work rate and, once again, digging away inside right to the bell! Close, but Fergie's round, I think..."

Tess: "And that puts her back ahead, 28-27 with three in the books."

ROUND FOUR:

O'Dell: "We begin the fourth, and nobody looking to renegotiate terms at this point. They're right back to work on the inside, and both girls working hard. A little more body work this time. That's increasing by the round..."

Cassie: "That's because we have two smart fighters and two sharp corners. The longer this goes, the more important body work is going to be and both sides know it."

Tess: "Front Street corner has to figure that Mack wore Fergie down once before like this and she can do it again..."

O'Dell: "That might be the thinking. But Fergie and her corner don't seem overly concerned about it. The Duchess looking very comfortable inside with Mack..."

McCarthy: "Which is precisely why Mack shouldn't be in there with her. Adjust. Use your reach. Make her come to you."

O'Dell: "Instead Mack coming to Fergie and vice versa. Both fighters again working hard on the interior, keeping up the work rate as the round goes on, showing the excellent conditioning of both fighters. The body work getting downright nasty here in the final seconds. There's the bell. The fourth is over. And it's another close one to Fergie."

Tess: "Which puts the Duchess up 38-36 through four."

ROUND FIVE:

O'Dell: "Fifth round begins with more phone booth action, as our two ladies are toe to toe again, digging inside, working body, tossing leather..."

McCarthy: "And anyone who thought Mack The Fraud was going to be too much for Fergie in a fight like this is getting a rude awakening. The Duchess more than holding her own on the inside."

O'Dell: "That she is, Mac, but Allison also scoring in there, banging downstairs with quite a bit of gusto, working her way up on occasion, scoring very well. Fergie again giving as good as she gets, likes this short-range stuff and is clearly good at it..."

Cassie: "This is a girl who needs more FCBA work. She can fight fly or bantam, and I think she can beat a lot of girls in both those divisions."

O'Dell: "I have no doubt of it off what we've seen of her here at Asylum. Fergie banging midsection now, and Allison firing right back upstairs, landed a good left in there and a nice right hand follow. Final seconds ticking away with Mack and the Duchess still busy in tight. There's the bell and our third consecutive close one, this one, though for Allison..."

Tess: "Which, if the judges have seen these last three rounds like we have, cuts Fergie's lead in half, to 47-46 at the halfway point."

ROUND SIX:

O'Dell: "We're into the sixth now and the terms have been set from the opening bell. Mack and Fergie working at close quarters, banging away, going more and more body as the fight goes on..."

McCarthy: "This kind of fight can become a pride thing after awhile. You're in there digging thinking, 'She's not going to back ME off. I'm going to make HER back off.' And that might be exactly what's going on in there now."

O'Dell: "Not sure of the motivations on the part of either fighter, but it's clear no one's backing off. They remain toe to toe, trading leather, both willing to take one to give one...AND DOWN GOES FERGIE! MACK THE RIGHT HOOK!"

Cassie: "Timed that one pretty well. Sent the Duchess to her knees!"

O'Dell: "Mack to a neutral corner. Referee picking up the count at three. Four. Five. Six. Fergie to her feet at seven. Going to take the mandatory and on comes Allison, right back to work now, looking for the off switch. Fergie covering up, but hooking back in spots as the final seconds tick off, and there's the bell!"

Cassie: "Third time tonight that one punch has turned an even round into a two-point round."

Tess: "And the 10-8 round sends Allison back into the lead 56-55."

ROUND SEVEN:

O'Dell: "Seventh round begins and the two bantams right back at one another. Mack backing Fergie up now, first time we've seen that tonight..."

Cassie: "Allison even more aggressive now, coming off that knockdown. She's throwing Fergie over to the defensive, pacifying her..."

Tess: "I'm wondering if the Duchess is all the way back from that knockdown, because Mack is taking over right now in a way neither fighter's been able to do at any point in this fight."

O'Dell: "She is, indeed. Allison all over Fergie, not ignoring the body but now concentrating upstairs, forcing the older woman backward, keeping her on the defensive. Fergie unable to get off for the first time tonight."

Cassie: "Mack just SMOTHERING her now. Might be the combination of that knockdown and six rounds of body work. Either way, this is Allison's best round of the fight."

O'Dell: "Fergie still game, trying to rally back in spots. But every uprising is put down viciously with heavy artillery from the blonde. Mack loading up on that right hand, driving Fergie back another step. Final seconds ticking away with Allison Mack in total control. Shutout round for 'Mack The Knife'..."

McCarthy: "STOP CALLING HER THAT!"

Tess: "And Allison extends her lead to 66-64 after seven."

ROUND EIGHT:

O'Dell: "Eighth round begins with a big flurry from Allison Mack! Forced Fergie back a couple of steps Allison follows up to the body and then back upstairs to send Fergie back with a good right hook."

Tess: "This is starting to remind me of the first fight. Very close and competive in the first half, but Mack slowly gaining control as the fight wears on..."

Cassie: "Mack is very sturdy. There aren't many girls who are going to outlast her banging bodies inside."

O'Dell: "Again Fergie firing back in spots. Able to sustain it a bit more than in the last round, but Allison eventually able to suppress, force her to the defensive, back her up, regain command..."

Tess: "Mack just imposing will right now. Fergie still game, but just can't do much."

O'Dell: "Mack staying very busy. Digging body a bit more now. Continuing to back Fergie up. Lands a good straight right hand, then slams a left hook to the ribs. Allison finishing this round strong, with another big flurry right at the bell."

McCarthy: "76-73 Mack with two to go."

ROUND NINE:

O'Dell: "Ninth round begins with Allison Mack jabbing now. Not coming to Fergie, but working at mid-range, forcing the shorter woman to work past the left hand..."

Cassie: "And Fergie struggling to do that. Mack very accurate with the left, landing right hands off of it."

O'Dell: "Mack showing some movement with the feet now, as well. She's changed tactics completely and gone over to boxing, and she's doing very effectively. Fergie game, dogged, working forward, but Mack deadly accurate, picking her off with jabs, landing good right hands..."

Tess: "This is one of the reasons Wiz likes Allison so much. He's not a huge fan of one-dimensional fighters. He likes girls who can do different things in there, well-balanced girls like Allison and Pink..."

Cassie: "Another reason is that she knocked Mac out in under 30 seconds..."

McCarthy: "I'D BEEN FIGHTING AN ALL-STAR TEAM ALL NIGH...SHUT UP, SCABBO!"

O'Dell: "Under 30 seconds remain in round nine. Mack continuing to box a game but frustrated Fergie. Allison in total control, just like she's been since the sixth round. Stopping Fergie cold on the way in with that jab, nailing her a right hand before she can get going again. There's the bell ending it, and another shutout round for Allison Mack."

Tess: "86-82 with one to go, and, even with some close rounds early, no doubt Fergie needs something big in the final round."

ROUND TEN:

O'Dell: "Tenth and final underway and Fergie going all in on Allison Mack! Fergie immediately closing and letting the hands go!"

Tess: "Give this girl credit, she hasn't quit. Still fighting hard and still has something left."

O'Dell: "Mack willing to give ground, moving, backing, circling, not going to engage much..."

McCarthy: "She's running away! Fight her, you FRAUD!"

O'Dell: "Allison legging and jabbing. Fergie trying to force battle. Mack not playing along. Allison's a veteran. She's seen this show before. Knows Fergie's trying to pull out a late stoppage, and she's not having it..."

McCarthy: "Stand and fight! This isn't a track meet!"

O'Dell: "Fergie continuing to pressure. Mack popping jabs, circling backward, running clock. The Duchess continuing to walk forward, scoring point with both hands, but her enemy is the clock, and it's running down. Final seconds tick off, and there's the bell...and there's a hug!"

McCarthy: "The arsenic on top of the garbage can that WAS this fight!"

O'Dell: "Actually, it was a very good, competitive fight and the ladies showing one another some respect at the end. Last round to Fergie for sure, but it's too little, too late. Decision being announced, and it's unanimous. 95-92 for your winner, Allison 'Mack The Knife' Mack!"

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Vamore!"

Tess: "I have our winner, Allison Mack, and, Allison, another competitive slugfest between you and Fergie..."

Allison(smiling): "Give her credit, she's not afraid to get in there and mix it up with me. Most girls won't do that, because they know how it's going to turn out. Just like it did tonight. My hand in the air. You spending about a week in the tank."