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17 March 2014 Gwyneth Paltrow vs Gemma Arterton

Page history last edited by Archer844 9 years, 9 months ago

Gwyneth Paltrow 03.jpg Gemma Arterton 04.jpg

ST PATRICK'S DAY MASSACRE AT THE ASYLUM

(Site: The Asylum Arena. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)

Posted by Results By Sim/Words By Wiz on March 17, 2014, 3:21 pm

BEFORE:

"I just don't understand what Wiz is thinking, here," says Gwyneth with a lovely smile, "I come in here and beat his girl Ke$ha. Then he brings me back and I blow Katy Perry away. Now, he's aiming Arterton at the title and who does he book her against? Me! Mistake, Wiz. Big mistake."

"She's won here before, and she's very dangerous, no question," says a hard-eyed Gemma. "But, as Gwyneth's about to find out, so am I. So am I."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Getting ready for our final bout of the night and that's 'This Woman's Work' you hear, and that can only mean the singer of this version of the song, Gwyneth Paltrow, is on her way to the ring!"

McCarthy: "She'd better not EYE me. This is St. Patrick's Day and there are plenty of bars in this one-horse town..."

Cassie: "Paltrow is one of the more interesting fighters in the FCBA. She was 4-7 in eleven years in the FCBA up until 2012, but things certainly changed then. She beat Ke$ha, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Katie Holmes that year, and she followed up by knocking out Katy Perry last year. She's four for her last six and is in great shape."

Tess: "This isn't the Paltrow of three or four years ago, a tall, thin boxer without a lot of power. That's all changed. She's thickened up, gotten stronger. She's still a slick boxer, but there's power in the equation now, and not a little bit of it."

O'Dell: "Paltrow into the ring, helped off with the robe to reveal that deep blue number she's worn since her comeback, and that sturdier body with the six-pack abs Tess mentioned..."

McCarthy: "She still looks like a cue tip."

O'Dell: "And that's 'London Calling' by The Clash, and here comes 'The Gravesend Gladiator', Gemma Arterton!"

Cassie: "And here's a girl who can go places with a win. Gemma's being pushed at the title right now, one of three of Uncle Wiz's lights in that position, and a win over Paltrow not only helps her cause there, but keeps her right at the top of the lightweight pecking order at Front Street."

McCarthy: "See, if I were managing Front Street, there wouldn't BE any pecking order at light. I'd dump all of their big girls except Torv and Sobieski. I'd push those two and trade the rest for one good bantam and one good fly..."

Cassie: "Vern Troyer has a better chance of being inducted into the basketball hall of fame than you do of managing Front Street..."

McCarthy: "Which shows how dumb Weirdo IS. Because, if he was smart, he'd offer Sceej anything he wanted to GET a great trainer/manager like me. Of course, Sceej wouldn't take it...because he knows how UNvaluable I am!"

Cassie: "I'm sure he does..."

O'Dell: "Gemma into the ring, helped off with the robe by Jewel and Neve to reveal a violet two-piece that shows off quite a body, and we're about ready. Let's get some picks. Tess favors Gemma. Mac?"

McCarthy: "Paltrow is an overrated fighter, and an overrated actress, and she's lucky she didn't eye me on the way down."

O'Dell: "And you're picking..."

McCarthy: "Arterton."

O'Dell: "Cassie?"

Cassie: "I agree with Tess. I also agree that Mac is Unvaluable..."

McCarthy: "Well, I'm glad you're beginning to see the light, short stuff!"

O'Dell(sighing): "And, there's the bell. Gemma wasting no time getting aggressive, quickly after Paltrow, who wants to stick and move. The blonde all angles, slide steppin' and side steppin'. Gemma patient, moving the feet, squaring and getting off before the blonde can angle away."

Cassie: "As sturdy as Paltrow now is, she doesn't want to stand in front of Gems at the moment, and I don't blame her. Arterton has power to match just about any light in the FCBA."

O'Dell: "And Gwyneth making sure she can't bring it to bear. Paltrow very slick, feinting, dipping, all movement and quick flurries. Gemma landing some herself, but unable to put 'em together at this point, as the blonde's defense has her going one and done an awful lot."

Cassie: "This is what Tess was talking about. Gwyneth still has all that slickness and elusiveness. She's added power without losing that, and it's created a much more dangerous fighter."

O'Dell: "Inside the final minute now. Paltrow working behind a long left jab, using it to generate space, allow herself time to move as Gemma comes forward to punch. Arterton unhurried. Stalking. Waiting to get to her spots..."

Tess: "Maybe mindful of Perry getting sloppy early. It's a long fight. No need to force anything now."

O'Dell: "And there's the bell. First is in the books. Competitive round, but it goes to Paltrow."

McCarthy: "10-9 in favor of the cue tip after one."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Into the second now, and Gemma again playing big girl and stalking. The blonde slipping and dipping, all about positioning, keeping Gemma to one-punch offense, all angles and movement."

Cassie: "You know, a young boxer could learn a lot by watching video of what Gwyneth is doing right now. It's not one thing, it's a lot of things. She's moving the feet, but not in any pattern. She's side stepping, drop stepping, slide stepping, feinting, giving ground, circling, not allowing Gemma to anticipate anything. And it's not just the feet. Head, hands, shoulders, all motion. All designed to disrupt Gemma's range finding."

O'Dell: "And that's precisely what it's doing. Add in the long jab, and Arterton isn't able to use her own heavy jab to locate and create space for rights. When the left lands, Paltrow's already fouling the sights for the right."

Tess: "This kind of thing, and the way Paltrow's been fighting these last couple of years...they have to get you wondering. How good could she have been if she'd have built her body like this ten years ago?"

O'Dell: "Might have worn some gold at some point, Tess. We're into the final minute of the second now, and Paltrow dictating position. Feeling very comfortable in these low-intensity, tactical rounds. Arterton remaining unhurried. Stalking. Landing when she gets to her spot, but not forcing anything. One final quick flurry from the blonde and that's the second, and Gwyneth is up by two."

McCarthy: "20-18 after two, and if I were in the Front Street corner..."

Cassie: "You have a better chance of winning an Oscar..."

McCarthy: "Shut it, Scab...HEY, I'm GOING to win an Oscar!"

Cassie: "If you had a 'Mac is DELUSIONAL' square, mark your J-Mac Bingo card!"

McCarthy: "I'm WARNING you, Scabbo! And, as I was SAYING, if I were in the Front Street corner, I'd be telling Gemma she needs to be more aggressive and get AFTER this girl before she gets in a hole."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "Into the third now and Paltrow landing a SOLID right hand off the bell. Gwyneth using the jab for more than spacing now, she's using it to set up right hands and she lands another good one right there. Arterton felt both of those, Mac..."

McCarthy: "Definitely, because it slowed her pursuit for the first time."

O'Dell: "And there's ANOTHER good right hand from Gwyneth! Paltrow landing the first hard stuff of the fight. Standing in a little longer and nailing Arterton with big shots. Good flurry there and Gemma's buzzed by that last punch! Paltrow's best punch of the fight! And, for the first time it's the blonde coming forward. Arterton giving ground, takes ANOTHER hard right hand! Her legs are passing the test, but she's feeling these."

Cassie: "No question. Gems in some trouble here. Paltrow's finding the range with some absolute bombs."

O'Dell: "Gemma shipping some serious shot here, but that's no surprise. No question the brunette can take a punch, and she takes yet another solid right from Paltrow at the end of an excellent flurry! Gemma on the defensive now as we go down the stretch. Gwyneth measuring with the left, looking to find the finisher. A good left-right from Paltrow at the bell, and a big round for Gwyneth, who smiles, turns, and bounces back to her corner!"

Tess: "30-27, Paltrow, but, perhaps more importantly, she has Gemma a bit wobbly after three."

ROUND FOUR:

O'Dell: "The fourth round begins with Paltrow charging out of her corner looking to finish. The blonde banging out that jab, dropping in right hands. Arterton again on the defensive...AND THERE'S A RIGHT HAND, PALTROW! GWYNETH ROCKS GEMMA!"

Cassie: "Arterton definitely hurt, Jenny! Legs did a shimmy!"

O'Dell: "And Paltrow now banging away to try to finish this thing. And Gemma fires back! Arterton not going to cover up, she's going to trade in the middle of the ring! Paltrow wobbles her again with a right...AND ARTERTON STAGGERS GWYNETH WITH A LEFT HOOK!"

McCarthy: "Great left, hooked off a straight right!"

O'Dell: "And now it's Arterton pouring on the shell and Paltrow in retreat. Gwyneth backed toward the ropes and Gemma let's both hands go, thumping away at a retreating Paltrow, landing a short right hand that snapped back the head. Gwyneth in a high guard as Gemma drives her onto the ropes and goes to work. Paltrow clinching, Arterton shouldering free and ROCKING Gwyneth with a straight right! Referee looking in as we head into the final 30 seconds. Gemma loading up on her punches as Paltrow sponges along the ropes, jabbing back occasionally to keep the referee from stopping it. A good left hook from Gemma shakes the blonde again and Paltrow looking ready to go...but there's the bell. What a round! Arterton powers back from being in trouble early to win the round, but Gwyneth survives."

Tess: "And still leads, 39-37."

ROUND FIVE:

O'Dell: "Into the fifth now and Gemma stalking a buzzed Paltrow. Gwyneth willing to cede canvas, play defense, look to counter. Gemma deliberate, finally finding consistent range with the big sledgehammer jab. Following with the odd solid right..."

Tess: "Are you surprised Gemma's not going all out for the finisher here, Mac?"

McCarthy: "Not really, Walmart. She took as much shell in those last two rounds as Paltrow did and probably needs a bit of a breather almost as much as Skinny Gwynnie."

O'Dell: "Arterton continues to work patiently, the Front Street jab scoring points for her with consistency. Paltrow keeping the guard high, willing to conceed the points to run some clock and buy time for the head to clear and the legs to come back."

Cassie: "Looks like both girls know this fight is going to be decided in the second half. A lot of conserving energy and shaking off earlier punishment going on right now."

O'Dell: "Appears to be the case, Cassie. That being said, it's Gemma Arterton who's having the better of things in there at the moment. This is the fight Gemma likes, working forward behind the big left, finding space for rights, controlling things with that jab, scoring with both hands. Final seconds tick off in the fifth, and there's the bell. Arterton's cut the lead to one."

Tess: "48-47 after five."

ROUND SIX:

O'Dell: "Back to action in the sixth and Paltrow back to the war of movement. Has the legs back and she's making good use of them, dipping and slipping, fouling Gemma's aim on the left jab. Paltrow touching Arterton up with quick, slick punches, landing the odd hard right, quickly retaking control of the fight."

McCarthy: "I understand why she didn't, but, when this thing is over, Arterton may well WISH she'd tried to finish last round."

O'Dell: "Paltrow playing tactical boxing chess right now, thinking two or three moves ahead, keeping Gemma off balance, and taking advantage of positioning to land some hard shots...LIKE THAT RIGHT HAND! ARTERTON HURT BY A NASTY RIGHT!"

Cassie: "Beautiful punch, quick left. Gemma bobs the head away, right into the right hand!"

O'Dell: "Gwyneth deliberate, backing Gemma up, working her into the ropes and going to work with both hands. Paltrow not loading up, not doing anything wild, still setting up her punches and landing some good shots as a result. She's got the range down as Arterton covers up. The blonde with another hard right that shook Gemma! And ANOTHER good shot! Arterton definitely in trouble along the ropes. Curvy legs holding her up, but Gwyneth landing bombs now, dealing out some serious punishment. Gemma trying to counter in spots, but ineffective. Paltrow pounding away right to the bell!"

Tess: "What a comeback for Gwyneth. She's now up 58-56, and, again, has Gemma hurt again."

ROUND SEVEN:

O'Dell: "Seventh round begins with Paltrow back on the offensive. Gwyneth using that long left to control Gemma and set up solid right hands. Arterton maybe still a little woozy from the last round. Giving some ground, forced over to the defensive by the blonde..."

Tess: "We talked earlier about what a win could mean for Gemma, but a loss could hurt just as much as a win could help. Obviously, there's no shame in losing to Paltrow, but, keep in mind, Front Street isn't set up like Sceej..."

McCarthy: "That's because Weirdo isn't as SMART as Sceej..."

Tess: "If Adrianne Palicki loses a couple of fights, she doesn't fall down in the pecking order. But, in Gemma's case, she's in Front Street's biggest division, and that division includes Swan, who went undefeated last year and won big fights, including Lima, who's given Front Street all kinds of trouble, and Torv, who ran off three big wins in a row last year and just beat Theron. If Gemma can't turn this thing around, she's going to go from the top to no higher than third..."

O'Dell: "And that's precisely where Paltrow plans to send her. Gwyneth STRAFING Gemma now, ranging in with that right hand, shaking the brunette repeatedly with heavy shell. Paltrow pouring it on now...AND DOWN GOES ARTERTON! Paltrow a right cross and Gemma dropped to her back!"

Cassie: "Good punch, but it was accumulation of damage that sent Gemma down, not just the one punch."

O'Dell: "Referee's count at three. Four. Five. Six. Arterton to hands and knees. Seven. Eight. Gemma up at nine. Takes the mandatory. And here comes Paltrow definitely looking to finish now. Gwyneth backs Arterton to the ropes immediately and goes to work. Gemma covering up, hanging on as we head into the final 30 seconds. Paltrow loading up on everything, looking to close the brunette out. Arterton in a high guard, doing just enough to keep the referee at bay. BIG right hand from Paltrow wobbles Arterton at the bell! Big round for Gwyneth, who's not only built a lead, but has her opponent in serious trouble."

McCarthy: "68-64 with three to go. The Cue Tip is in charge."

ROUND EIGHT:

O'Dell: "Eighth round begins with Paltrow going right after Gemma looking to end this now. Gwyneth firing away with both hands and Arterton now banging back! The two fighters now toe to toe in the center of the canvas hammering away at one another!"

Cassie: "And they are throwing absolute BOMBS right now. And there's nothing sloppy about it. This is just two good fighters ranging in with heavy leather."

O'Dell: "And IS the leather heavy! Sweat flying after almost every blow that lands. Arterton has the jab working and she's crossing off it. Paltrow using punches in combination to set up heavy rights. Gwyneth a GREAT right hand...AND DOWN SHE GOES! Arterton lands a straight right and Paltrow splashes to her back!"

McCarthy: "And that WAS one punch. Right cross right on the chin."

O'Dell: "Count at three. Four. Five. Six. Paltrow to a sitting position. Seven. And she's up at eight. Referee gives her the mandatory and here comes Gemma. Arterton hammering away with both hands, forces the blonde back to the ropes. Final 30 seconds of the round, and Gemma going all in to finish this thing. Paltrow keeping the hands high, trying to run clock...ROCKED BY AN OVERHAND RIGHT AND THEN WOBBLED BY A LEFT HOOK! Paltrow somehow staying on her feet. Straight right from Gemma splits the gloves...AND THAT'S IT! THE REFEREE STOPS IT!"

Cassie: "Good call. Nothing coming back from Paltrow. Gemma was taking target practice..."

O'Dell: "Paltrow bundled to safety by the referee, and, on a card where the winning fighter trailed going into the last two rounds in five of six fights, it's only fitting that your winner by TKO8, in comeback fashion, is 'The Gravesend Gladiator', Gemma Arterton!"

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"

Tess: "I have our winner, Gemma Arterton, and, Gemma she had you in trouble a couple of times..."

Gemma: "No doubt, Tess. She could always box and she's added power now. She's a tough out, no question. But, sooner or later, I knew she'd have to stand and fight with me, and, when that happened, I had no doubt about the result."

Tess: "Obviously a huge win for you..."

Gemma: "Definitely. Lots of competition back at the gym. I'm the best lightweight at Front Street, and, the great thing about our stable is, you get the chance to prove that in the ring, and that's just what I plan to continue to do."