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30 December 2014 Tractorpull "The Razzies" - The Worst Of 2014 Awards

Page history last edited by Vassago 9 years ago

Posted by Tractorpull Magazine on December 30, 2014, 5:33 pm

TESS VALMORE

As the Academy Awards has it's counterpoint so must Boxing World's Best of 2014. Tractorpull therefore presents our 2014 Razzie's

SHE'S A WHAT? Miss Winslet had previously formed stable of four members with less name recognition then a second string Tennessee Titan offensive lineman. This year she added five more, defying the meaning of the term celebrity and thereby creating the biggest no-name stable in the FCBA. Note Miss Winslet, Charlize Theron is a celebrity. Leah Pipes is not. We award Miss Winslet a copy of the new Merriam Webster Dictionary

YOU MEAN SHE WORKS FOR ME? Ultimate Fighter employs ten ladies who had a total of seven fights. Seven had none. If you have stock in Ultimate Fighter, sell. Employment costs versus income per employee is unfavorable

SO MANY CHOICES, WHAT AM I TO DO? Franchise at Empire has fifteen members in his stable that managed to appear in seventeen bouts. Four former champs didn't fight at all. Seven had only one fight, To his credit, he is fairly good at spreading the inactivity around

WORST FIGHTER OF THE YEAR. Samia GhadIe. Not only the worst of the year, but possibly the the worst ever. She had five fights and lasted about a combined 21 rounds. Her longest appearance was seven plus rounds against Dove Cameron which probably says more about Cameron than Ghadie.

WORST FIGHT OF THE YEAR. Mendes/ Scherzinger. As the fight began, my cell phone which was in my purse start to rIng. By time I found it and looked up the fight was over with Scherzinger looking like an imitation of Samia Ghadie

WORST PERFORMANCE BY A FLYWEIGHT. Nicole Scherzinger. Let's not beat her more than Mendes did

WORST PERFORMANCE BY A BANTAMWEIGHT. Alyssa Milano. She lasted three plus against Pink. Didn't win a round. She will be a popular guest at the Asylum

WORST PERFORMANCE BY A LIGHTWEIGHT. Charlize Theron. Hit Torv with everything but the corner stool in the first round with little effect. In the beginning of the second, Torv gave her a nasty look and Theron completely collapsed

WORST PERFORMANCE BY A WELTERWEIGHT. GENA LEE NOLIN. She lasted three plus against Moore. In those three plus rounds she fouled in two and still lost thereby proving that justice still exists

MOST DISAPPOINTING FLYWEIGHT. Penelope Cruz. We expected to see her active during the year but she had only one fight and lost that one

MOST DISAPPOINTING BANTAMWEIGHT. Britney Spears. This Hall Of Fame member was in the ring only twice and lost twice

MOST DISAPPOINTING LIGHTWEIGHT. Jessica Biel I expected a resurgence from this Hall Of Fame member. Instead she ended with her third straight non winning year. She was 1-1 for the year with her loss being one of only two Kaley Cuoco’s wins

MOST DISAPPOINTING WELTERWEIGHT. Kate Upton. Again a case of inactivity. She's popular and has cracked the top ten. After a seven bout 2013, she appeared only twice and winning once

IT'S ONLY GOING TO BE WORSE. Charlize Theron. Yes she is stunningly beautiful and looks smashing in a bikini She, however, is approaching 40 and 350' fights. She,s lost her punch. Her flawless long legs don't move as they famously did. Her body is showing the effects of thousand rounds of brawling. Her stamina is gone Don't be surprised if she turns up as a regular visitor to the Asylum. The Wiz has found a fighter he can beat and has about seven light and welters still waiting for their chance to KO the GOAT (two had previously lost to Theron before coming to Front Street)

I HAVE ONE POSITIVE AWARD TO GIVE

FCBA JOURNALIST OF THE YEAR. Bartholomew Alahandro Hay of Boxing World. He's tall, handsome and not afraid to be engaged to a six foot blonde with a ferocious appetite and a bad attitude. He is legendary for the most comprehensive rankings ever done. They are used by every manager in matchmaking and the subject of untold amounts of speculation. His latest rankings listed 509 fighters many of whom I think are still alive .