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29 March 2015 Kesha vs Krysten Ritter

Page history last edited by Vassago 8 years, 9 months ago

LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN AT THE ASYLUM

Posted by The Grand Wizard on March 29, 2015, 10:45 pm

BEFORE:

"Another trip to Philly," says Krysten with a gorgeous smile. "It's nice to get back so close to home. But, I won't let that distract me like I did last time. THIS time, it's all business, because I plan to win!"

"I like her, kinda," says Kesha with a smile of her own. "She's a pretty cool chick actually. But. That isn't going to stop Big K from dropping the hammer on her."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Back at ringside, and that's 'Darklands' by Jesus and Mary Chain, and that can only mean that dark-haired, lovely Krysten Ritter is on her way to the ring..."

McCarthy: "And how good can SHE be if she's from THIS one-horse town..."

Tess(sighing): "She's not. Once again, if you read the prep material..."

McCarthy: "Once again, I REFUSE to read Weirdo's propaganda..."

Tess: "...you'd know she's from Bloomsburg, which is less than 150 miles from here..."

Cassie: "And is also the only incorporated town in Pennsylvania...only it ISN'T..."

McCarthy: "WHAT?"

Cassie: "There are lots of cities and townships and boroughs in Pennsylvania, but Bloomsburg was incorporated as a TOWN, and it was the only one in the state for over a hundred years. It's still billed as such, but, in 1975, McCandless Township, which is north of Pittsburgh, adopted a home rule charter under the name 'Town of McCandless'...so Bloomsburg really ISN'T the only incorporated town in Pennsylvania any longer..."

McCarthy: "What...I...THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!"

O'Dell(sighing): "And, before Mac's head explodes, let's turn our attention to the ring, where Krysten is helped off with the robe to reveal a red bikini and a model's body that she's clearly worked into excellent shape for this one, and that's 'Tik-Tok' you hear pounding through the arena, which can only mean that 'Six Feet Of Sexy', Kesha, is on her way down the aisle..."

Cassie: "This is the part where Mac says she's neither six feet tall nor sexy..."

McCarthy: "Well, she ISN'T!"

O'Dell: "Truck, I'm going to need a double on the hotel bar the minute I walk through the doors, ok? Make that happen. Kesha into the ring, helped off with the robe by Jewel and Neve to reveal that navy blue bikini and an in-shape body that's getting a reaction from the crowd..."

McCarthy: "She'd never make 'Playboy' in a million years..."

Tess: "She made 'Maxim'..."

McCarthy: "They'll put ANYBODY in 'Maxim'!"

O'Dell: "Ladies about ready. Let's get some picks. Tess favors Kesha. Mac?"

McCarthy: "Ritter's a typical Dancing Hooker opponent. No FCBA wins. I'm picking Kesha."

O'Dell: "Cassie?"

Cassie: "I agree with Tess!"

O'Dell: "There's the bell, and Ritter quickly making with the long left jab. We saw this from Krysten her last time out, against Sobieski, Mac..."

McCarthy: "We did, and it was a bit of a departure from what we saw in her first two fights, where she sort of got in there and banged more. She's found something with this ranged boxing, though. Took some rounds from Sobieski with it."

O'Dell: "That, she did, and that's clearly the plan here against Kesha. Krysten establishing the left hand, then dropping good rights off it. Kesha put on the defensive quite a bit here..."

Cassie: "Definitely. And, keep in mind, Ritter's got some power. She's not all length, jab, and scoring points. She hurt Michalka when they fought, and Aly's very sturdy. If she can force her terms, she can be plenty effective."

O'Dell: "No question of that, from what we saw last time out and what we've seen in the first. Ritter landing some good, hard shot against Kesha. Big K working the counters a little better now down the stretch, getting off some good response. As the final seconds tick off, though, Ritter maintains control from bell to bell and grabs the first."

Tess: "10-9, Krysten early."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Second begins with Ritter right back to that long left hand. Krysten range-finding with it, landing it solid, then working everything else off it. Kesha again being forced to the defensive, spending a lot of time covering up as Ritter beginning to get flurries home now."

Cassie: "Couple of years ago, you'd worry if Kesha was getting touched up like this, but, now, you know she can adjust..."

O'Dell: "Not seeing any signs of that at the moment, though. Krysten's got the range she wants, she's getting off first, landing a high percentage, even getting hard shot home. Kesha again landing better in the counter as the round goes on, but Ritter still boxing lead."

Tess: "I'm kind of surprised Ritter's having no problem with Kesha's southpaw style, Mac..."

McCarthy: "I was thinking the same thing, Walmart. Ritter seems to be handling it very well."

O'Dell: "That she does. She's doing everything well right now. Moving the feet, turning, getting the left out and back, setting up her punches. Kesha still spending too much time covering up, though she's getting some counters home. Final seconds tick off now and there's the bell. Another good round for Krysten."

Tess: "20-18 and Ritter's off to a good start."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "Into the third and Kesha now wants to work forward. Blonde looking to advance behind her own big right jab, landing it solid and backing Ritter up a step with it..."

Tess: "Mariska said something about Kesha once when we were talking about her at The Manor. She said that, early in her career, her biggest problem in the ring was that she knew how strong she was and how much power she had. Now that she's learned not to just go out there and swing for the fences right from the bell, Mariska says sometimes she has to be reminded of it."

O'Dell: "Looks like they reminded her in between rounds, because Kesha's dialed up the aggression and has Ritter backing up. Krysten trying to hold ground, trying to bang back, but Kesha's getting her lined up with that big Front Street right jab, forcing her back, setting her up for some big lefts..."

Cassie: "Ritter needs to get some more lateral movement going, has to angle up here. Kesha's barrelling her up right now, and she doesn't want to get barrelled up by Big K..."

O'Dell: "And it's now Ritter doing the covering up as Kesha getting punches put together. Krysten trying to fire back in counter, but mostly getting suppressed by the volume of heavy shot coming from the blonde. The brunette backed to the ropes now, taking fire in the final seconds. Ritter banging back and we have a hellacious exchange that gets the crowd on their feet! There's the bell and the third in the books. Kesha's round."

McCarthy: "And it's 29-28 after three."

ROUND FOUR:

O'Dell: "Fourth begins with more aggression from Kesha. The big blonde working forward behind that heavy right jab, forcing a game Ritter backward. Krysten trying to hold ground here, but can't get it done, Mac..."

McCarthy: "Needs to get off center, and she's trying to do that, but Kesha's getting her lined up with the right hand..."

Tess: "Kesha showing that athleticism she has, moving her feet very well..."

O'Dell: "And that's allowing her to get her right on target to set up those heavy lefts. Ritter in backpedal mode, on her heels, doing a lot of covering up. Kesha stepping into her punches now, getting plenty of power into everything..."

Cassie: "Ritter getting suppressed again. This isn't just heavy shot, it's heavy VOLUME, too. Krysten can't get off the defensive."

O'Dell: "And now she can't get off the ropes. Kesha's backed her into them and is working her over in a big way down the stretch. The big blonde banging away with both hands, clearly aiming to reduce Ritter. Krysten trying to counter, able to do it in the odd spot, but it's all Kesha from bell to bell."

Tess: "38-38 now with six to go."

ROUND FIVE:

O'Dell: "Fifth underway now and Ritter using a back slide step, snapping out the jab, looking to disrupt Kesha's forward motion. Big K not slowing down, walking through the jabs, squaring up, BANGING that big right hand home..."

McCarthy: "Ritter trying to get her feet set for a solid counter, but Kesha not allowing it. She's keeping Ritter on her back foot."

O'Dell: "Just some serious physicality on display here from Kesha right now. She's using that size and power to control this fight, and, despite some spirited resistance, Krysten can't stop her from doing it."

Cassie: "Kesha clinical right now. Completely under control. Putting punches together, setting things up."

O'Dell: "All the while driving forward,
backing Ritter up...AND DOWN GOES KRYSTEN!"

Tess: "Overhand left! Stopped her with the right and dropped that left on the BUTTON..."

O'Dell: "Referee's count at three. Four. Five. Krysten on her left side, unmoving. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. TEN! And that quickly, it's over!"

Cassie: "'The Hammer of Thor'..."

O'Dell: "And your winner by KO5 is 'Six Feet Of Sexy', Kesha!"

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"

Tess: "I have our winner, Kesha, and, Big K, it took you a while to get going tonight..."

Kesha: "Well, I like gun platform stuff. I like to fight at range, extend on my punches. But, she's a good boxer, and she was able to score on those terms, so I had to get more aggressive..."

Tess: "And that ending was rather...sudden..."

Kesha: "That's how it goes with 'The Hammer', Tess. Ten seconds after it lands, the fight ends. Doesn't matter when. Doesn't matter who. When it lands. Ten seconds. EXACTLY Ten."