NICKI MINAJ VS ABI TITMUSS

(Words: Anon / Results: Lookout)

"I thought it would be fun to smack around a few losers and earn the fear of a second league," said Abi Titmuss regarding her decision to debut in the FCBA. "This Nicki seems like a nice start for me. She can hit, but she doesn't have the brains or the determination to actually go anywhere." 

"She's got too high of an opinion of herself," commented Nicki Minaj dismissively in her pre-fight interview. "She can't make it as a model, so she tries to salvage her career by becoming an 'actress' on this side of the Atlantic. Now that's not going to work, so she tries to diversify into a boxing career? I don't think so. I'll knock her flabby ass out so hard that she can sleep through the flight back to Linconshire." 

Nicki Minaj entered the ring wearing matching black trunks and bra, smiling cutely and behaving as if she had come to make friends. Abi Titmuss entered soon after, wearing red trunks and bra, the look on her face indicating that she clearly remembered her opponent's statement to the press as well as her own. 

Round 1: 

As Titmuss came out swinging, Minaj seemed to struggle, as if unready for the match to begin. Almost as soon as the bell rang Titmuss was landing strong hits, causing Minaj to wince and attempt to cover up. As the round progressed, Minaj recovered somewhat, but at best she managed to trade evenly for short periods. 

Round 2: 

In the second round, Minaj stuck with her strategy, trading punches up close. As if the first round had only been for practice, this time Titmuss struggled with her opponent. Both women refused to back down, each thumping the other in the body solidly with her fists. While both fighters managed to dish out punishment, it was Minaj who pulled ahead late in the round, managing to shut down Titmuss' offense a few times before the bell. 

Round 3: 

The third round began more slowly, but a flurry of activity early on set off an exchange reminiscent of the previous round. This time, it was Titmuss who came out ahead as Minaj blinked first, backing down against the blonde's pummeling. Managing to rally, Minaj returned the favor somewhat as the seconds ticked away, preventing Titmuss from running away with the fight.

Round 4: 

With some success on each side, both fighters seemed determined to prove the opponent's victories to be coincidences. This time, Titmuss blinked first, absorbing a right hand to the side of her face from her determined opponent. Reacting too slowly, Titmuss allowed Minaj to sneak in a quick combination to her head before cutting her losses. Seemingly intimidated by the setback, Titmuss spent the remainder of the round much more timid, allowing Minaj to take control, landing consistent hits before the bell. While both fighters were looking worse for wear due to the fast paced fight, it was obvious that Titmuss was in danger, whereas Minaj's battle damage seemed to only strengthen her resolve. 

Round 5: 

Coming out of her corner with more bravery than ability in the fifth round, Titmuss met Minaj head on. Minaj was more than ready, beating the blonde back in the first few seconds of the round and leaving her off balance, her hair in disarray. Titmuss rallied for another try, obviously willing to take bigger risks as her chances of winning dropped. Minaj fired back, with predictable results given her opponent's weakened condition. After a few more tries and a particularly disastrous miss from Titmuss, Minaj responded with a left right that sent the blonde's head wobbling back and forth, finishing up with an uppercut underneath her chin that sent her head snapping back. Out on her feet, Titmuss began to tip backwards. Minaj, striking a cute pose, blew her rival a kiss, timed so that it seemed to cause the beaten blonde to crash to the mat on her back, arms splayed. By the count of five, Titmuss had only managed to lift an arm to her face and groan. Minaj, grinning, struck a pose astride her opponent's prone figure, no doubt managing to catch some attention from a photographer or two before the count finished -- KO5 Minaj. 

"She was brave, but there's a word for being brave when you aren't very good -- overconfident," commented Minaj in her post-fight interview. Titmuss, having recovered somewhat, was slumped on her stool, head in her hands. "The good news is that with all of those bruises, she probably won't be doing much 'modeling' for a while."