Posted by Lookout! Boxing on June 26, 2015, 4:56 pm

"The Nightmare on JMD Street"
Jugs Of Mass Destruction Title Bout
Jessica Lowndes versus Lindsay Lohan
(Ch, Lioness Club, 17-8-1, 16 KO) vs (Ginny's Academy, 43-28-1, 36 KO)
Story: Vassago / Result: Lookout!

BEFORE: The Jugs of Mass Destruction brigade is back in the spotlight and while Jessica Lowndes remains the undisputed queen of the genre after punishing the breasts of Michelle Williams, Kendra Wilkinson and Vanessa Hudgens over the last six months, there's one particular blonde who'd do EVERYTHING to take the proud Canadian brunette down! That's of course Lindsay Lohan, ridiculed ever since her Lookout! Boxing days by the league's leading journalists and responsible for a severe backlash between Lowndes' management and the very same people who claim JMD should become extinct.

However the JMD only seems to be improving rather than bleeding out over the last several months and with Lohan's new management at The Academy spreading some rumours, there's a serious opportunity for the heavier girls to enter the genre and blow all the critics out of the water. Indeed, Jeri Ryan and Catherine Bell - two of the most experienced fighters around - support Lilo's bid for what could become one of the most talked about events of the season. Lohan was unceremoniously shown the door at Lookout! a while back and has never accepted Hudgens becoming so praised and feared around the division, if she can dispatch Lowndes - who holds a 2-0 h2h over Nessa - then you won't stop her bragging for remainder of the year at the very least!

Lowndes has company in the ring too, Beta-status stablemate Selena Gomez (who's had JMD rookie experience herself already) and former 90210 co-star Shenae Grimes join the Canadian tonight and carry the JMD title bra together to a rampant ovation from the audience. The current champion is full of smiles and high-fives several people from the crowd looking 100% confident of putting "the annoying pest LiLo" away and based on her past results, it's a most likely case scenario unless the Academy crew sends a different fighter each round. "I could still knock the stuffing out of Jeri Ryan if she wants to so be careful what you wish for!", Lowndes says before the introductions and glares down at the blonde with utmost disdain. This is a grudge contest in the making, neither girl wants to touch gloves and the crowd is set to witness another JMD classic.

Jessica Lowndes wears a turquoise bandeau bikini, white boots and black gloves. Dark brown hair tied in a custom curled ponytail. Lindsay Lohan wears a neon blue X-shaped monokini with silver trim, matching silver gloves & boots. Blonde hair tied in a high curled ponytail. The fight is scheduled for ten rounds in the flyweight division.

Round 1:
We're off and Lowndes shows some agility by eating Lohan to the punch and crashing into the blonde's mounds early; LiLo tries to stay in the exchange but only grazes the brunette and soon reverts into hectic circles looking for the best place to mount her attack. It's to no avail though as Jessica romps to the side of her breasts and has the blonde spitting some abuse early which only increases the onslaught. Lowndes works furiously from the front and skips away from Lohan's fruitless swinging as she reels her into mid distance and leaves shaken through the two minute mark with more punches to the side. LiLo in a desperate effort to prevent the rout, ducks low and targets the ribcage but gets whacked from the top on the temple and shoots back up into a late series of uppercuts that dump her onto the ropes as the champion runs away with a bell-to-bell dominance!

Round 2:
Selena Gomez and Shenae Grimes lead the wild Lowndes support but Cat Bell keeps it strictly business and comes up with a successful counterpunching tactics as LiLo teases the brunette into another heavy charge but settles into working the drill from the back foot and she finally smacks some leather into the bandeau bikini. A series of uppercuts fails to bother the champ at first but then another quick loop from Lohan has the Canadian wobbling into thin air as she doesn't find the connection anymore and LiLo blasts a cross on the mouth to throw her further off before resuming the uppercut menace. She pounds heavy artillery right up the alley and outworks the champ in close range; Lowndes scowls in anger but struggles to stretch her elbows and eats another riffle on the lips before bending into more uppercuts that enable Lohan to back her into the ropes late and pull a clear round back. Jessica is furious after Lindsay refuses to let her go after the bell but Jeri Ryan gives her stablemate full thumbs up!

Round 3:
Both girls settle into an uppercut tangle in close range and the noise volume increases as the punches begin to stack up however nobody yields an inch in the opening minute and some people in the audience believes these two could hammer along for the next ten minutes without going down yet the blonde blinks first and wobbles to the side, that's a strategic call though and Jessica skims off the side of her breast and crashes into the cleavage after a hurried approach; Lohan's footwork skills leave many experts gobsmacked and she takes it from there by wrapping her right arm around Jessica's elbow and thumping a heavy set into the mounds with the other hand. She literally drags the brunette onto the ropes and scores another not-so-wayward hit on the jaw to leave Lowndes scowling but refuses to halt the jug muggin' to shut the champion completely off in tremendous fashion. After the bell she shoves the Canadian back to Selena's embrace and Lowndes wants to have a word with the ref as LiLo's tactics begin to taste rather bitterly around the LCA entourage!

Round 4:
Lohan seeks another way to outsmart the champion but she receives a jolly good wake-up call when Lowndes goes for broke and dissects her chest guard with a piercing set of jabs that soon switch into uppercuts and shove the blonde's tits right against her chin. It's back to some mindless jug assault as Lowndes leans on the front foot again and regains her esteem by putting LiLo on her heels thanks to sheer ammount of punches. Lohan has nothing to scribble on here and seeks escape but is rooted to the spot with a hook on the liver and bends into more uppercut struggle as Jessica bounces off them to clip the jaw and dish out some head snapping menace late. Lohan oh so barely avoids getting trapped on the ropes but is forced into a deep cover; she circles around before Lowndes stops her for good with another switch on the guts and the late clinch doesn't work either as the Canadian riffles one last uppercut to shut the challenger's eyes; Lohan is a dismayed stance at the bell and no thumbs up from Jeri Ryan this time!

Round 5:
Heavy chest slugging from the start as both girls hit the mindless bash button and amid all their squeals Lowndes finds the blonde's solar plexus to reel her back on her heels and win the exchange. Lohan turtles up and begins to scowl in pain rather than effort as Jessica rips into her ribcage and pounds back to the ropes early in the second minute to assume full control. More heavy uppercuts from the champ follow as LiLo fails to shrug that shot to the solar plexus off and must cover up in deep earmuff but the same hands that dismantled Vanessa Hudgens, now punish the blonde and Lowndes breaks through with a bucketload of uppercuts to send the blonde's rack into a tailspin... disaster for the Academy as LiLo screams out in pain and is punched onto her toes before a clattering right hook plasters the monokini into a near wardrove malfunction... Lohan slumps forward and doesn't even notice another hook to the liver... she slides into Jessica's cleavage but fails to grab a piece of her flesh AND TUMBLES DOWN ON HER KNEES amid wild screams from the audience! "I'm still the JMD Queen!", Lowndes screams in delight as she watches Lohan crumble onto all fours and remain there until the seven count... she shoots back upright and tries to adjust her monokini that almost doesn't cover up the right breast anymore but the ref has other ideas and tells Cat Bell there will be a time for any adjustments during the interval. Lowndes storms out to knock the blonde silly now and LiLo can only run around in circles in avoidance and duck low into a chest headbutt when the brunette finally tracks her down. She misses the blonde horn approach and has Jessica bruising her ribs afterwards; a fine display of JMD champion's skill that leave Jeri Ryan and Cat Bell cursing mad at the bell and Lindsay Lohan in urgent need of catching her breath back after a torrid round!

Round 6:
"U got her now!", Shenae Grimes lets Jessica know what everyone in the audience take as a fact but Jeri Ryan works some mindgames magic on the blonde and Lohan steams out of her corner like nothing happened; she even stuns the champion into soaking up some uppercut tilt before launching herself forward into more breast pounding from the side. LiLo's stopped in her tracks and reels onto her heels but manages to keep the mid range active for a while; Lowndes jumps into another whirlwind charge before too long though and hammers the ribcage to push a visibly short of breath blonde back; Lohan tries to apply the muay thai high knee defence but only bumps into the brunette's tummy and eats more piercing jabs from the side as Jessica looks to make the wardrobe malfunction permanent. However even as she has Lohan trapped butt-in-ropes she allows the blonde to spike her on the kidneys and that slows the champ down; Cat Bell seems to know all about it and urges LiLo into more questionable tactics as the ref has seen enough and orders Lindsay to drop it or else he'll have her disqualified. "No points deduction, you fool?" Selena Gomez isn't happy about the decision as Lohan's a well known critic of all the authorities but the brief delay has thrown Lowndes right off her stride and in fact it's LiLo landing some crisp shots on the ribcage late on as the fight takes a strange turn.

Round 7:
Lowndes is very upset and tells her corner that even Vanessa Hudgens didn't punch her in the kidneys so blatantly but there's a reason Lindsay Lohan was so hated by some leading FCBA pundits long before the Canadian's tenure and the blonde shows no sympathy to the champion again by blasting low shots against the waistline that draw immediate jeers from the crowd! "Oh shut the hell up!", Cat Bell screams back to the front rows and that's no surprise from a woman who once backstabbed Charlize Theron into having herself fired - albeit temporarily - from the almighty Academy squad. The sheer fight quality collapses alltogether in a matter of seconds as Lohan refuses to let go and literally jumps at the brunette and wraps her thighs around her waist and tries to apply a standing breast smother blowing everyone out of the water! She presses Lowndes' head against her jugs and the Canadian can't keep herself upright anymore and crashes HEAVILY on her backside and yells out in uber pain... Pandemonium in the ring follows... ref orders immediate break and has Lohan dragged away from the fallen champ... AND NOW HE DEDUCTS HER A POINT!!! "What now?", Selena is furious over the decision and lits up the crowd into a repeated "Dee-Q, Dee-Q, Dee-Q" chanting... Extended break after the seventh as Jeri Ryan is right over at the judges table and explains why exactly this fight should be allowed to continue...

Round 8:
The fight is continued as Lowndes looks uneasy on her legs after taking a heavy whack on the backbone and the point deduction is anything but a justifable decision according to most people in the arena. That doesn't bother Cat, Jeri and LiLo whatsoever and the blonde resumes the jug punishment taking full advantage of the champion's painful stance. Jessica loses the initial exchange and squeals badly when Lohan rocks her with a hook to liver before thumping leather from the side to send the bandeau bikini into a quick ride. Lohan digs her elbow into the Canadian's solar plexus and basically shoves her onto the ropes where she blocks the right arm completely so she can jump into a familiar one hand pounding of the otherwise impressive rack... Lowndes folds like a cheap tent here and has to soak up all the drama as LiLo barks right in her ear but keeps pounding along and slumps the champ into sobbing her heart out... "Ya like that, you pest!? Want some more?", she taunts the brunette into any response but Jessica has almost nothing to give anymore and needs a couple of hooks on the temple to whip her head back against the ropes and see the blonde's face grinning at her in full command... "Punch her tits off NOW!!!", Jeri Ryan wants a gore finish to this one but Lohan takes her time and decides to pierce the navel instead as Lowndes is almost shoved outside of the ring; her right arm is blocked completely and the left one wrapped around the top of the rope and Lohan enforces some late facial mauling too to render the brunette a total wreck and sliding against the turnbuckle as the atmosphere in the audience doesn't change one bit and still everyone wants to see a Lohan DQ here! Not gonna happen now...

Round 9:
Lowndes remains a slumped wreck on her stool and there's a possibility of her having incurred a serious back injury after that heavy fall... the plug has been pulled on Selena and Shenae too as the fight heads into an anti-climax conclusion, the JMD champ won't yield her title bra by quitting on her stool and stumbles back out for the blonde's parade... Lohan cripples Lowndes with a quick charge around the elbows and drives a thumping uppercut between the arms to catch both the boobs and the chin... Jessica wobbles forward and meets another flying knee as Lohan's out of control now and ignores all the wrath from the crowd... and what is the referee doing? Nothing! He allows LiLo to blast a series of cross uppercuts on each of Jessica's cups and the champ signs off her demise with a loud shriek before JUST TUMBLING TO ALL FOURS amid more furious LiLo jug muggin'... "Stay down, bytch!", she plants her foot on the Canadian's bums and presses her to the ground where Lowndes remains with eyes closed experiencing all the pain of this world... KO9 and the NEW Jugs Of Mass Destruction champion... Lindsay Lohan!!!

AFTER: LiLo just took it to another level tonight and grabs the JMD title bra away from the Lioness camp in one of the most ugly ways ever seen on this side of the pond. And people wonder why some experts prefer to visit the bar instead. The blonde doesn't care whatsoever about this and demands pictures of her to be taken when she keeps her right foot on Lowndes' butt and poses around with one of the biggest smiles she's ever displayed. Selena Gomez refuses to hand over the title bra but she gives away too much pounds on Cat Bell and Jeri Ryan to even make an effort. She throws it right into Jeri's face and warns Cat Bell that this is not over by any means! "Watch us sue your old slappers' asses in the league commission! You won't get away with this!", "Selena, honey, we just DID get away with it! C'mon, Jeri, let's take our NEW champ for a drink..."

The two veterans flank LiLo and roll a completely numb Jessica's body on her back so the NEW champ can perform the all important smother, "Looks like there's not much of her left but do your thing, gurl!", Cat pads LiLo in the back and with all three of them laughing and giggling amid an enormous round of heckling from the audience, Lohan comes crashinhg down on the former champ and puts the official end to her reign. Selena Gomez can only watch in horror as Jessica's legs twitch in one last moment of consciousness but soon it's all over and the Academy trio leave the crippled Canadian and head back their merry way to see if Tess Valmore's still in the bar. "That's one annoying pest dealt with!", LiLo says, "Now let's see if this krav maga hoodoo has the guts to tell me why she hates me so much IN THE FACE!!!"

The LCA press office was unable to determine whether the meeting ever took place as Ms Valmore might have left the building altogether early. What's worse, the stable now faces a race with time to make sure the next month's defense of Jessica's lineal flyweight title isn't under threat. However above all else, you haven't heard the last of the LCA vs The Academy trials. Since the fight wasn't ruled a No Contest or a DQ and Lohan gets to keep her JMD title, the lack of respect shown will linger with the Bradenton based team for a very, very long time after this... stay tuned for more details!

Final result: Lindsay Lohan def. Jessica Lowndes KO9.