BEFORE: 

"Pink is full of herself," says Alanis with a shake of the head. "She acts like she's some kind of a big deal both in the industry and in the FCBA. Well, I have more musical talent in my little finger than she has in her whole body, and I'm a bigger star than she ever will be. I'm also a better, tougher fighter, and I'll prove it tonight." 

"I think I'M a big deal?" Pink says with a hint of a smile. "This girl lived for years on one win against Neve Campbell and one hit record she had a lot less to do with than she wants people to think and she's gonna throw snark at ME? Well, tonight, Pinkness is gonna throw more than snark at Alanis. A LOT more." 

ROUND ONE: 

O'Dell: "Back at ringside, and that's 'You Learn' you hear behind us, and that can only mean that the singer of that tune, Canada's Alanis Morissette is on her way to the ring..." 

McCarthy: "Morissette. Who has had exactly ONE FCBA fight since 1999!" 

Cassie: "A fight YOU picked her to win against Hall of Famer Neve Campbell. So, don't tell me you're going to say she's a 'typical Dancing Hooker opponent'..." 

McCarthy: "I only picked her because Campbell's overrated and has always been overrated and even a mediocre fighter like Morissette can beat her, as she proved the first time they fought!" 

Cassie: "But, let's note that YOU had two shots at her in this very arena and lost BOTH TIMES..." 

McCarthy: "I. WAS. ROBBED. BOTH. TIMES! ROBBED! THAT REFEREE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN DON DENKINGER ROBBING BANKS WITH A TOMMY GUN!" 

Tess: "Not Don Denkinger, John Dill...well, Denkinger robbed a whole city, so I'm going to let that one pass..." 

O'Dell: "And, anyone with 'Mac mixes up a Depression Era gangster with a baseball umpire', mark your square. Morissette into the ring and helped off with the robe to reveal a black number and a body that clearly shows how hard she's been training..." 

McCarthy: "MAYBE Penthouse. MAYbe." 

O'Dell: "And, that's 'Trouble' you hear and that can only mean that 'The Queen of Front Street', Pink, is on her way to the ring..." 

McCarthy: "I'd rather be queen of the Black Hole of California..." 

Cassie: "Some people are going bingo tonight..." 

McCarthy: "I DOUBT it, Scabbo! Nobody's off in some church basement playing bingo when J-Mac is on the air!" 

O'Dell(sighing): "Just a reminder, fans, we're ALL getting PAID for this. Pink into the ring. Helped off with the robe by Jewel and Neve to reveal that black bikini with the white skulls on it she likes. And, with the ladies about ready, it's about time for some picks. Tess favors Pink, Mac?" 

McCarthy: "If Morissette can beat Campbell, she can beat Pink. Alanis." 

Tess: "Wait...you said...how can...what kind of LOGIC...wait. What am I SAYING?" 

O'Dell(sighing): "Cassie?" 

Cassie: "I agree with Tess. On all points." 

O'Dell: "And, thankfully, there's the bell.. Pink on the move right away here. She's, as everyone knows, extremely athletic, and you're seeing some of that now. She's bouncing, snapping the odd jab, showing excellent feet and quickness..." 

Cassie: "Morissette looking to locate with the left hand and not having a lot of success..." 

McCarthy: "That's because she's not fighting someone with all the moves of a tank, like Neve Campbell. Pink's not as athletic as ME, but she can move pretty well." 

O'Dell: "Maybe doing a bit too much of it right now, though, Pinkness not very busy, just snapping out the occasional jab, making Alanis chase, but not getting much leather off. Morissette being made to work hard to line Pink up. Throws a punch or two when she can, but Pink's gone before she can do much more..." 

Tess: "Lot of feeling out it looks like, Mac..." 

McCarthy: "Absolutely. Pink wants to see if there's some rust on Alanis, how well she can move, and maybe get a hint of her fight plan. Morissette probably trying to shake some rust, and might be liking the slow early pace..." 

O'Dell: "Good point, Mac. One strategy here might be to get right after Alanis, but that's not Pink's plan. Instead, she's all about movement, doing some recon in the early going. Fifteen seconds left in the first. Not a lot has happened to this point, and not much going to happen the rest of the way it appears. There's the bell. Morissette's round." 

ROUND TWO: 

O'Dell: "Second starts with a bit more aggression from Pink. The Front Streeter still moving plenty, circling, popping that jab, making Alanis work the feet, but she's stopping and popping forward for a quick flurry before getting back to moving..." 

Cassie: "Pink just so quick and athletic for a bantam. Moves like a fly, hits like a light..." 

McCarthy: "PLEASE! She ducked me for YEARS..." 

O'Dell: "Pinkness ducking a right hand there, landing a quick one-two, slipping a counter, circling, forcing the brunette to turn, landing a right hand, slipping away again. This is good stuff from Pink. Alanis working hard, but a half-step behind. Just a little slow right now..." 

Tess: "Might be rust. It hasn't been a decade since she's fought in the FCBA like it was last time, but it's been awhile..." 

O'Dell: "Alanis competing hard, though. She's getting leather home in spots, but Pink definitely more effective this round. Beginning to get in a rhythm in the late going. Final seconds. Pink bouncing in place, waiting for Morissette. Alanis a right hand, slipped, Pink a quick one-two and there's the bell. Round to Pinkness." 

Cassie: "And we're even at 19." 

ROUND THREE: 

O'Dell: "Third round and Pink dialing the aggresion up a bit more. Still moving the feet, but hanging in a bit longer, lengthening the exchanges with the brunette. Morissette more than willing to fight on these terms, banging back hard..." 

McCarthy: "Alanis will stand in front of Pink as long as Pink wants to stand there..." 

O'Dell: "Sure seems that way, as it's Pink ending the exchanges by slipping a punch and circling, forcing Alanis to turn and reset. Morissette working hard to square, lands a right and then then GETS NAILED WITH A LEFT HOOK! Alanis GOBSMACKED by that short left..." 

Cassie: "Pink's a natural lefty, so it's the left you'd better watch out for..." 

O'Dell: "Alanis probably doesn't need us to tell her that. Morissette covering up as Pink goes to work body then lands a straight right that snaps back the Canadian's head. Morissette giving ground, backing into the ropes, keeping the guard high, putting the body on sale. Pink landing a few hooks downstairs, but mostly banging leather off Morissette's guard as the final seconds slip into history. Bell ends the third. Pink. Wide." 

Tess: "And, Pinkness now leading 29-28." 

ROUND FOUR: 

O'Dell: "We begin the fourth with Pink back on her toes. She's bouncing, circling, wants to inspect the condition of Morissette's legs, it appears. And it looks like they're not in bad shape. Morissette turning with, looking to square, popping out the left hand. Pink stopping, exchanging, slipping away to her right, forcing the Canadian to reset..." 

Cassie: "I can't remember a fight when we've seen this much movement from Pink. She always shows some, of course, but not to this extent..." 

O'Dell: "Pink bounces forward, lands a flurry, takes a SOLID right from Alanis and DOWN GOES MORISSETTE! Left hook in counter and Alanis splashes to her back..." 

McCarthy: "Ref doesn't need to bother to count after that head swivel..." 

O'Dell: "He's going to, though. Three. Four. Five. Alanis still on her back. Six. Seven. Eight. Morissette hasn't moved a muscle. Nine. TEN! It's over! And you're winner in by KO4 is 'The Queen of Front Street', Pink!" 

Tess: "Check the replay on this Jenny. Here comes the right fromn Alanis and Pink's left already in motion, over the extended right arm on the chin and there's that head swivel Mac was talking about, and that's why they're still bringing Alanis around as we speak." 

AFTER: 

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!" 

Tess: "I have our winner, Pink, and, Pinkness, seemed like you took a round to kind of get the lay of the land, then just got rolling and took her out of there..." 

Pink: "She's got power, so, no sense messing with that. You don't want her hanging around. You figure out where you can attack and you get the big guns firing and end her night as soon as you can." 

Tess: "One of our managers says you're Front Street's best bantam and that you're stronger than Allison Mack..." 

Pink: "Well, I've been in with all our bantams, including Brit, Neve, and Jewel, and I think I'm as good as any of them..." 

Tess: "Are you better than Allison?" 

Pink: "I'd like to find out next month on pay-per-view. You listening, boss?"